Travelog of Northern California, 2012

Produced by the Domination of Eiler

Powered by Eiler Technical Enterprises

Domination of Eiler: Home The Declaration of Domination What Is the Domination? Latest Fiction The Dominator .
Journals: Typical; ('04) VT WI WI IN; ('05) IL MO WI Brasil WI; ('06) IA IL MI WI WI WI; ('07) ?? ON MI; ('08) IN MI MI; ('09) MS TN FL NC WI NY; ('10) Republica Dominicana SC NH MT WA ID; ('11) BC AK! ('12) CA ('13) WA
Blogs: ('05) 1 2; ('06) 3 4 5 6; ('07) 7 8 9 10 11; ('08) 12 13 14 15 16; ('09) 17 18 19 20 21; ('10) 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29; ('11) 30; ('12) 31.
This Trip: Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday .

Hooray for World Domination!
Operational Map

Domination of Eiler Journal #25: Coastal Offensive against California
June - July 2012

Background. Stragetic points in California submitted to proto-Domination of Eiler as early as 1984. Northern parts of the state are now within range for a land operation of the Domination. Coincidentally, the Domination sponsors a group of writers who have chosen San Francisco as their central meeting place.

So: Domination outpost of San Francisco! The Domination of Eiler is on its way to relieve you - on the Domination Train!

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

In one sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a political entity modeled upon the Holy Roman Empire. Which is to say, it works through national and local political entities, but transcends nation-state boundaries. You may already be a citizen without knowing it!

In another sense, "The Domination of Eiler" is a pen name for an amateur but very prolific web journalist. Perhaps you may enjoy these travel writings, given this simple guide:

  • The Domination of Eiler is led by, of course, the Dominator.
  • The Domination has recently established its world headquarters in Bothell-Washington, and is actively expanding its holdings up and down the Pacific coast.
  • The Domination occasionally designates a passenger railroad train as the Domination Train, similar to the U.S. Government-designated Air Force One. Unlike on Air Force One, though, the Dominator mingles freely with his subjects.

  • One and a half weeks have been allocated for this mission.

    Day 0: Wednesday 27 June 2012

    Seattle and the Mariners
    To the staging area.
    Wheel o' Gold Rush
    What pays off better on average: digging for gold, or hoping the Seattle Mariners win? See also:
  • The View of the Mariners
  • Oh Wow, Ring Around the Sun
  • King TUT Street Station
  • Under cover of a phone company baseball outing, the Domination of Eiler staged into Seattle. The game was suitably dramatic: home team down 2-1 at the bottom of the 9th, two men on base, two outs, two strikes, star player batting. He promptly emulated Charlie Brown. Oh well, more time for the real mission.

    With assistance from allies, the expeditionary force established EilerBarracks at the youth hostel nearest the train station (private room, facing away from street), then took back the Domination outpost of Pioneer Square by foot. The Klondike Gold Rush Museum submitted the history of the birth of downtown Seattle.

    Entrain for California tomorrow.

    Day 1: Thursday 28 June 2012

    The Domination Train 2012
    West Coast railroaing.
    The Pacific Parlour
    First Class costs a lot more on this side of the continent, but the trains are more impressive. See also:
  • Giant Glowing Mountain, Tomb of Heroes, We Are Not Worthy To Approach Thy Feet!
  • It is Domination of Eiler custom to travel as cheaply as possible while holding out for a private toilet. This rules out airline trael entirely. On the Domination Train, it means First Class.

    East of Chicago, Amtrak fits a toilet into a bedchamber the size of a closet. The Dominator actually prefers this. But on the West Coast of Eilerania, sleeping chambers with toilets have showers too. Plus a private dining car, with wine and cheese tasting. But the Dominator skipped that, to try out the bunk bed for afternoon nap time.

    Day 2: Friday 29 June 2012

    Invasion Zone Benicia
    The spearhead of the offensive.
    Real Benicia
    Benicia is Real California, complete with road walls.

    Amtrak perversely on time to Martinez-California, 7:40 am. Martinez taxi driver unfamiliar with Benicia, but managed to find 2nd Street when at the 2nd Street exit, with help from the passenger. Best Western Plus hotel allowed early checkin for a reasonable fee, at 8 am. Nap time followed.

    Lunch (fish and chips and Harp ale) at Rellik Tavern on scenic First Street. Then group activities; the Dominator is building an alliance with fiction writers. Ended by barbecue in a Real Benicia house. It's always awesome to be welcomed to town, and even more so when people are expecting you.

    Day 3: Saturday 30 June 2012

    For the Relief of San Francisco
    Allies lead the way.
    Wow, SF
    About to disembark. See also:
  • The Group Picture
  • Alcatraz on the Way
  • If Vallejo Wants a Parking Meter for Charity, It Would Help If It Worked
  • Morning group activities involved cyber-dominance of the whole continent; we had a Skype conference. But we'd set aside the afternoon to take the ferry to San Francisco. In the Domination of Eiler, this is the equivalent of finally connecting the city to the transcontinental railroad. Local family members joined in, including a rather sleepy two-year-old (okay, maybe 1.5-year-old) junior Dominator.

    Targets all subjugated.

    • Cartoon Art Museum. Half-price today if you bring a cartoon you drew of Spider-Man. Naturally the Domination's cartoonist had prepared one, with the Powernaut of course. Most of the expedition was similarly prepared. Trophies were conquered in the gift shop, including an upgrade to the Domination art pack.
    • Comic book shop on the way. Most of the latest Marvel Zombies series was conquered, in which (perversely) Dum Dum Dugan got a patriotic motivational speech from Howard the Duck. Okay, what have you done with the real Howard?
    • Cheeseburger joint on the way. Blueberry shake was tasty... but if you build your menu around cheeseburgers, shouldn't they be at least half a pound?

    Day 4: Sunday 1 July 2012

    The Domination of Benicia
    Alliance operations against a town museum.

    Morning group activities involved writing four separate stories about dead cats with glasses - and then preparing to make them all one story. Whatever. Evil Doktor Schroedinger can probably pull it off.

    In the afternoon, the alliance considered another lengthy trip to somewhere of great tourist interest, then shrugged. The Dominator then whipped out a pamphlet he'd stashed from the Benicia Camel Barn Museum.

    So the alliance subdued a town museum. The local two-year-old junior Dominator came along. He may have had the best day of his life. The senior Dominator bought him a nice colorful California state flag - which is a gateway drug to world domination. Museum staff doted on him. And they were thrilled to have visitors from Washington, Arizona, and New South Wales. In the Domination of Eiler, that is a win - win - win.

    If the Domination had planned well enough, the alliance could have subjugated the former State Capitol building of Benicia-CA also. (Open 'til 5 pm, Thu - Sun.) But instead some fried Twinkies and Oreos were conquered at a very weird gas station. Then, uh, the whole party including Junior Dominator went to the local Fancy Place. Sorry, Benicia, but it mostly worked out. It helped that the little boy has Parents-Not-Breeders.

    Day 5: Monday 2 July 2012

    Taking Back Muir Woods
    But one has to wonder why to bother sometimes.
    Coming Soon:  Group Picture
    Back at The Tree, after great opposition. See also:
  • The Plot of the Writing Group Story
  • Morning group activities involved tying up that story about four different dead cats. This seems to have gone better than any previous collaborative exercise in this writing group's history. Perhaps it helped that the Domination's engineering staff was on hand to draw a flowchart.

    Afternoon target was Muir Woods. The Domination of Eiler had proposed an alternative target of the Charles Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa, but it yielded because any who's come to San Francisco and not seen giant redwoods should see them. In retrospect, that may have been a mistake.

    • When the Domination of Eiler first subjugated Muir Woods, it was springtime. This time, it was a full summer holiday week. Envision a winding mountain road, with people trying to park on the roadside because the U.S. National Park doesn't have enough parking. Then envision the Ho Chi Minh Trail in California.
    • Regular California traffic was no help either. The drive home from Muir Woods took two hours. The native guide said this often happens. Which begs the question, why do people consent to live this way?
    • But there's good news... This was all part of alliance-building. The Domination may have enlisted a guest artist for an episode of Powernaut comics!
    • Also, trophies were conquered... The Domination of Eiler now likes to bring home earrings of the local mineral. In Muir Woods, the local mineral is Giant Redwood! Oooh, big and tasteless! Back home, the Dominator will just tell people it came from Marin County; all the U.S. West Coasters will understand.

    At dinnertime, the Domination's cartooning staff made a spectacle of itself as usual... only working on the story flowchart. Those who viewed, were not at all interested in business cards so as to get more of the same. That's part of why the Domination of Eiler took up cartooning instead of writing.

    Day 6: Tuesday 3 July 2012

    Benicia Pride Day
    Oh, why not have your Fourth of July parade on the Third?

    The alliance dissolved about as soon as it unloaded from the car from Muir Woods yesterday. Though we did greet each other in the hotel hallway and the laundry room this morning.

    There will be one last activity, for those who stuck around to do laundry. Benicia-California observes U.S. Independence Day one day early, so as to get people to join in rather than have barbecues in their own towns or something. This strategy has historically been so successful, their 6:30 pm parade along Main, er, First Street has chairs tied to posts the night before to reserve space. It's said to take two hours, which beats even Bothell-Washington.

    Forewarned, the Domination patrol walked downtown at about 1:30 pm for lunch. Bars were already going into crisis mode, based purely on how many customers they'd get later. And about 5:45 pm, the crowds kicked in. The locals know very well how to deal with the parade... get your drinks just before you march!

    ... The Domination of Eiler is now in its rare Live Journalism mode. Oh, this should be fun.

    • So many people have put out chairs they don't need, the general public can easily find seats too! One streetcorner housed the Dominator and some citizens.
    • The marchers from the bar are the Coldwell Banker Kazoo Band. Impressive cavalry outfits.
    • Moved down the parade route alongside the kazoo band, albeit on the sidewalk, to meet the local allies. Proudly waved California and Domination flags along the way. Told one man the Camel Barn Museum sells the California flag. Gave away the Domination flag to a toddler - and the mom even said Thank You! Why yes, flags are a gateway drug to world domination.
    • Parade only 1.5 hours, which is like unto Bothell. Afterward, found allies at ice cream concession of the Rite Aid drugstore. Rite Aid had not anticipated that twenty people might want ice cream that night. Still, ice cream was conquered.

    Day 7: Wednesday 4 July 2012

    Benicia Pride Day 2
    Or is it Squalor Day?
    The Wall is Down
    The festival shuts down.

    Morning activities involved each of three veteran writers individually making edits to the story. Fortune favored the one who posted to the sponsoring bit of Usenet. The Domination of Eiler let that privilege go to more senior writers (as reckoned by the sponsors).

    Individual luncheon in downtown Benicia. Not all restaurants were open, but those were busy. Plus, a festival on the town common, complete with rival beer trucks. The Lions Club beer (the Red Hook ESB of Woodinville-Washington) was chosen as most patriotic. Merchants also; new pearl earrings conquered. Cultured pearls from China, purchased in San Francisco but earringized in Benicia. Okay, local mineral. Plus, a three-foot inflatable alien. Decent trophies.

    Dinnertime was one last group picnic, of the three rival writers plus the local guy's family. Aww, we're all family by now. We even went to see fireworks together. But the wind had gotten so cold and the prime viewing area was so clogged and squalid (as in, thirty people in line for port-a-potty), the party gave up and went home an hour too early for explosions.

    Crowds and cold winds won't be a problem tomorrow. Temperatures probably in the 90s, and the population swarming elsewhere... Objective, Sacramento!

    Day 8: Thursday 5 July 2012

    Well, Old Sacramento at least.
    Sacramento yields a mighty river view. See also:
  • The Suisun Bay Reserve Fleet
  • Guantanamo-Issue Tide Detergent
  • I C'n Spell Now
  • The Bee... The Sacramento Bee
  • The Fake Pony Ride
  • The morning activity was transportation. The Dominator and his taxi company were both ready fifteen minutes early. This translated to an hour early into Sacramento! Trains to there from San Francisco run every hour, most of the day. So, on station at hotel shortly after 11 am! Then out to dominate.

    Motel "Vagabond Inn" is very, very close to strategic points like Interstate 5, Amtrak train station, and touristy Old Sacramento. Actually sort of quiet, though, if you get in at 11 am and get a room farthest from highway, trains, and parking lots. And tourist attractions lined up for submission.

    • Brewery: River City Brewing Company. About three blocks away, on edge of downtown shopping mall. Hotel bar! And convenient tourist tunnel to Old Sacramento.
    • Museum: California Military Museum. Lots of artifacts, from the Mexican War onward. Guantanamo-issue Tide Detergent gets the prize, though.
    • Museum: Sacramento Old Schoolhouse Museum. Free, but ask where the donation box is. The one that hasn't been stolen, anyway.
    • Museum: Sacramento History Museum. Not the California History Museum, mind you. That's tomorrow. Today, lots of dealing with a Gold Rush smartly. Like Seattle. Unlike Benicia.
    • Tour: Sacramento Underground. The city raised itself mostly above flood level, starting around 1865. This left behind a lot of basements. Mark Twain himself was amused.
    • Tour: Hornblower Riverboat. The same concession as for Alcatraz and Liberty Island will spend an hour to show you maybe a mile of Sacramento riverfront. But they'll at least serve you a bottle of beer. And a carbonated sort of lemonade for hydration.
    • Museum: Wells Fargo Museum. Uh, those are everywhere. Sacramento alone has two of them, because it was the Pony Express terminus. (Unless the pony missed the riverboat and had to ride on through Benicia. Sacramento tour guides still emphasize Sacramento, though.)
    • Brewery: Pyramid Alehouse. Hard-to-find Apricot Ale on tap... but also unprecedented Orange Blossom Cream Ale! And most of Sacramento had evacuated the town and cleared out the bar! Indeed, all downtown (even inside the shopping mall) looked like the neutron bomb had gone off. Like Dallas!

    Temperatures only 87 degrees today. That's like victory right there.

    Day 9: Friday 6 July 2012

    More Sacramento
    And Extraction Night.
    The Golden Orb of Nothing in Particular. State Capitol in the background. See also:
  • Sutter's Fort, Now Conveniently Within City Limits
  • Cute Brewery
  • Dome, Check
  • Minerva, Famous Woman of California
  • Targets remain to be subjugated in a classic move-through attack.

    • Museum: Sutter's Fort. Authentic old building, check. Artifacts, check. Annoying re-enactment narration from automated speakers, check.
    • Museum: California State Indian Museum. Artifacts, check. Smug legends about the Old Days in which man lived in harmony with nature and they could cure disease by dancing, check.
    • Brewery: Rubicon. Spinach salad, check. Monkey Knife Fight Pale Ale, check and check.
    • Museum: California Statehouse. With spectacular landscaping, aimed at the old-time overland approach from Sutter's Fort. The Statehouse has several rooms of exhibits, albeit with occasional mysterious lockdowns. Tours also available, but only on the hour. Skipped that, in favor of nap. But first...
    • Museum: California State Museum. Including homages to famous Californians such as Carlos Santana and the goddess Minerva. (She didn't make it onto the state flag, but she's on the state seal.)

    Temperature up to 92 degrees by the end of this attack. Some otherwise worthy targets, like the Governor's Mansion and the Railroad Museum, have therefore been bypassed. Oh well.

    Midnight train tonight, much like Elkhart-Indiana. Like Elkhart, there's a congenial place to wait for the train. Unlike Elkhart, that place is a brewery - plus the Old Sacramento district. Oddly, that district starts shutting down at 9 pm even Friday. But still more lively than Thursday.

    There's also a hotel room. Splurged on that room for the night, even though checking out 11 pm. Staff is familiar with the midnight train, and entirely understands. And it would be creepy if they rented by the hour.

    Today's train was three hours behind at one point, but is making up practically all the lost time into Sacramento. Also an improvement on Elkhart. Still, don't wake the Dominator for breakfast.

    The Domination of Eiler will for once spare its citizens the account of the day-long train ride home. It's a lot like the ride down - except less fancy, due to short staff, high occupancy, imperfect maintenance, and mysterious "incidents" in the night. Staff was particularly annoyed at how Domination is using both beds in the cabin after paying for both beds in the cabin. Ah, real Amtrak.

    Nonetheless, this vacation has delivered these major signs of success: new lands, trophies, historical attractions, alliance-building, and lots of scenery. All Hail the Domination!

    The Domination of Eiler believes in free sharing of information. But if you wish to reproduce significant parts of the commentary within, be aware that it is © copyright 2012 by Eiler Technical Enterprises. And have a niiiice daay.