Me in Comic Books:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 A Prequel Power 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .

Me in Comic Books

With Great Power Comes Great Irrelevance

In which I get my longstanding wish for more reliable superpowers, but let's face it, superpowers aren't the answer to everything. Featuring:

Batman's Insurance. Batman is making a public appearance at a grocery store, dressed as Adam West in a Batman costume, as part of a plot of his to smoke out some criminals. His Batmobile is on display nearby, just in case he needs it. But he's saving it for then, so my car and I see some action in his cause.

And so I discover that superpowers aren't nearly as much use as good insurance. (27 February 2003)

Dragon's Egg. Last year I found out, my blood cells had formed their own civilization. Now I know why; I've been infected by Oversaur's blood.

But let's face it, I'm only as reliably powerful as an average Marvel superhero. The Fantastic Four and the Avengers seem to have successfully converted their superhuman abilities into a living, but most everyone else with superpowers has made a lifestyle out of hiding from police because of vigilanteeism charges (which is to say, road rage without the road). I don't see the attraction. (6 and 16 March, 9 April 2003)

Ultimate Hide and Seek. I get stock quotes from the DC Universe. So does Alice Cooper; that's why he's moving there and declaring himself one of Superman's supporting characters. Utility stocks there are down 30% for the year, but at least it's safe to live there. And it might be a good time to move, because ...

And so I decide, superpowers aren't as useful as common sense. (12 March 2003)

My Valkyrie Girlfriend. I arrange with an Oriental restaurant for me to rent a cheap martial arts flick every week, them to show it on Tuesday nights, and us to split the profits. I'm sure I can get my girlfriend to go. Why? Because she's the new Valkyrie.

Anyway, I think I'll leave it alone. Girlfriend situations, like roommate situations, never last long with me, so this isn't really a long term problem. Besides, superpowers aren't nearly as useful as having fun. But still, I think I'll try to track down Doctor Strange, just in case his old friend the Valkyrie should ever need his help.

Infinity Stuff in Texas. Every now and then, all the superheroes have a mass meeting. It's kind of like a National Rifle Association convention, only with a more exclusive membership. Now that I have reliable superpowers, I'm part of this. Oh joy.

And so I decide, superpowers are useful, but not as useful as the ability to duck out of meetings. (10 April 2003)

One of Those Nights. Though I've successfully ducked some superhumans, I have other problems. (12 April 2003)

Life and Death. While the superheroes are all busy elsewhere, and while my fellow mages are cleaning up after a black mage attack, my own purpose becomes apparent. (12 April 2003)

I've just gone to my friends' house after a superhuman fight, and I'm watching the local news. The local WB 71 channel reports a fire in a local school, where a PTA meeting is going on. Reportedly, one Brother Odin is holed up in there and making demands.

Odin? Really? Uh oh.

Without delay, I go to the fire site. The fire's spread to several school rooms now. It's time to call "Brother Odin" out. So I use my command voice: "DEAD CREATURE! REPORT FOR JUDGMENT!"

One of my oldest and most trustworthy powers is Summoning. And I have a Valkyrie girlfriend. Not only is she a freelance Chooser of the Slain, she's been looking for Odin herself. But I do the right thing, and call her on my cell phone first.

Oh well, Odin's my responsibility. Suffice it to say, we go in.

Then, we all end up... somewhere else. I look around, and there's grass. And there's me and Val and Odin, and Papa Hagg and the superheroes, and that ghost from the school. But we're in a pit the size of a city block, and there are tall buildings all around. Hey, it's the World Trade Center site!

But then things start happening. The Tower lights flare up, but one set is purple, one green. Two giant robed female figures appear within the lights, shrink down to human size, and step out.

It seems Gaea and Death are here to resolve this matter of Odin coming back to life and killing someone, which is an imbalance between Life and Death. They chose the nice green grassy WTC pit for the trial, because it makes the world's best interface between Life and Death.

And so, with all my new power, at the moment of crisis when gods are fighting while universes hang in the balance... I accomplish the grand total of defending my friends and saving one human life. When I put it that way... isn't that enough?

Me in Comic Books:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 A Prequel Power 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .

Batman, Robin, Nightwing, and all their associated characters are trademarked by whomever owns DC Comics nowadays. Franklin Richards, Doctor Strange, Namor, the Valkyrie, Papa Hagg, the Defenders, and various others are trademarked by Marvel Comics. Thor, Odin, Gaea, and Death are public domain, so there. All other characters in this fiction are © copyright 2009 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.