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Domination of Eiler

2010 Northwest Autumn Blog (#28)

November - September 2010

September 2010

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided at the top of the page. RSS feed available at .
Hello and welcome to the Domination of Eiler!

25 November 2010

Talk Back!
The New Hall of Eiler
The Domination has found a long-term headquarters, in time for U.S. Thanksgiving Day.

Since Halloween the moving van has not arrived. At last report, it was proceeding north from San Francisco at a leisurely pace. That's what the Domination gets for picking the cheapest vendor.

However, the Dominator has found fine new quarters, which mostly overlook trees instead of parking lot. When kids play outside the Dominator's windows, they're at least having reasonable fun in the snow instead of loitering.

Yes, snow. It snows in metro Seattle roughly once every two years. Thanks to the infamous "La Niña" weather effect, this is one of those years. When it snows here, local news teams pre-empt the national news to provide continuous team coverage of cars sliding around. Really.

The Dominator negotiated with the same old apartment management to get these new quarters. They're actually a swell bunch of people. They hold kickboxing class once a week, and most of them come work out alongside the residents. The Domination is trying to figure out how to tell two of them that they've made it into this year's novel... Besides, comparable quarters anywhere else would likely be more expensive.

The new Hall of Eiler has two bedrooms. So the Dominator may on any night choose either the bedroom which faces traffic (on the mixed-blessing side road which leads to work - and is closed for the next year, so has less traffic), or the bedroom which adjoins a ventilation shaft, which works as well as an intercom for finding out about people's living room or bedtime activities. So no, it's not a Great Hall of Eiler. But it'll do for the foreseeable future.

Today the Dominator observed U.S. Thanksgiving Day within the Hall of Eiler, by cooking his own steak and asparagus. Admittedly, store-bought mashed potatoes figured in, as they often do in dinners. Then he walked in the woods. That's as important a Thanksgiving tradition as any of them.

By this time next year, the Dominator should know what restaurants are open for Thanksgiving to support the Domination's habit of paying for food then, and should know what friends are ready to support the Domination's even older habit of freeloading. But for this year, cooking one's own dinner is good. All Hail the Domination!

30 October 2010

Talk Back!
The Halloween Campaign of 2010
One last party in Illinois.
The Living Zappa

The Domination's transcontinental expeditionary force has been advised to expect a lengthy occupation of metro Seattle-Washington. The Domination is therefore concentrating nearly its full force upon the area. It's a bit early to flood Seattle with tens of thousands of comic books from the Dominator's private collection, but everything else is now on board a moving van headed west from Chicago.

Domination forces stayed on in metro Chicago for its fifteenth-anniversary Halloween Friday Party. The costume this year is Frank Zappa, with authentic mustache hand-sculpted before travelling. This may have gotten the expedition a weird look from airport security on the way there, just because it didn't match a government-issued photo ID. In Chicago it was convenient to renew that ID, complete with new photo. From now on, airport security will look at the Domination's expeditonary forces funny if they don't have a Frank Zappa mustache. And they probably won't, because regular shaving sucks. But it's all worth it for Halloween.

  • One day before the trip, there was a storm that people are calling the Chiclone. Illinois natives say it's been windy even by Chicago standards.
  • The airline trip was filled with tradition: Ritual of Humiliation at the airport security barricade; wind-related evil O'Hare delays that everyone but the airline professionals were expecting; multiple demon children who outshrieked jet engines. But as ever, Domination prevailed.
  • Just for fun, the Domination invaded the pre-Day of Glory workplace. This was easier than usual, because the Domination force now has the right sort of employer security badge for that facility, victoriously obtained on the Domination's terms. A few people there are even still flying the Domination battle flag.
  • Inside the old workplace, there was a Halloween party put on by Toastmasters. There it was established that the Dominator is at least as good an orator as a bunch of junior Toastmasters whose bosses told them to improve their public speaking skills. What the Dominator lacks in formal training, he makes up for in champion role-playing skills and sheer silliness.
  • The Domination's own party was fairly well attended. The Zappa costume was well received by the people of Palatine-Illinois, and is a hit in the Internet community.
  • Halloween Saturday as usual is being spent in splendid isolation: sleeping late, going out for lunch, and editing web pages.

All in all, not a bad campaign.

20 October 2010

Song of the Day: Zombies Walk the Cardboard City by Soho
Talk Back!
When the Militias Come Out
The Domination of Eiler has been considering doomsday scenarios.

The Dominator's friends have been talking about the fine literature they're reading. As ever, the Dominator instead reads paperback books that usually cost 50 cents, though they go for a dollar here because charities in Seattle are affluent and greedy.

The latest paperback is "Breakdown" by William W. Johnstone, about a 1990s right-wing rebellion in the United States, kind of like the modern-day "Tea Party" rallies with guns. It turns into a three-way civil war among the Gov, the good militias, and the evil militias.

  • In the story, the U.S. armed forces are pretty useless because they won't fight against Americans, every convoy has to look behind every bridge for saboteurs, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff all hate gays... Well, that was back when the height of Army tolerance was "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".
  • Lawbreakers just fold up when militiamen enforce severe penalties against (for instance) playing loud music in your car.
  • The rest of the normal people just go about their business, because they're either outnumbered or powerless against militias... The writer may have underestimated the readiness of the nation's public to go buy guns if guns come into fashion.

If a rebellion like this were to happen in the real world, things might be different. Factions will be kind of like in the book, though.

  • U.S. National Guard. Even if the regular Army can't be bothered to come off base or home from overseas, someone's still going to be protecting Statehouses.
  • Evil militias. The most highly motivated militiamen will be evil loonies. In the book, the fundamentalists and the neo-Nazis were teaming up.
  • Good militias. Okay, the Domination will accept for the sake of an exciting story that there are so many people ready to take up arms against the U.S. Gov that they won't all be evil. But they'll probably be fighting among themselves. And every gun shop will probably tell new gun owners where to go for free training. So expect a lot of militia recruitment.
  • Policemen and concerned citizens. Militiamen won't grab everything, and neither will the regular Army. That leaves a lot of "no man's land", or business as usual. Unless there are a lot of...
  • Rioters. But remember, the "concerned citizens" will probably be sporting guns too.

One way or another, every city will be controlled by an armed force. They already are, if you count policemen. The Domination has been thinking about what kind of force will control each city that has served as EilerBase.

  • Speedway-Indiana and the west Indianapolis suburbs: Police departments.
    • The National Guard will be seven miles away at the Statehouse, or conveying lawmakers to wealthy neighborhoods on the north side of town.
    • The west side may have gone downhill in recent years, but there's still a lot of wealth running through town, so the citizens might be slow to get discontent.
    • But if anything is rumored to be about to happen to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, look for a sudden militia influx.
  • Palatine-Illinois and the northwest Chicago suburbs: Police departments. There are some housing projects there, so there might be some spontaneous rioting, but probably not organized.
  • Bothell-Washington and parts of the Seattle suburbs: Concerned citizens. Or maybe good militias. Judging from the number of guns in the pawn shop, there will be no shortage of gun-toting citizens.
  • South Lansing-Michigan: National Guard.
    • The Guard has a base right there, a mile and a half from the Statehouse. If they bother to secure all of Lansing that's within rocket launcher range of that base, that'll save the old Great Hall of Eiler at least.
    • South Lansing has lots of potential rioters. But it also has lots of Neighborhood Watch. Even where the authorities can't make it, concerned citizens who suddenly have guns will know where to go.
  • North Nashville-Tennessee: Rioters.
    • The Statehouse is a mile in one direction, and the state Medicaid office is a mile in the other. The National Guard will probably think to protect the one but not the other.
    • In between there are yuppies, housing projects whose residents already try to prey on yuppies, some fancy hotels that'll probably shut down, and a concrete factory that would make a good staging area for an evil militia bombing run against housing projects and government offices. Anything could happen.
  • Douglas-Massachusetts and the nearby countryside: Good militias.
    • The New England landscape is filled with gun clubs. But gun owners in southern New England would usually rather go to a bar than a church, and religious people there would usually rather play golf than fire a gun.
    • Still, things could be interesting in Douglas. Watch out for religious militias from out of state sneaking onto the Douglas Camp Meeting grounds!

Hmmm, this would make a good novel after all, full of human drama. It just so happens, the Domination's fiction-blog is going there this year.

8 October 2010

Song of the Day: The Good Ship Lifestyle by Chumbawamba
Talk Back!
Occupation Bulletin
Domination sinks in at EilerBase Bothell.

The occupation of Bothell-Washington continues to be filled with victory. Today marks six weeks of ongoing corporate sponsorship for the Domination of Eiler.

  • The sponsors have finally realized their Domination mercenary force can do useful work for them. So now they impose deadlines... while letting another part of their mercenary force go, due to arcane restrictions.
  • But it's still more sane than other parts of the phone company.

Nearby home and work, the Domination of Eiler finds the district known as "Canyon Park". It powerfully channels any bicycle-based occupation force. Regular Domination patrols here are therefore restricted to the canyon itself.

  • The canyon fortunately includes the town center of Bothell (where the Domination's new church is).
  • For excitement on Saturdays, a bike trail leads out from the canyon, east from Bothell Center to a Red Hook Brewery, and west to the nearest state college. (Go Huskies!)
  • On any particular weekend, though, the trails may be rainy. One such weekend comes now. So the Domination has concentrated on its home: the Dominator's chambers inside Canyon Park.

At home, the off-net policy is paying off.

  • So far, the Domination's usual concerns can be addressed via highly-equipped cell phone at lunchtime and dinnertime.
  • Serious Internet business fits nicely into early Saturday at the apartment clubhouse, along with saying hello to the sweet apartment staff, listening to (oddly) hard rock on the clubhouse sound system, and snagging a free cookie.
  • And it's just as well that the Dominator limits his own Internet access on Friday nights.

On this Friday night, the Dominator finally acted like something other than a migrant worker. He dined upon marinated steak with broccoli and diced garlic - cooked by himself in his own apartment, while washing a tasteful new polo shirt of his own design which properly reflects the Domination of Eiler in Washington State. He feels like one of his friends who sews their own dresses.

All Hail the Domination. And All Praise to the One Maker.

26 September 2010

Talk Back!
Chorus Victory Day
Alliance is established with local Christian singers. Also resolved some problems from living in the bottom of a district called Canyon Park, by buying a stronger TV antenna.

25 September 2010

Talk Back!
Apartment Victory Day
Long-term EilerBase has been established almost exactly as planned, all praise to the One Maker.

24 September 2010

Song of the Day: Something Always Happens by the Art of Noise
Talk Back!
Off the Net
An experimental policy for EilerBase Seattle.

Today marks four weeks of ongoing corporate sponsorship for the Domination of Eiler. This campaign is working out even better than the sponsors realize. When they ask for a spreadsheet or a diagram or something, the Domination's mercenary force responds by enhancing their corporate software systems for assimilation into the Domination's growing cyber-slave army.

To mark the occasion, the Domination of Eiler is about to establish a long-term EilerBase inside Occupation Zone Bothell. The current domination plan is to survive as long as possible without either rented furniture or in-house cable TV/internet services. Thrift stores can provide furniture; the Conquering Cell Phone can read e-mail, newsgroups and Facebook; everywhere else has full wireless internet; and the Dominator's interested in these new HDTV broadcast channels.

The Dominator may ultimately give in and call for a cable hookup and a real bed. But at least he'll already have a place to put those things by then. Until then... The Domination's backlog of paperback books to be conquered has grown, due to an ongoing used book sale at work to benefit charity. The Domination of Eiler and its citizens may benefit from less time of Eiler posting and more of Eiler reading.

7 September 2010

Talk Back!
Bike Victory Day
The Domination bypassed commuter traffic and sent today's mercenary expedition out on its Conquering Cycle, "War Machine". As often happens in Seattle, today's 60% chance of rain was overstated. This bodes well.

6 September 2010

Song of the Day: Memories by Yngvie Malmsteen
Talk Back!
Occupation Zone Bothell
The start of EilerBase Seattle.

The Domination of Eiler is following up on Victory Day 2010. It's time to occupy Bothell-Washington, in preparation to plant a District of Dominance there near the office of its returning corporate sponsor, "All-Terra Titan".

  • Short-term EilerBase was originally established about six miles up the highway from work, in Lynnwood-Washington. This takes twelve minutes to drive in ideal conditions, or thirty-six minutes normally. Seattle has traffic issues.
  • Long-term EilerBase will be established one mile from work. The apartment complex which offered the shortest possible lease term has been expediently chosen.
  • For the mid-term, EilerBase is an extended stay hotel two miles from work. Bike commutes will commence as early as tomorrow.

Today the Dominator is exploring the two-mile neighborhood, which will serve as the shopping area for the one-mile neighborhood. It seems the neighborhood pubs will be a team-up of the "What the Pho?" Vietnamese restaurant and the lounge at Denny's.

The Domination of Eiler believes in free sharing of information. But if you intend to reproduce significant parts of this commentary, be aware that it is copyright © 2010 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.