Me in Comic Books:
Startup A Prequel Escalation Another Prequel 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 DuoPolarity 2004 Sequel 1 2005 2006 2007 Sequel 2 Sequel 3 .

Me in Comic Books and Cartoons

DuoPolarity III

DuoPolarity: The Convention. After all those years of raising a family, my brother Calvin's running a role-playing game at a convention... and the game is DuoPolarity, the infamous universal merge! I just gotta go see that.

The catch is, it's not at a gaming convention - it's at a superhero convention! I'd rather not mix with superheroes any more, since I'm just a civilian right now - but I still can't miss my bro actually unwinding for once. Or the chance to insert my own patented brand of silliness into his events.

You probably have a few questions at this point:

Anyway, I have fun at the game. I get to pick between Me 1988 and Me 1996, so I go with the 1988 model. I met him in 1996, of course. He was a shaved-head martial artist prick, and he surely felt I was a long-haired hippie-freak mystic prick, but at least he was capable without having his own superhuman powers.

After the game, Calvin hands me and Mrs. James two envelopes. I can't swear about hers, but mine's from Governor Corrigan of California, better known as "Crusher Joe". He'd like me on a contingency team for statewide planning in case of another DuoPolarity event. Oh, shit, it was eight years between the first two, and it's seven years since, so I guess we are about due for one next year. (12 December 2003)

DuoPolarity: The Summit Meeting. The Governor of California wants to see me about this DuoPolarity stuff, so I'm off to Sacramento.

Surely, everyone I know who's been through these merges is there too. I met them during merges, of course, but I've also run across them in real life. Besides me, there's...

It's really pretty amazing how much I used to get around in the superhero community...

Of course, there were others who were in the merges, but (as might be expected) half of them were from other universes. The rest who were from here, were from other times; there was the actual Queen Zenobia who fought the Romans, and a future mage called MANIC 5, though sometimes he calls himself MANIC 6 to try to fool people. They mostly disappeared, soon after the last merge.

The Governor greets us in a special secure conference room, in the basement of the Statehouse:

A black cloud appears within the room, spreads out wings, and dissolves! Left behind, is the mage MANIC 5.

I'll give the superhumans some credit: they don't attack the guy on the spot. They just yell at him a lot, things like, "You tried to sink San Francisco!" Oh, was that him that some American superheroes including Morningstar just barely defeated?

But I'll give Crusher Joe the most credit of all: he yells the loudest of all, "QUIET DOWN!" Then...

Then Crusher Joe bounces MANIC 5 off the far wall - and jumps to slam him on the rebound! Then he starts pounding him, saying, "Sink San Francisco, will you? Not on my watch!"

But then someone flies through the wall and explodes! We're all tossed around, and when we pick ourselves up, MANIC 5 is gone.

DuoPolarity: The Event. It's a good thing we've been preparing. Heroes from another universe are once again invading my own, in search of a menace that not even all their powers can defeat. Oh joy. But it's not what you're thinking...

It starts in Sacramento, after a bunch of superheroes and I get out of our meeting with Governor Crusher Joe. And it's three days before Christmas.

But then, the bar I'm in gets an unusual new patron...

Oh, joy, superheroes from the Marvel Universe are dropping in on me, even after I promised never to set foot in their universe again. And they feel they can share their problems with me. But this one might be my problem too...

... But waaait a minute! I'm now a duly deputized officer of the State of California, with authority to deal with extradimensional intruders! I may not have the power to deal with them myself any more, but I can get the Governor to summon people to deal with them, which is even better!

Before long, we get some information. Laura James (Morningstar) reports in, and she says the Bible's changing! The book of Leviticus now has instructions on how to referee fights between Toons! Oh, shit, reality is so screwed.

Thor and Doctor Strange are all in favor of pursuing these Toons into the past right now... but it doesn't take a lot of effort to convice them, "now" is a sufficiently loose concept under the circumstances, to allow a night of sleep. The State of California will pay the tab for them at my hotel, if I have anything to say about it, and I think I do.

By the time we wake up, a world full of Biblical experts and cartoon afficionados has analyzed the changes, and identified these seven changes:

I'm almost inclined to leave it alone... except only the Old Testament has changed so far, and I really don't want to read a Bible where the Messiah claims the title "Son of Bugs Bunny".

So, as a DuoPolarity consultant, I'm forced to admit that seven changes to reality are the hallmark of the DuoPolarity challenges so far.

Well, now I've got my own strike force, with seven targets. But I know my force works better as teams. I don't, but most everyone I've ever met does. And there's no rule that says we have to fight our enemies one on one.

So I divide us into two teams. The more musically inclined can go introduce a new melody into Bosco the Monkey's life, and hopefully bring back Father Abraham. The rest of us can go deal with Bugs Bunny and bring back King David, because that's kind of pivotal. I go with the latter team.

When we get back, the other team is waiting for us. They report success! They got Bosco the Monkey marching off toward Arabia, so Abraham had no competition marching to the Promised Land.

Well, I guess experience does pay off... assuming the Egyptologists don't complain too much.

Postlude. As I write this, it's Christmas Eve. We had two days to get the mission over before Christmas, and we just pulled it off.

Merry Christmas, one and all! God bless us, every one. (23, 27 December 2003)

Me in Comic Books:
Startup A Prequel Escalation Another Prequel 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 DuoPolarity 2004 A Sequel! 2005 2006 2007 Sequel 2 Sequel 3 .

Doctor Strange, Baron Mordo, and this particular portrayal of Thor are copyright by Marvel Comics. Bosco the Monkey, Porky Pig, Daffy Duck/Duck Dodgers, Taz the Tazmanian Devil, Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam, Buster Bunny, Pinky and the Brain, Elmer Fudd, and the Animaniacs are copyright by AOL Time Warner, assuming they haven't sold off their Toon assets yet. All other characters in this fiction are copyright © 2005 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.