Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 A Prequel 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 Diary 2005 2006 2007 .

The Adventures of Ultimate Me 2004

Dear Diary

I've received some correspondence which speaks for itself. As ever, I'm filing it on the Web, because my flood of obscure web pages is about as private as anything gets nowadays.

Dr. Rebecca Cobham
Little City Foundation
Palatine, Illinois 60067

Mr. Wyatt Ferguson
Freedom Engineering Research Group
Douglas, Massachusetts 01516

Dear Mr. Ferguson:

I'm writing to thank you for your recent donation, earmarked as sponsorship funds for our program member Stanley Timothy Levitz. Your generous donation, when combined with matching funds from the Lucianus Autonomus Fund, will cover Stan's program membership for the next year.

As you instructed, Stan has not been informed of your donation. However, he still expresses an interest in you. He has even designated you as his next-of-kin for purpose of his program membership, which is unusual given that both his parents are still living. As he is now above the age of 18, we are required to respect his wishes.

As such, you are entitled under the terms of Stan's membership to review all documents we compile regarding his case. I have attached a copy of a journal he keeps for our program. I think you will find that Stan's writing is entirely comprehensible; his writing skills have been measured as well above average for his age. Our program is concentrating upon treating his lack of focus.

I'm confident you understand, Stan's been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, but his problems seem to stem from his chaotic upraising. I would appeciate any background information you may provide on the patient and his family.

On behalf of the Little City Foundation, I look forward to a continuing professional relationship with you and with the Freedom Engineering Research Group.


Rebecca Cobham

The Adventure Journal of

Ultimate Me!

August 5, 2004
Doctor Cobham says I should write some stuff. Like a diary. She says I'm good at writing. Well, duh, I'm good at reading too. If you read comic books, you don't have to draw, but you have to read, and if you can read, you can write.
Doctor says I can have as much time as I want to write. She gave me a typewriter, and all the paper I want!
OK, I'll write. It's better than working. I'm not writing a diary, but I do need an Ultimate Adventure Journal.
I had an Ultimate Adventure last night. I turned into Bug Boy, at a campout! The counselors were busy taking turns going potty, 'cause they're old farts who pee a lot. They also wanted to keep the doors locked so we couldn't get out. Too bad for them, because Bug Boy can shrink down to bug size and get past any door! I went out and flew around a lot, 'til I felt like coming back. The counselors almost had heart attacks, until they found me curled up next to the radio Mikey brought with him!
No one here thinks I can really turn into a superhero. They think I make it up. But Mommy told me, I'm special and I can do anything I can dream of. Mommy gave me the power, and Daddy gave me the dreams.
Mommy says she came from another universe that was destroyed by a wave of antimatter. Cool! Mommy survived, because she wanted to so much. And supervillains had taught her how to control her whole body or something, so no one and nothing could do anything to it she didn't want them to. They called her The Menace of Sweet Young Thing then. Mommy's friends call her Sweet Thing all the time now, but she's not young any more.
Mommy got out of antimatter and found men to work for and make friends with, but it never worked out. She says one of them was a Hawk Man from another planet, but as soon as she went to work for him, the whole universe changed, and the Hawk Man changed from a happy alien to an invading alien, or something. I don't always know what Mommy's talking about. But Mommy couldn't work for the Hawk Man any more.
Mommy went to another universe then, and made friends with Daddy. She says Daddy was a Hollywood star or a producer or something, writing movies about superheroes. And Daddy had big ultimate dreams, so Mommy liked him. And she named me after him, because Mommy says all kids should have their Daddy's name.
But I never met Daddy. Mommy says, he had such big ultimate dreams, he couldn't be bothered with being a daddy. I got Daddy #2 and Daddy #3 instead. They both said Mommy is a Sweet Thing, and they both made babies with Mommy. But Daddy #2 didn't like me, 'cause he couldn't really be my Daddy. But that's OK, I can have adventures instead.
Mommy says most people can't do anything they dream of, but she can, and so can I. I have lots of dreams, 'cause I read comic books. Mommy says every comic book is real somewhere, so I can always dream of it. And since they're real, people can go live them. So I helped some people go do that.
Daddy #3 said I was specially ultmate for doing that, and he liked me. He moved me and Mommy to a special ultimate island with lots of his friends. Then he moved me and Mommy to California, 'cause people wanted to attack the special island. Then Daddy #3 died in a war.
Mommy went away after that. She said I can do anything I want, just like she can, so I'm not her problem now. But people don't like how I do things. A judge told me, I have to live with Little City now.
Little City is nice to me, except they try to make me do boring work. Like bag groceries at the supermarket. But I have special ultimate things to do! Just like my Daddies always did! Maybe this means I'm grown up now.
Enough writing for now, I have to go to sleep. Tomorrow's another big ultimate day. I might have to become "D" tomorrow. "D" usually has lots of adventures, 'cause he's an Agent of Death.

Well, it's no more strange than my own life is. And this explains a couple of things in my life. And I can explain some things from his.

  • "Mommy" sounds like she came straight out of comic books. I read about "The Menace of Sweet Thing" in a 1970s DC comic. She was never mentioned again... but the wave of antimatter she went through was, in DC "Crisis on Infinite Earths".
  • The "Hawk Man" was also featured in DC "Hawkman" comics. But he got a lot of rewritten origins... which is true to young Stan's story.
  • "Daddy #1" was indeed a famous comic book writer for Marvel Comics. I'm stumped on "Daddy #2", but "Daddy #3" was Sam Johanssen, the leader of the Last Army! It seems young Stan was mixed up in the Last Army War, and was sent to California for his own safety. I met him there.
  • Stan says he can banish people to other universes that have comic-book heroes. At least he's aware of what he can do... and that's probably a good thing.
  • Stan also says, he's an agent of Death now. I know Death has agents, because I was one once. I guess I've been replaced.
  • In any case, I think I'll suggest Stan sell his diary to the World Journal Monthly, just like I do some of my stories. Not only are he and the Journal a good match for each other; a journalistic income will be better for him than working at the supermarket as a bag boy and secret Bug Boy. Or whatever.

    Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 A Prequel 2000 2001 2002 2003 2003 2004 Diary 2005 2006 2007 .

    Hawkman is copyright by DC Comics, as is (more importantly) Sweet Young Thing. DC Comics may have a claim to the concept of waves of antimatter which destroy universes, too. No Marvel characters appear in this fiction, unless you count "Daddy #1", who is based on a real storywriter who has something to do with both Marvel and DC Comics nowadays. Yes, I'm sure that person would never screw around and then abandon his children, but hey, it makes a nice story, so I'm sure he'd understand. All other characters in this fiction are copyright © 2007 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.