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Domination of Eiler

2009 Domestic Autumn Blog (#21)

November - September 2009

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided at the top of the page.
Hello and welcome to the Domination of Eiler!

1 December 2009

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Everything But New York City
Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Ohio contribute to that big New York vacation.

As spectacular as it was to conquer Santa, balloons and marching bands at Central Park, every part of the Domination of Eiler is just as worthy to submit vacation fun.

  • Westport-Connecticut submitted eight-foot low tide on the beach. Or at least five-foot. The Dominator's contacts in Connecticut race boats at a yacht club, so they know the nice beaches.
  • Scranton-Pennsylvania submitted nice scenery, a nice hotel, a meeting with a friend, and the Anthracite Heritage Museum. The Consort liked that museum for its immigrant content and its gift shop's large selection of black earrings, and she doesn't even like history museums. But after the exhibit on the Susquehanna Coal Mining Disaster, the Dominator didn't submit the Consort to the Lackawanna Coal Mine tour. (30 November was its last day until April.)
  • Streetsboro-Ohio and Youngstown-Ohio both submitted kind-of-nice hotels. But it becomes obvious, now that Western civilization is declining, hotels have to decide what to do with their non-functioning jacuzzi pools. Streetsboro walled its off and declared it permanently closed; Youngstown bills its as a "therapeutic pool".
  • Fremont-Ohio submitted the Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Center. This commemorates the president who came out of the highly contested 1876 U.S. elections (three times as many states up for grabs as in 2000). Mr. Hayes's compound rivals Franklin Roosevelt's for tourism; they both really loved their mansions. His museum was proud of how this President made nice with the South, and visited the West for the first time ever.

Mostly the Dominator had to talk his Consort into stopping for fun at all. Whenever he scheduled four hours on road, it took three because she was driving. But it's fun to get home fast without airlines.

Eight-Foot Tides

Scenic Scranton

Rutherford Hayes, Dammit

28 November 2009

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Facebook Live
Online social networks vs. real life.

One Facebook contact is off to a volleyball tournament. A second is going out with her friends. A third needs more friends, in Facebook's opinion.

The Dominator is seeing all three Facebook contacts his weekend. The first is an online friend, but he lives in Scranton, which is of interest to the Domination of Eiler. The second is the Dominator's niece and the third is his fiancee; they're both in a Connecticut house with him right now.

The Domination of Eiler has considered abandoning its online diary / web log in favor of Facebook. But it is once again proven: full-detailed real life commentary under the author's full control, beats any other web page.

26 November 2009

Central Park
Pillsbury Doughboy
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Back in NYC
Thanks to some phenomenal connections among the Eiler clan, Dominator and Consort reviewed the Thanksgiving Day parade from an observation post high above Central Park South. Photo Archive

24 November 2009

Beautiful Scranton
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The Time of the Darkflower 2009
The Dominator and his Consort are observing November vacation by driving cross-country to Connecticut for an Eiler clan summit. Hotels near Cleveland-Ohio and Scranton-Pennsylvania have played host.

1 November 2009

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The Extra Hour 2009
Enemies of the Domination of Eiler returned the hour they stole last spring for Daylight Savings Time. The hour (and more) was spent going to church and Sunday school for once.

30 October 2009

Party Girls
Zombie Golden Age Flash
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Halloween Friday 2009
The Eilertech Halloween Party lives again. Photo Archive

26 October 2009

Domination of Eiler Frontline: Hillsboro-Wisconsin
No Trail Here
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Weekend trip to the north woods. Nice hotel, check. Four saloons per 1000 residents, check; empty due to farmers still in fields. Foliage, sort of. No tourists, check. But bike path, X due to construction.

18 October 2009

Bandana Brother (and Sister)
Bandana Brotherhood (and Sisterhood)
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The New Bandana Brotherhood
Once in Massachusetts, the Domination of Eiler was part of a Bandana Brotherhood. This has now been recreated in Illinois (though mostly as a sisterhood), thanks to a bandana-themed party. Photo Archive

3 October 2009

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Speaking for Chicago
The town could use a stimulus plan that doesn't depend on Olympics.

The Domination of Eiler is pleased to announce the award of the 2016 Summer Olympics to its outpost city of Rio de Janeiro, and thanks its numerous Brazilian citizens for taking on that duty. Not that Chicago-Illinois is a bad place, but its northwest suburbs have once again been awarded the District of Dominance. In the Domination of Eiler that is honor enough - and much less burden upon the Illinois citizenry. The citizens seem to agree.

The Domination of Eiler realizes, many of its citizens are puzzled about why Chicagoans might not want Olympics in Chicago. The web site "Chicagoans for Rio" used to offer many explanations, but it's gone into hiding. So the Domination is stepping into the breach with this simple tutorial.

Support for Chicago Olympics seems to come from two groups of people:

  1. Politicians and celebrities. One suspects a profit motive.
  2. Visitors. One suspects a desire to go to a once-in-a-lifetime party, without the pain of hosting it.

Illinois residents, on the other hand, seem to prefer not inviting the world into their backyard. Some considerations are:

  • Cost. Chicago already has 9.75% sales tax, and does not need an increase.
  • Traffic. Chicago already has traffic that most of the continent of North Eilerania would never tolerate, and does not need an increase.
  • Corruption. Having Olympics near Illinois politicians is much like having a Brownie convention near pederasts. Quote from FBI Special Agent Robert Grant: "If [Illinois] isn't the most corrupt state in the United States, it is one hell of a competitor."

The Dominator is therefore pleased to have overridden the United States President in determining the award. Both President and Dominator are metro-Chicagoans, of course, but the President is a politician-celebrity and so supported the bid. Fortunately the Dominator is in tune with his Chicago citizens and holds higher rank.

Olympics are kind of like all those other things that are nice for society to have, but not in your backyard. The Domination of Eiler proposes to let Athens have the Summer Olympics back permanently, on condition that they be held in midwinter so athletes don't have to run the marathon through smog, forest fires, and 100-degree heat. The whole world has to learn to live within its means and not build another Olympic venue every four years.

30 September 2009

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Speedway-Indiana vs. the Fall of the Western World
A small town with ambitious stimulus plans.

The Domination of Eiler had a troop surge in Speedway-Indiana last weekend, under the cover of a Class of 1979 high school reunion. Dominator, Consort, and many allies gathered in the local equivalent of Applebee's to disturb many people's dinners.

It became apparent during the occupation, the Town of Speedway is still suffering, just like the Indiana Dunes are. But Speedway has ambitious plans to bootstrap its Main Street historic area back into affluence. Presumably they've found people to pay for it all, because plenty of money still passes through the town, especially at Indy 500 time. The only thing the plan is missing, is a monorail - which a similar plan had in the 1970s.

Not to be outdone, the Class of 1979 proposed an electric high school sign suitable for playing videos. The Domination of Eiler might have some counterproposals, though - like maybe a contribution to the free lunch program. The entire Western world needs to learn to live within its means, and the Speedway High School should help teach that even if the rest of the town won't.

19 September 2009

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The Clancyverse
Political action thrillers vs. the Real World.

During the last year, the Domination of Eiler has been rampaging through its collection of cheap used books. It's therefore had access to a lot of Tom Clancy novels. Tom Clancy writes political action thrillers which resemble other novels and/or the Real World, aside from a few minor differences.

The chief difference between the Real World and the Tom Clancy novels, is history. When Tom Clancy changes the world in his novels, he keeps building on the changes. This has resulted in a fictional world called "The Clancyverse".

The Clancyverse is best described by summarizing some of his international political thrillers. Wikipedia of course has such a summary, but it's helpful to skip some of the boring stuff that mostly involves grunts with rifles. Besides, Wikipedia avoids the term "Clancyverse". But the Domination of Eiler embraces it.

Soviet Thrillers: Russians fight America to a stalemate but secretly want to be American.

Post-Soviet Thrillers: Nation X threatens its neighbors, but America rides to the rescue.

Aside from the history, these other differences exist between novels, the Real World, and the Clancyverse.

  • In average novels, one hero is occasionally The Bestest there is. In Tom Clancy novels, every United States soldier is The Bestest, and so are their entire lines of command. And their weapons are unstoppable. In the Clancyverse, the enemies of America have not discovered the roadside bomb.
  • In the Real World, Russia has a crumbling military, plus misgivings about the continuing ambitions of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. In the Clancyverse, Russia works so well with NATO, they must have been having joint exercises all along. And with American support, Russian soldiers are The Bestest too.

In short, the Clancyverse is an amusing intellectual exercise in world domination. If such an exercise were properly focused, the Domination of Eiler could be the imperial power which would rightfuly benefit.

10 September 2009

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Illinois Contact Brief #2
The Domination's barroom patrol made contact with AT&T allies. Dropped the bomb on them, but to little effect, because news of the Dominator's upcoming wedding has already leaked out.

7 September 2009

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Indiana Dunes vs. the Fall of the Western World
A tourist guide for economic decline.

For U.S. Labor Day Weekend, the Household of Dominance arranged an overnight trip to the best beach convenient to both Illinois and Michigan. Unsurprisingly, this beach is at the Indiana Dunes. Its natural beauty is unchanged, but several things about this trip left the Consort saying, "This reminds me of home" - and she comes from the Soviet Union.

  • Indiana Dunes State Park had signs full of rules. The Domination of Eiler was proud to break the following rule: No Entry Into Park Except From Main Gate. The main gate charges $4 for parking, while the adjacent Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore has free parking.
  • The obscure hotel nearest the park tried to charge $92 for a night's lodging, tried to deny a $59 reservation made via online bargain site, and locked the doors of the breakfast room at 8 am on Labor Day. The Dominator was inside the breakfast room at the time, and was proud to open the door and bring out a hot bagel that someone had put in the toaster.

The Consort notes, the customer service was just like in Communist Russia... and we all know what happened to that regime. Also, customer service is the first thing to suffer during any economic decline; customers of SBC/AT&T will probably have noticed this by now.

Crappy customer service is therefore another thing to add to the list of warning signs for the end of the world. Now that this sign has triggered, it's probably a good thing the Dominator is going to ground with friends (and Consort) in his old District of Dominance.

There is one new wild card to add to this End of the World scenario, though... When a hotel in (for instance) the Indiana Dunes has crappy service, travellers can take swift revenge via the Internet. Many already have. And so has the Domination of Eiler.

2 September 2009

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Illinois Contact Brief
Back in Illinois, the Domination's roving bike patrol made contact with the Palatine Park District. Regular calisthentics have therefore been arranged.

The Domination of Eiler believes in free sharing of information. But if you intend to reproduce significant parts of this commentary, be aware that it is copyright © 2009 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.