Me in a Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 Tabloids Others Me A Prequel Raleigh A Sequel 2008 2009 .

Superhuman World 1862 - 2007

The Siege of Raleigh

Uh oh, Osama bin Laden has his hands on a time machine, and his minions are on their way to meddle with the U.S. Civil War!

Gorilla Mormon Leno Quest The Saucer War Ladder to the Moon Outpost Mongolia Dinosaur Island The Socotra Incident Another Decision at Potsdam Make It Never Was 2 Superhuman World Superhuman World 2007
May 2007

Last month, I was part of a quasi-military patrol force. I'm still part of that force, but the real bosses are showing up now. And they've got new instructions for me.

The governor of Illinois opens the session by welcoming his fellow Secret Masters. Then a briefing starts, with a status report from 1862. Someone's spreadsheet can't make the Federal siege of Raleigh go any faster, because it doesn't actually do the job, it just reports on it. (20 May)

A lot of questions follow. Apparently most of the room is as confused about this statement as I am.

The Siege of Raleigh
May 1862

There's one more big question: What's changed?

May 2007

But this plot is still going on, courtesy of the Secret Masters. The 100 most evil people in the world are behind it - right here, right now, in the back of this grocery store. And I'm one of them, ever since I channelled Luciferpower once - and again this year! They say, the plot's gone far enough, and someone needs to rein it in. That someone would be me. (21 May)

Why me?

  1. I'm the one who inspired them to work together, ever since I gathered the 100 most evil people in the world in one place back in 2001. The world has changed greatly since then, but the concept still works.
  2. I'm obviously evil enough; they know I've channelled the power of Satan this year (thank you so very much Satan)... Philippe St. Joseph Lateran says this. He's dressed like a Catholic cardinal with a monk's cowl, but ever since he held me prisoner, I'd recognize that voice anywhere. (I've long suspected the organized Church of Satan is not the only vessel for Satanic power in the world. )
  3. I'm obviously capable enough, judging from how I disrupted one of their own evil ceremonies. And expendable for that same reason... Russell Anvernacht himself says this.
  4. I'm obviously influential enough. Osama bin Laden is one of the 100 most evil people in the world, so he was supposed to show up at this meeting. But he's still in hiding wherever he hides, supposedly Pakistan. Still, he showed up when I held the meeting once, so I must have some call upon him... A Russian militarist says this.
  5. And, I've worked for this conclave of evil, ever since I got drafted by the U.S. Gov into the Patriotic Homeland Patrol. I'm simply reporting a bit further up the chain of command... Rupert Mafekinger himself says this.

As an agent of the 100 most evil people in the world, I have access to the same time machine that Osama bin Laden is abusing. They still have it; they sensibly sent him a future remote-controlled version! And they can make it not respond to him any more if they need to. Wow, evil thinking at its best.

But first, they need to know he's not going to $#@! anything up wherever he is right now. That's what I get to go find out. That Russian militarist is coming along, because they're not trusting me on my own. And we get to tell Osama bin Laden, we're from the Secret Masters and we're there to help!

August 1945

Another Decision at Potsdam. Now that Osama bin Laden has a time machine, he's not to be found in Pakistan or even Indonesia 2007; he's blending in with the Jewish population of New Jersey, USA, fifty years before anyone's expecting him! (The more I hang around evil masterminds, the more I appreciate evil thinking at its best.) Since I've been assigned to track bin Laden down, here I am in 1945.

But it's not quite the Potsdam conference I know. Stalin's sick, but Trotsky's his friend and has a 4-hour drive past Hooters to join him! E-mail says he's coming; the U.S. has domain 19.*, U.S.S.R. 20.*, and U.K. 159.* ... What are Leon Trotsky, e-mail, and Hooters all doing in 1945?

It took me a while to find out, because it's kind of suspicious for a time traveller to just start asking questions. But here's what I eventually discovered. (18 Jun)

... Whatever. I'm on missions: one for Osama bin Laden, and one against him. It's about time for the second. And the best way seems to be a bit of disinformation. So I start spreading a rumor that the hypothetical state of Israel and some of the small Arab emirates are so certain of their independence and their alliance with Western intruder-powers, they've registered to become associate members of the NCAA. (23 May)

In my judgment, this time-machine operation bears all the signs of another al-Qaeda plot - because it's shooting itself in the foot as usual.

I think this operation's over. Let's just leave Osama bin Laden stranded in 1945!

Viktor my Russian fellow agent agrees.

June 2007

Viktor and I catch our ride back to the future. But the time machine won't be coming back. The world really has seen the last of Osama bin Laden.

Me in a Superhuman World:
Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 Tabloids Others Me A Prequel Raleigh A Sequel 2008 2009 .

All characters in this fiction (except the Real World ones) are copyright © 2009 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. The phrase "Superhuman World 2007" is likewise copyright. The map of the Superhuman World is based on one from Henry Bottomley's map software which is well worth a visit.