Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 Humans A Sequel 2006 .

We Are In Control!

I who speak am designated "David", of the species designated "Jellyfish". My species have been guests on your planet during its last five orbits around its star. The species has designated me "Prime Speaker to Humans".

We and our human allies have taken action, to shelter your planet from a severe reality storm. Reality storms occur once every two orbits or thereabouts. They are mostly harmless, and cause the sensation which humans refer to as "Deja Vu".

But storms of this severity are ten times less frequent - roughly 20 of your planet's orbits. It is multiverse-sized. Which is to say, it originates from beyond what we all know. And it affects not only our own universe, but everything that both our species ever dreamed of. We must shelter from this.

Effects of this storm may include disorientation and false memories. Our sheltering may itself cause an inability to dream of other universes, resulting in an unusually active sleep state. Humans who experience any of these symptoms are advised to report to hospitals for psychiatric treatment. If you know humans who have these symptoms, it is for their own good if you report them.

However, there are some beneficial side effects. The storm may be harnessed, by those who are prepared. My species is prepared.

We have harnessed this storm, to act as a wish-fulfillment agent for the benefit of both our species. When those of both our species see their dreams fulfilled in their own lives, it should minimize the effects of our reality shields upon those who dream.

We have had the opportunity to peacefully mingle with your species, thanks to last year's DominationFest. And we have observed.

We have observed a desire among your species for strong family units. Our species has that same imperative. So, we have reorganized your world so that each human works with its family in the same business, and that there is harmony within each family.

(For those with no families, we have opened a new matching service, designated "Shall We Seek Them Out". Its installations are convenient to your species major gathering points.)

We have observed a desire among your species to have your honored dead living among you. Our species is pleased to let our dead sleep. But we still honor your species desire. So, we have reorganized your world so that the departed live, unto the most recent generation. They will be true unto your memories of them, and they will work with you to make our Earth a happier place.

We have observed a desire by the youth of your species to assume a leadership role. Our species works this way also. The young and vigorous do the speaking, aided of course by the guidance of the honored elders. So, we have reorganized your world such that humans above and nearest your age of majority (typically 21 orbits) speak for their family units.

We have observed a desire among your species for adventure. There will still be adventurous opportunities. We shall provide structured adventurous environments. Of course, these shall be integrated with nurturing experiences with the family units.

We have observed a desire among your species for strong but benevolent leaders, across family units, who can predict and react to threats before they even exist, and take the proper symbolic ritual measures when the crises finally come. Our species has such leadership also, but only at times of species need. But we still honor your species desire, and acknowledge the need during this reality storm.

We will be supporting your existing leaders in all things, and will control them in strength and benevolence throughout the time of crisis. Our human allies from your Church of the Super Savior will supplement our knowledge, and provide spiritual guidance for your species.

Of course, the human leadership itself may change retroactively, due to this reality storm. We have not the power to prevent such changes. All we can do is reassure you: Whatever leadership you have at the moment, is what the Universe intends.

As for my own species on your planet, we only wish to live among you in honor, and contribute to your society. You may notice us as honored elders, contributing our unique knowledge to your planet's speakers for the betterment of all.

Please forgive us when our ritualism does not measure up to your standards. We will learn. We are even now learning the concept of "Kiss It and Make It Better", which your species honors at every level from families to nation-states.

Hidden sapient species of Earth, such as Sasquatchi, Merfolk, Djinni: We will extend our guidance to you soon. Humans of the secret Lunar colony, we will extend our guidance to you after. Secret alien visitors to Earth and its Moon, our plan will benefit you too. We ask your cooperation, or at least your acquiescence.

May all our species in all this solar system live in harmony forever.

Spoken by "David the Jellyfish".

The New Evil Minions Battle Flag

Earthlings Submit! There. We got the public service announcement out of the way. The Jellyfish are making every web site on Earth put that announcement up.

They finally did it. The Jellyfish took over. Just like my militia friends always said they would. And I helped the Jellyfish, in my own small way.

Who am I? I ask myself that nowadays. But a lot of you used to know me. I used to be Wyatt Ferguson. Yes, the Wyatt Ferguson with the infamous adventure log.

Panic The Jellyfish are concerned about reality shifts. They took advantage of this one to take over. They may be worried someone else will control the next one. At least someone's worried now. It's certainly a bigger problem than terrorists are.

Agents of StuffWhen this shift came along, I'd just been to northern Quebec with my friend and fellow FERG worker Suresh. The FERG (or Freedom Engineering Research Group) specializes in investigating weirdness.

The FERG is still around, and I'm still there, because I have no place else to go. But all my friends have been replaced by Fergusons.

That last one really surprises me. You see, I used to be Wyatt Ferguson. Calvin's the brother I was talking about. Lauren's my little sister. But it might be better to say, she was my little sister.

I guess when I disappeared a few months ago, my siblings wished me back. Never mind that I really was back, just in hiding... at the same company my siblings have now taken over.

So now there's me, and there's Wyatt. He can have the name and the relatives, as far as I'm concerned; I went to enough effort to dump them in the first place. Not that they're evil; we just usually never agreed on anything, before the aliens came.

Wyatt's dead mom and dad are around too. Fabrications, of course. They're way too happy for them to be my mom and dad.

Too Cute to Live Thankfully, nobody wished back their dead dog "Bootsie". No, they have a new dog "Julia" now. Or, they used to, until I took her off their hands. Julia was trouble for them, but fun for me. And it probably worked out better than me going for matchmaking in the "Shall We Seek Them Out"office in the mall.

But, aside from me and my new dog...

In this brave new world, almost everyone's sickeningly happy. For example, the most popular movie this summer is "You Light Up My Life". The chicks all want to see it, of course. And whenever anyone goes to the movies nowadays, the whole damn family goes. Famlee bonding, and all that.

Expressionless But in all fairness, people do things the guys want too... sort of. Instead of people going to war, people play live action war games. The popular one is "Ulster", because the Irish just kicked their local Jellyfish colony out of Lough Neogh. Let me explain...

Already, the Jellyfish are starting to re-engineer society. They practically have to, with all the dead people living again, thanks to rampant wish fulfillment. China alone is said to have 2.5 billion people now.

Eat More Veggies Food is starting to get boring. For instance, they're making breakfast cereal out of lettuce nowadays. Don't ask me where the crunchy marshmallows come from, but they stay crunchy in little baggies now. And the baggies are all weed fibers, not plastic petroleum derivatives like humanity is used to.

The FERG works for the Jellyfish, of course. It's done that ever since DominationFest, a year ago this month. As a Jellyfish minion, I've come to southern California to see to the lettuce supply. Golly.

So here I am, in a dumpy hotel in Niland, California. Niland is at the north end of California's "Imperial Valley". It seems Niland's claim to fame is, Marilyn Monroe once took a train here... and then promptly left. Of course, that was back when the passenger trains stopped here.

If I were a real hero, I wouldn't be playing Frisbee in the park, I'd be rallying opposition to the Evil Invaders of Earth. But as far as I can tell, humanity's happier than it's ever been before.

Death And I have reason to believe, humanity will be practically extinct by 2022 if it can't live with itself in happiness. I just don't have the heart to put humanity back on that other path... the one where they couldn't live with Electoral College results, and foreign governmental choices, and yada yada.

Just to make sure, I've checked on my old friends. They seem to be happy. Far be it from me to argue with them about this.

Waaah ... Wow. Until now, I never realized what a sad bunch my friends and I used to be. They mostly seemed happy enough at the time, under the circumstances. Was all of humanity sadder than I ever realized?

But, speaking of how superhumans mostly don't exist here any more... History's changed a bit.

My old friends and I once had a pact to defy Death and see what happened. I guess we've all survived, but everything I love has died, including our friendship itself. Well, I took my chance, and now I'll pay the price.

The Next World Over Somewhere out there, in other universes, brawny heroes and buxom heroines are probably fighting to reverse this 20-year-record-size reality shift. Maybe I'll put on a costume and go join them... if I can't take it here any more. One of my superhuman powers is to walk the universes. But if I go, I probably can't come back, thanks to those reality shields the Jellyfish are putting up.

For now, my land is still here. My friends are still here, even if they don't recognize me any more. My relatives are still here, even if they live with a fantasy version of myself instead of the real thing. I tried leaving here once before... but that just didn't work out. I might as well admit, this is my home, and I won't abandon it.

Every disadvantage is also an opportunity. For every friendship I've lost, I've also lost an obligation. This could be my chance to finally be free. And I still have a world to explore. One world should be big enough to explore in one lifetime.

Uh Oh Besides, reality shifts never last forever. They're coming quicker and quicker now. Something's got to crack there. And I'm interested enough to stay here and watch when it happens. If the entire Omniverse breaks then... well, my belief system does include the concept of "Quitting Time".

Karl Scribner
11, 13, 15, 19, 20, 22, 25, 27, 28 July and 17, 22 August 2005

Me in Comic Books: Startup Escalation 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 Humans A Sequel 2006 .

All characters in this fiction are copyright © 2005 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. All images are property of their respective publishers.