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Minions of Eiler Unite!

Weird Things About the Comic-Book Guardians of the Galaxy

As sometimes happens, the Dominator recently dragged himself out to see a superhero movie: Guardians of the Galaxy. The odd thing about the movie was what obscure characters they used. The Domination of Eiler is of course not the first commentator to mention this. However, its archives of pictorial literature qualify it as an expert witness on the characters' history, at least from 1970 to 2000 or so. As with any comic book heroes, that history is full of amusement value.

The movie nailed the Guardians' powers and most of their personalities, but sensibly they pruned most of the characters' history from the comic books. If they kept that all in, we might have seen the following. One might yet see some of this stuff in sequels; if they put all of it in, the sequel would practically write itself. So here's a spoiler warning. But please note, the citizens of the Domination of Eiler can look up all this stuff themselves at

(20 September 2015: Spoiler warning removed. Live with it!)

- In the comics, Ronan and the Nova Corps basically have had nothing to do with each other or with anyone else in the movie. Ronan is fiercely loyal to his leadership, and everyone hates the Skrulls (who vaguely correspond to the Chitauri from the Avengers movie). Basically every spacefaring race in the Marvel Universe distrusts every other spacefaring race at best, though, so fights are always possible.

- Thanos grew up on one of the moons of Saturn, hence his title as a Titan. He has a brother Eros, whom he once tried to frame for training li'l Thanos to love Death. Eros is famous for picking up women. Thanos, on the other hand, has picked up Infinity Gems so often, they basically do nothing for him any more. He's still attracted to other big shiny power sources, though; he occasionally uses those to save the universe. But one can never predict when or why. They don't call Thanos "the Mad Titan" for nothin'.

- In the comics, Nebula was not the daughter of Thanos but instead his granddaughter - or so she claimed. Thanos denied it. However, Thanos is known to have numerous clones, a biological son, and a mystic void-like entity that arose when Thanos "entered Death" for the first time. Heh heh.

- In the comics, Carina and the Collector are daughter and father. But they don't get along any better than in the movies. Carina first appeared in stories when the Collector sent her to investigate a dangerous enemy of (ironically) the 30th-century Guardians of the Galaxy. That enemy was one "Korvac", who'd eaten some Galactuspower and was convinced he could make the universe work better. Carina betrayed both the Collector and Korvac in turn, and died at Korvac's side. Occasionally Carina still gets out of Death free when Korvac does.

- Yondu (the Ravager) is the only character in the movie who began his comic book career as a Guardian of the Galaxy - albeit oddly, the 30th-century team. In the comic books, he was about as noble and free of personality as Groot is.

- The original Star-Lord had about a Groot level of personality, for that matter - at least from what the Domination of Eiler remembers of his 1970s stories. In the present millennium, though, his adventures basically kick-started the Guardians of the Galaxy comic.

- Drax's history in the movie is as accurate as it can get without mentioning "Moondragon". He and his wife were indeed killed by Thanos, but this was on Earth; Drax is an Earth human named Arthur Douglas. His daughter Heather survived the incident unbeknownst to him, and was raised as the priestess Moondragon by the same people who raised Eros and Thanos. She has often gone crazy (go figure), and once killed Drax herself. Fortunately Drax (like Thanos) basically has a Get Out of Death Free pass. Drax's personality in the movie is spot-on; in the comics too he plows into battle against more powerful opponents and has to be rescued by smarter heroes.

- Gamora's history in the movie is as accurate as it can get without mentioning "Adam Warlock", hereafter referred to as Jesus Christ Superstar. Her family was not killed by Thanos, but instead by an evil clone of Jesus Christ Superstar. Thanos did raise her, however; he even gave her gifts for Yuletide and took her to see the dolphins in the zoo. Gamora's personality in the movie is spot-on; in the comics too she has attacks of conscience, gets in resultant trouble with Thanos, and falls for ambiguous heroes like Star-Lord or Jesus Christ Superstar.

- Rocket Raccoon's history in the movie is as accurate as it can get without mentioning "Gideon's Bible". It was the first artifact he ever hunted. One suspects, people in the movies will put their lives at risk if they ever ask him about that one - or if one of Star-Lord's Awesome Mix tapes contains the song "Rocky Raccoon".

- The Guardians' membership is as in the comic books - as of the first Avengers movie. More recently in the comics, Tony Stark has established diplomatic relations with the Guardians, and sent Spider-Man's pal Flash Thompson (in a "Venom" symbiote costume) as Earth's liaison to them. Flash needs the "Venom" suit to walk; he is a military veteran and a double amputee.

For what it's worth, something very much like Infinity Gems has also appeared in the Domination of Eiler's own adventure fiction. The Powernaut will shortly have to figure out how to stop someone who has seven of those gems. (Thanos only ever had six.)

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