Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .

The Adventures of Me 2001

In the Marvel Omniverse

You can meet Marvel and DC heroes in these adventures, plus heroes of my own designing. Ever since my own world nearly ended, I fade in and out of existence alongside the Marvel heroes. I'm kind of like that Access guy, except instead of going to visit Superman, I get to read stories about a guy named Ellipsis. But I still get to meet the DC heroes, whenever they come to visit the Marvel Universe.

This year, you can meet my relatives. Oh joy.

Pop Culture 2001. Of course there's pop culture.

Now, on to the adventures.

The Luciferpower. (17 April) Last year, I got the Jehovahpower. This year, I get powers from the Dark Side. And it's no fun.

Spaceships for Sale. Aside from evil power from Hell, this year's off to a fun start. Featuring: "Psodyoxmy". (7 May) Me and the Justice League.

Against the Gods. (7 June)

The Adventures of Oliver Cromwell. (10 June) I Went to Visit the Avengers!

Conqueror Day, or Back in NYC. (12 June) In my experience, the apocalypse always begins in New York City. Why should this time be different?

I've taken a job as a field support contractor for Stark-Fujikawa, who inherited the system maintenance contract for Avengers Mansion. Iron Man wanted them out from the contract, but as long as they signed a non-disclosure agreement and promised to send contractors who'd been in Avengers Mansion before, he didn't have a lot of legal recourse. And that's a pretty short list of contractors. I was near the bottom, but everyone else was busy.

  • S-F put me up in a cheap corporate apartment uptown, so I had to take public transit to the Mansion. It was August, so I wasn't wearing my trademark trenchcoat, but I had my trademark floppy hat, biker boots and bolo tie on. I would have looked silly in Dallas, but in NYC everyone dresses any way they want.
  • When I got to the Mansion, the butler showed me in. Really. A butler. Same one as in 1988 when I first went there, even. He said, "Come right in, Master Triathlon is expecting you."
  • Once we got things back online, Triathlon looked this guy up. It was Kang the Conqueror, a time traveller who had a grudge against the Avengers.
  • And according to monitors (and to Jarvis the butler who was dutifully watching TV while other monitors were down), other Avengers had other challenges. Kang had even dragged a couple of them back from missions, because he really wanted a complete Avengers contingent to take his challenges.
  • Eventually, it got down to a drinking contest throughout NYC, which was the challenge for Ms. Marvel (or Warbird or Warcry or Deathbird or Deathcry or whatever she's called nowadays). Triathlon and I went along for moral support, which was okay so long as we went together (since we're now a team) and took the challenge too.
  • In between keeping Ms. Marvel out of trouble, Triathlon and I started discussing why Kang wasn't just trying to bash us.
  • But as it turns out, Kang had a Master Plan.

    Airplane Down. As the Deputy Champion of Death, I have a duty when the enemies of America attack.

    Plan Joab: The War is On! Terrorism has made it into my universes. As far as the Marvel Universe is concerned, it's just a bit more noise, what with Kang invading and blowing up buildings on his own and all. But it's still a big deal for me.

    The Americapower. Captain America isn't always around to make sure people who chase The American Dream don't suffer repression. Sometimes it comes down to the rest of us, whether we make a career of it or not. But it is kind of like my career, because...

  • ... I work with people from India.
  • But, of course, opinions differ. Some of my northern Indian friends (the ones who look the most like Iraqis) said they got some threatening letters on their windshields, of the form "Ayrab Go Home". Sigh.
  • A bunch of us white boys at work decided, that's just wrong. We decided to go sleep among our Indian friends, just in case things went wrong at their homes. I, being one of those white boys, garrisoned one apartment of my friends.
  • As often happens in my life, I get superpowers to fit the occasion. Sometimes I even know what the power will be in advance. I was quite sure what my power would be for this occasion, so I went shopping first, for a special T-shirt and a lot of Frisbees.
  • I got lucky, I suppose. Some thugs (a lot, actually) came to torch the apartment I was in, with Molotov cocktails.
  • But I was ready. I had my T-shirt on, and my Frisbees and my trademark trenchcoat handy. I started throwing Frisbees at the cans of gas, then at the attackers.
  • I should probably mention now, my superpower for the day was "Killer Frisbee". Really. There is at least one superhero you probably haven't heard of (unless you somehow have heard of "Captain Gonzo"), who had that power. And it works. If you bounce a Frisbee hard enough off a man's neck, he is down.
  • Remember the T-shirt? It came from a comic book shop; it had a familiar "star and stripes" patter on it. The hoods saw it beneath the trenchcoat, and said, "Oh my god, it's Captain America!" Half of them ran.
  • But we were only on a second-story balcony, "ranch style". One of the rednecks came up and yanked me over the edge. His remaining surviving pals started beating on me.
  • Luckily, sometimes I get more than one power, and I got more today. I suddenly filled with vigor, and four more arms came out of my side. It seems the power was Shivapower.
  • Surely, I believe that other gods besides the One Maker exist. For what it's worth, I do follow the Judeo-Christian tradition; I've even felt the power of Jehovah on occasion. But Jehovah never said "I am the only God." Instead, he said, "You shall have no other gods before me." (Emphasis added.) We could get into discussion of what a "god" is, but...
  • Suffice it to say, I destroyed the remaining assailants just like Shiva Himself would have. God(s) Bless America.
  • Meanwhile: Life goes on during wartime. Tennessee Battle Chess. Even with a war on, there are still some fun games.
    Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 .