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Minions of Eiler Unite!

Portland Day

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It's shutdown fun time again, this time in Bothell-Washington.

For once the Domination of Eiler wishes to store its important comic books, err, documents on shelves in long-term climate-controlled storage. Climate control has come through, but shelves need to be shipped because local providers don't just stock something that useful. So now is a good time for a short road trip. Fortunately the shutdown plan built in time for that.

Coincidentally, the Dominator has a dead Internet friend in Portland-Oregon. His name isn't important, but his wake was yesterday. The Dominator went there in secret, to commiserate with senior mourners and set a precedent. When the Dominator passes off Earth in whatever direction, he'd like someone from among his Internet allies to be there to observe.

- Pre-wake dinner of Hawaiian BBQ pork at The Alias, neighborhood pub which is almost already a landmark, due to location along Interstate Drive which apparently predates the U.S. Interstate Highway System.

- Coming to the wake well-fed was a good idea. As for drink: hard cider was well-received, but mourners didn't even come close to eliminating the deceased's liquor cabinet. Ah, a good Domination citizen!

- Mourners seemed to appreciate one more person to mostly listen... Well within the peacekeeping mission of the Domination of Eiler.

- Local intelligence indicates, no neighborhood of Portland is unsafe unless you owe a drug lord money. Therefore walked a mile back to EilerBase from the local MLK Way at dark, safely. Portland bicyclists were present throughout.

... Business done. The expedition is staying an extra day for fun and extra Dominance.

The expedition found a base camp in North Portland - easily accessible to the rest of town via light rail along Interstate Drive, directly outside the bedroom windows of abundant cheap hotels. One can sleep at any of those, but bring earplugs!

Weather is 75 degrees, with a weird yellow orb dominating the sky. It's been trying to incinerate the Pacific Northwest for months now. Portland is succumbing. Weather like this usually causes the Dominator to hole up in a dark pub. But for road trip fun, tourism is in order. And nearby Fort Vancouver-Washington needs dominating! Done by short automobile trip.

- Vancouver-Washington itself is the south edge of Seattle cultural dominance. It is just across the river from Portland-Oregon. Oddly, Portland mass media do not try to dominate it; the weather reports stop at the border.

- So Vancouver-Washington is on its own. It has a reasonably attractive small downtown, though currently without breweries or other major attractions. Its main asset is its Historic District, built around Fort Vancouver.

- Fort Vancouver was British. And Hawaiian, actually; the Hudson Bay Company and its ancestor companies got around. The original fort is slowly being rebuilt, after archaeologists get their chance on the grounds. Palisades, check. Tower for ceremonial cannon fire, check. Historic buildings, 33%.

- Fort Vancouver of course became American. Americans loved it and built barracks and houses for generals. Generals Ulysses Grant and George Marshall each commanded the fort once. The Marshall House gives tours, and the Grant House serves breakfast with Hollandaise waffles. The Domination took advantage of both those things.

- Pearson Army Air Corps Base is on site. It's still an active small air field. It has a museum, open Wednesday - Saturday.

After this conquest, the Domination's expeditionary force returned to base for rest. Then with such wonderful public transit at hand, the Domination expedition bought a $5 day ticket and wandered aimlessly.

- The expedition avoided the City Center, conquered August 2010. So it wound up in East Portland, around a major shopping mall known as the Lloyd Center. (Not Lewis or Clark Center, so the name is hard to remember around here.) Nutritional supplements, an icy beverage, and small U.S. flags for the Dominator's personal collection were thereby conquered. However, not much else was found of tourist interest.

- By then, the Dominator was of course wondering where the nearest brewery was. So he wandered into a building in the Rose Quarter (sports arena) district to ask for directions. The building had Upland Brewing in its basement!... open Friday and Saturday only. This being Monday, the Dominator started asking the locals for directions to anything else.

- Directions led to the local installation of Widmer Brewery on Mississippi Avenue. (Happy Hour 2-5 pm, and all night Monday!) A friendly barmaid gave directions to Portland's Mississippi Avenue Historic District - useful but wrong! Fortunately the Domination was checking its route via GPS by then.

- Widmer is fortunately near light rail. Return to EilerBase Portland was trivial. Desserts in the immediate neighborhood are not to be found, but more beverages are, especially at the Gerrman pub over on Mississippi Avenue. The bulk of the Mississippi Avenue Historic District is well south of there, but of course a Historic District sign was up to misdirect the casual tourists.

Thera are probably other fine targets to subdue even in just this neighborhood. Oh well.

The Domination of Eiler expects its expedition will stagger home tomorrow, tired but victorious. All Hail the Domination!

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