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Minions of Eiler Unite!

Pets and Whiteness

Hmpf. People look for signs of whiteness (that is, Europeans infamous for colonization) nowadays. Is there anything more white than pet ownership?

"I love little Pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't harm her,
She'll do me no harm.
I'll not pull her tail
Nor drag her away,
And Pussy and I
Very gently will play!"

... This is a song that white folk sang around 1900. The Dominator knows this, because in grade school he had a music teacher who was that old... Oh, my.

Think about it. Owning a pet is a sign of affluence. Non-pet-owners just care about their families.

(The Dominator has mingled with his citizens and and seen non-affluent people get a dog, so as to feel they'd really made it. They fed it a can of corn from the food pantry. The dog ran away.)

American house pets are a special class. The Domination of Eiler respects wild animals, and it especially respects trained animals. But house pets are an abomination somewhere in between. They are barely trained to $#!+ only on command, and otherwise indulged to be equal with their owners - right up to sleeping in bed with them. The Dominator's colon is about as well trained as your housepet. This brings up questions about who rules the pack in the household. Yeah, it might be the Dominator's colon, but it might be your pet.

Cats were useful to society once, when vermin other than cats were abundant in houses. Dogs were and still useful to society, if they are trained. But American house pets are not. And their owners excuse them. "He protects me"? Oh please. Your McGruff the Crime Dog is really a False Alarm Dog. "She just wants to be friendly!" If I were that friendly, I'd fondle your wife. "My dog judges character!" If it hates someone, it probably hates squirrels too.

(In this diatribe, the Domination of Eiler uses the gender-neutral term "it". Gender is not important to this discussion, and "they" is not a public term to replace "it" for any other non-human species.)

Affluent pet owners burden the world with their pet photos. The Domination of Eiler called one pet owner on this once. But they refused, because it's the source of much of their online popularity. To get a life update from that friend every week or so, one has to wade through at least three cute pet photos every day.

Social media companies act likewise. The more cute pets, the more engagement. The more someone clicks to hide some cute photo, the more they put it in the feed! (One supposes that counts as engagement.) That puts cute pets in the same league as politics and useless celebrity biographies. Political online speech is already being regulated. Why can't social media algorithms at least react when people want to filter that other stuff?

Even Jesus of Nazareth did not like dogs. Hebrews such as him considered them unclean animals, like pigs only more so. Which, yeah. Jesus once compared Gentiles to dogs, as if it were a bad thing. But someone once reminded him, people enjoy dogs as long as they merely scavenge under tables. (Aww, cute!)

So the evidence against American pets has mounted. But Jesus relented against such things. (Matthew 15:26-28) So shall the Domination relent.

If the Domination of Eiler takes formal power (as Jesus did not), it will not require you to surrender your pets (as Jesus did not). But other dogs and cats will become free-range animals. Cats largely are already feral, even within United-States. Dogs not so much, but there is a trade in importing feral dogs. So these creatures are already harvested for their cuteness. These can likewise be harvested for other reasons. Southeast Asia harvests their cheap and tasty meat, just like any wild animal. And it solves a problem about wild animals in cities - and about food. Hunting licenses are already issued for feral hogs. Can feral dogs and cats be far behind?

Oh, might some dog or cat be accidentally harvested outside its home because it is not under control? The solution is simple. Control your dogs and cats! Cats, not a problem to passersby, but they might breed and increase the population of feral cats. Dogs, definitely a problem to public safety. Roaming dogs can approach and attack leashed dogs. (The Domination Guard has actually defended against this.) Is this to be tolerated by pet owners who leash their dogs? And if you have released your own dogs, admit your own problem!

Do you actually care about public safety or global hunger? This is a solution! Do you respect other cultures? They already do this! Do you want to rescue these creatures? Okay, just do it fast enough to solve the global problem of invasive wild animals that some people consider to be house pets!


All Hail the Domination!



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