Me in the Marvel Universe: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011

The Adventures of Me 2002

in Comic Books!

Of course I have adventures in comic books. We all do, even if we're just innocent bystanders, because most comic books take place right here and now. But I've figured out how to make my own adventures worth remembering.

You can meet Marvel and DC heroes in these adventures, plus heroes of my own designing. My viewpoint character actually lives in the Marvel Multiverse, but not the Marvel Universe. Marvel superheroes show up often; DC's less often.

Marvel and DC universes are both missing their World Trade Center towers. Mine is too. The heroes of the Total Conversion Foundation brought down the hijackers, with some loss of life and property, but not of skyscrapers. While the world expected a strike on Afghanistan, we wiped out terrorism all around the Mediterranean in response. But one downed terrorist swiped Total Conversion's "Scudbuster" powered armor, which can fly 1000 miles in four seconds, and brought down the towers himself before anyone could react.

And I still got laid off afterward (just like in the real world). Now, I need work.

I'll admit, the job search stuff is technically for fun. The Mashantucket Pequot Indians say they may or may not have a job for me, but I'm still technically a tribe member, so I get a tiny cut of all their casino proceeds. It's enough to enable me to live in a trailer park on their reservation, watching the native juvenile delinquents hang out by the river, fish, make out, and practice their ancestral shoplifting techniques... but I'm still looking for more. My freelance computer, travel, and game stuff all help to fill the gap between the Res and a real life. That's the gap I live with.

Anything for a Buck 2002. Featuring practically all of my former employers, plus lots of temp jobs.

I eventually get a contact, with a guy named Mikhail. When I interrupt him to play target practice with his coffee cups and a breath mint during a meeting, he swipes my electric razor and trims his beard. Our team meetings tend to be disorganized. (16 Aug)

The Merlinpower War. Alternate Merlins from two universes are having a duel where I live. Featuring:
Make It Never Was!
Make It Never Was

The Second Pequot War. My Indians finally offer me a job. But it kinds of hits the fan.

Make It Never Was. This is the story of the day I got married. In retrospect, I should have known that would be a sign of the Apocalypse.

Homeland Security is Fun. I've just survived the Apocalypse, but life goes on, and I still need a temp job. And for once, work helps revitalize me.

I'm on security patrol for a potluck dinner at a fish and game club. I'm on a hybrid bike, which is my vehicle of choice, so don't try to outrun me on a dirt trail. While I'm on duty, I do some stuff:

  • I misdirect some women with my megaphone.
  • I start some rumors about the U.S. President, who happens to be visiting.
  • I sign in a guy I don't know, named Abdul Mohammed, just because he looks like an average phone company contractor and one of the other security guards asks me to.
  • I hulk out to the size of the Nova Scotia Giantess, whom I meet afterward. Apparently someone has a time machine, and swiped her from Barnum & Bailey's original circus. It's nice to see someone using time travel for fun this year; I certainly haven't.
  • I'd have to say, homeland security is fun. (27 July)

    Note: One of those things actually happened in real life! Click here to find out which.

    The Adventures of Pibb the Troll. There's a fun old cartoon, that I remembered just the other day...

  • I'm at a vampire-LARP party in a nightclub, but they're still setting up. It doesn't look like fun, until I see a TV with my favorite old cartoon, Pibb the Troll.
  • Pibb started out as a Christian catoon with crude animation and blunt messages like "Don't be a monkey's uncle, read your Bible", but it progressed from there. In the episode that's playing now, Pibb has to go on board a sailing ship and join a production line where they wash their hands, use the washwater to make bread dough, eat the dough before it's cooked, shit out pencil leads, and use the pencils to review sea shanties.
  • Inspired, I leave the stupid vampire game and go around the corner, where MTV has people going in groups through a building in an assembly line to review videos... but I bring my own pens. And Thanos wants to borrow one.
  • What's Thanos doing there? It seems he's tracking an annoying little compatriot of his who swiped a gem and is now messing with the past, because he wants cartoons made about him or something.
  • Whew, at least he's not tracking me for messing with the past... so it's not my problem this time. (3 Aug)
  • A Week in the Life. For some reason (though I can't imagine why), it's become fashionable for magazine writers and other public relations people to spend an entire week with their interview subjects. Even the Fantastic Four had it done. They even went into alternate dimensions with their guy.

    Now it's my turn, because I'm actually kind of famous for my role in certain travelogues and Reality TV games. I could show my interviewer some alternate universes like the FF does, but I don't feel like publishing the fact that I can. So, I keep busy with relatively normal stuff. Like a week full of travel and championship gaming.

  • Saturday, 24 August: I've come to Portland, Maine to run games at a convention. I'm trying to find a hotel room on the outskirts, because I'm too cheap to book myself into the expensive convention hotel. And I'm on bicycle, because I like the exercise. But my bike just got a flat tire. Can I make it to downtown Portland on foot, or do I have to settle for this shopping mall all weekend?
  • Sunday, 25 August: The games are on. I've got two large multi-player games set up on tables, and I'll never be able to finish them before the convention ends. I'd better clean up now.
  • Monday, 26 August: I'm off to Westborough, Massachusetts for something on Tuesday. I'm trying to find a hotel there before I have lunch. There's a new one that wants $1100 for the night, and only in Canadian dollars. As unreasonable as this is, they're still putting people on a waiting list. I think I'll find something else.
  • Tuesday, 27 August: I'm a guest at a Festival of Political Art, where some of my own work is on exhibit.
  • Wednesday, 28 August: Next, I'm off to Cape Cod. For once, I have a hotel in advance. But to get to dinner, I have to take elevators which run down its hallways. And my brother's come to meet me there, and I have to help him find his guitar cover. Whaat!? I didn't know my bro ever played guitar; he's such a militarist.
  • Thursday, 29 August: It's Reality TV time. I'm with a team of contestants on Cape Cod, looking at a map of the shoreline as far as Mystic, CT. We're supposed to get there, or at least off Cape Cod. There are patrols at the canal to stop us.
  • Friday, 30 August: Back on Cape Cod after the game, a festival is winding down. I'm too late to see most of the attractions, the hotel rooms are more expensive than yesterday, and I can't find my car. Was it towed?
  • I hope the readership wasn't too bored by the magazine article. If not, I can always publish my own journals. But frankly, aside from an occasional spectacular adventure, I think the day to day stuff is way too boring. (24-31 August)

    My Red Right Hand. I spent a lot of time last year roaming the world like a mastermind, cooking up a Master Plan. That's entirely out of character for me. In retrospect, I'd ask myself what the hell I was thinking... but I'm too busy, because I have this new Master Plan now. Hey, at least it keeps me too busy to mope about how much I've lost.

  • Silly Days Are Here Again. Okay, we've all lost a lot. But the World Trade Center has become a tourist attraction known as Ground Zero, and the souvenir t-shirts are on sale. Personally, I suspect the time of national trauma is over, and it's time to move on. And I'm going to nudge it a bit, with some parades. (9 September)

  • Ultimate Brawl Night: The parades are over, but it seems I've offended some people. Uh oh. (13 September)
  • So Long, And Thanks... : And I've got a health issue now. That cyst on my right hand just popped. (9 September)
  • Return of the Jellyfish: The second fight is the next night. I've got one day to set my affairs in order.
  • The Great Jellyfish Hunt. We've forced the alien invaders of Earth out of one town, but there's still an entire Great Lakefront to go.

    The Doom Trap. It's kind of like the Game of Life, but deadlier.

    Me in the Marvel Universe: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011

    Captain(s) Britain, the X-Men, at least one version of Merlin, Thanos, the Hulk, the She-Hulk, Hawkeye, the Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom and his Doombots, and this particular Hercules are copyright by Marvel Comics. Shazam, Etrigan, Timothy Hunter, and at least one version of Merlin are copyright by DC Comics. If I've missed a reference, please don't assume I'm claiming the character. Other than that, all other characters in this fiction (aside from real people) are copyright © 2008 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.