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Domination of Eiler

The Blog of Domination #8

Other Blogs: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9.

"Blog" is short for "Web log". Which is to say, an online diary.

There are special occasions where Domination conquests or other incidents inside the Core Territories are particularly worthy of note. For these occasions, the Domination has finally established a web log.

Like most blogs, the most recent episodes come first. Not quite like storytelling, eh?

March - February 2007

Previous: January 2007 - December 2006 November - September 2006 August - June 2006 May - April 2006 March 2006 - October 2005 September - June 2005 May - February 2005

In This Episode:

30 March 2007

Frontline Bulletin from the Cyber-Invasion of Oregon
Mercenary forces of the Domination of Eiler may be sucked into an ongoing peacekeeping mission.

As cover for the ongoing Domination of Lansing-Michigan, the Domination Guard engineering force has hired itself out as a mercenary force on a cyber-mission alongside a force supported by the Earth Domination Society.

On this mission, a certain State of Oregon database is to be liberated from a dictatorial COBOL program run on a mainframe computer ever since the 1970s at least. The plan is for the Earth Domination Society to infiltrate its personnel as rebels alongside sympathizers from the target government, replace the evil COBOL program with the best 1980s technology available to the rebel force, and convert all the data accordingly.

Parallels to modern Middle-Eastern warfare abound.

  • Domination Guard technological expertise is not completely modern, but it's still ten years ahead of its allies. So it would love to overthrow the common enemy and replace it with a Western-style participatory republic, led by an object-oriented program with built-in Web-based capability. But native forces don't have that in their plan, so that's not going to happen.
  • The elite among them know much more about 1970s and 1980s tech than the Domination Guard has ever bothered to, but technology more recent than that is never discussed.
  • The native forces are filled with people who are learning the weaponry as they go along. Many of them are respected community figures, but never fired a gun or wrote a line of code before the current campaign. (Mostly they worked Quality Assurance.)
  • The native forces and the Domination Guard have a common goal, and we can help each other. But obviously, it's the Domination Guard's job to spearhead the assault and subjugate the enemy first.
  • The Domination Guard's part of the campaign is going extremely well. At present, the Guard is ignoring obstacles and attacking its end-targets without restraint. Six months are allocated to the campaign, and one and a half months have passed... but the Guard force has already converted 75% or more of its data which it can convert. Which is to say, it's knocking on the enemy capitol doors.
  • Logistical support is trailing behind, though. Allied forces are responsible for some parts of the resistance / data conversion. Domination Guard policy is to bypass these pockets of resistance, but they still must be subdued eventually.
  • Political support is trailing even further behind. The spokespersons of the subject population of the State of Oregon are still deciding what sort of government (database) they want.
  • It is therefore anticipated that most of this cyber-campaign will be spent moving through territory that's already been subjugated, and rewriting programs that have already been written.
  • This may take longer than expected. The native allies have already asked: "Can you stay another month? And it might be more."

... Boy, it's a lot like a real war. It's like the Domination Guard force is the 1st U.S. Armored Division, and everyone else it works with is the Iraqi police and the Kurdish and Shi'ite rebels. Let's see how well we all get along in a few months.

But there is good news. By terms of contract, this war is a cyber-war and only happens during mutually agreeable business hours! During the rest of the week, the Domination of Eiler enhances its control and dominance on the local live-action front.

  • For example, tonight's Friday-night after-work mission is on bicycle to subdue all six types of beer at the East Lansing brewpub - then night-ride safely home through the extensive Michigan State University farmland, now subjugated for the first time ever!
  • When last the Dominator resided in the area, he took not advantage of beer or bicycle. Things have changed. Submission of brewpub and farmland are now the mark of total East Lansing submission. After that, the rest is detail.
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17 March 2007

Junior Amateur Drunk Day
The Domination of Eiler takes back East Lansing-Michigan, despite massive opposition.
The District of Dominance in Michigan
The District of Dominance in Michigan. And its nearby territories which it must dominate.

The Michigan State University of East Lansing-Michigan is an ancestral homeland and core territory of the Domination of Eiler, and has been within Domination territory since 1987. The Dominator has not set foot there since before the Declaration of Domination in 2004, though.

Today, that changes. East Lansing gives massive resistance to any automobile, but today's weather conditions allow bicycle conquest.

Unfortunately, today is the day known in Ireland as the Feast of Saint Patrick. Which is great for the righteous people of Ireland, but on this side of the ocean it's just another Amateur Drunk Day. And in East Lansing, it's Junior Amateur Drunk Day. The Dominator's bodyguard knew things would be bad, when he saw the underclassmen wearing green beads and standing in line to get into barrooms.

Still, points of interest in downtown East Lansing were subjugated.

  • The Mexican restaurant "El Azteco" was expediently chosen for lunch. It still has the best Mexican food within all the Domination borders, just like back in the 1980s. Mexican food would make a great St. Patrick's Day tradition, if only they'd turn the damn Irish music down.
  • A CD store then submitted. Same store as when in college, only now with CDs! Trophies were taken, including the new official song of the Hibernaculum of Lansing: "(Counting) Flowers on the Wall" - as performed by Nancy Sinatra!
  • Comic book stores of East Lansing resisted Domination! One store mostly sells games, and apologized for not having the latest good stuff; another had directional signs up but still evaded detection; and a third from the old days was willing to unlock the old comic book chamber, but no longer sells comics.
  • Back on campus, the MSU Museum submitted. Lots of skeletons, great for the kids. Also lots of commentary about how great diversity is, whether in ecology or culture. For grownups who care about local history, there are some displays of furniture from dead MSU proctors, or whatever it is a college calls its commander-in-chief.

Some bike trails then submitted.

  • On campus, MSU always had strange narrow parallel paved trails for bicycles. These trails still exist, but are now supplemented by bike lanes marked on street.
  • Off campus, the cities of Lansing and East Lansing have constructed a bike trail along the rivers that run through the twin cities. This trail was apparently designed to attract students from East Lansing to go downtown in Lansing.
    • Today this isn't working well enough to get students even one mile west of campus, even though a bar along the bike path advertises cheap green beer on Junior Amateur Drunk Day.
    • Oh well, more bike path for serious riders such as the Domination Guard. And more bars.
  • The Red Cedar River was naughty (as often happens this time of year) and overflowed onto parts of the trails. Still, it was less obnoxious than junior amateur drunks.

The Domination patrol has retired toward its South Lansing base, where the barrooms are jubilant but not overwhelmed. In fact, they're mostly just watching the college basketball games, as people in the continent of North Eilerania often do during March.

Here the traditional Saturday afternoon rituals of the Domination of Eiler may resume unabated. The Dominator is even wearing his Irish pride color: orange.

All Hail the Domination!

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24 February 2007

The Riders of Dominance
The new "Ghost Rider" movie is a lot like life in the Domination of Eiler.

Today, the Domination of Eiler absorbed downtown Lansing-Michigan into its new District of Dominance, via bicycle, thereby observing the Domination holiday of Pavement Day. A bike trail, a sports bar, and a museum full of Oldsmobiles submitted.

The Domination force then deployed straight to the new "Ghost Rider" movie, which tells the story of a two-wheeled rider who roams the Earth to do the bidding of powers beyond the human realm. This is remarkably like life in the Domination of Eiler.

  • In real life, higher powers have driven the Dominator away from everyone he ever knew and loved, to a cloudy land where smokestacks dominate the horizon. But as ever, the Domination thrives. Everyone else who rode home from the Ghost Rider movie on a cycle this February, raise your hands! Here in Michigan, apparently that would be just the Domination force.
  • In fantasy life, the Domination was producing stories about being indwelt by the Ghost Rider in 1988, before the Ghost Rider was even cool. By 2006, the Domination's stories had evolved to where the sultry Latin co-star woman gets to pre-empt the male leads and burn things at her own cursed touch.

The movie was fine. It's just sad that the Ghost Rider has no archenemies that anyone has ever heard of. Other than Satan, that is, and he's more of a sponsor than an enemy. In the comic books, the Ghost Rider was always his own worst enemy. If there's a sequel, that should definitely be the conflict. Not that there will be a Ghost Rider II movie. But in the Domination of Eiler...

  • Movie companies have already announced sequels for Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four. Trailers shown today. Beware the Silver Surfer and the Alien Costume!
  • X-Men already got their two sequels, years ago. So did Lord of the Rings. A certain Shakespearean actor has already made a career for several years alternating portrayals of Gandalf and Magneto.
  • Even Blade got a movie and two sequels. And he was just a Marvel Comics Dracula spinoff.
  • ... Boy, it's fun to live in the future.

So, now that the Domination of Eiler has spread to the movie industry, anything's possible.

After the Domination movie patrol, the Dominator hung out in a bar where he found a crusty old mentor. It was like the Ghost Rider movie, only drunker! And then he found a Sudanese self-professed "Lost Boy" exchange student trying to make sense of other bar patrons' discussion of the "Lord of the Rings" movies.

Suffice it to say, all things are possible in the Domination of Eiler.

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20 February 2007

The Thing Which Must Be Dominated
Corporate secrets are here revealed - because corporations think the same way as the Domination of Eiler.
Domination of Eiler Logo
The Domination of Eiler.
Earth Domination Society Logo
The Earth Domination Society.
All-Terra Titan Logo
The All-Terra Titan.

The Domination of Eiler has a logo which prominently features the Earth, a.k.a. "The Thing Which Must Be Dominated". The Domination of Eiler makes no secret of being in the business of world domination. For that business, the Earth is a central and necessary element. The United Nations has a similar logo - and they've long been suspected of being in that same business.

Lately the Domination has noticed other logos which prominently feature the Earth - but only in a plausibly deniable manner. A logo for an electronics company has a stylized round blue thing on its logo, labeled "E" - and that apparently doesn't mean "Electronics". A telephone company no longer has a telephone on its logo; it has a stylized blue and white Earth.

Why would major corporations have something on their logo that don't make their customers think of their products? The Domination of Eiler knows why, because it thinks the same way as the corporations do. We don't want to produce an Earth; we want to dominate it!

  • An Earth logo is our secret world domination handshake.
  • It is required to be a blue-and-white Earth. Any sort of green Earth is the symbol of subversives who must be stamped out.

So be notified, citizens. When you see an Earth on a corporate logo, you know they're secretly in the business of world domination. Of course, the Domination of Eiler is publicly in that business, so it's leading the way.

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16 February 2007

Stud Lap for the Accessories of Dominance
Many people ask, "Is That a Computer?". Sometimes everyone asks that when you're near a college town. Or else they ask about walking sticks, which is fine too.

The favored journalling device of the Domination of Eiler is the HP Jornada Handheld PC, because:

  1. It fits in your pocket, at least if you have a really big pocket. Domination practice is to reserve one pouch of a toolbelt for it and its protective casing.
  2. In its local memory, it can store most small-business web sites in their entirety. The Domination of Eiler is bigger than most small-businesses (just ask its web provider), but the Handheld PC of Dominance can still store everything but the travelog photos.
  3. Unlike most devices produced for Microsoft operating systems, it starts up instantly.
  4. Unlike most handheld devices, it has an inboard typewriter that normal people can type on.
  5. It can edit Web pages. Including this one, citizen. Smaller devices can do that too, but their manufacturers haven't realized the demand for that.

If Hewlett-Packard were interested in advertising this device via the Domination of Eiler, they could. But they don't make this device any more. They never found the right markets. But the Domination of Eiler has: bar patrons and college students!

  • Bar patrons are always curious about it. Often they want the latest sports scores. An optional wireless attachment would be useful for that. Too bad that stuff is easier to find with cell phones nowadays.
  • College students love it. It's the perfect size for taking to class for notes.
  • If only it came with phone service too, it would be the Ultimate Portable Device of Domination.

This being Friday night, the Handheld PC of Dominance went for dinner at the bar with the Dominator. Usually, someone asks if it's really a computer. This being near a Big 10 college town, everyone who's seen it so far has asked. At least in the first bar shift.

But as dinner went on, more people noticed the Dominator's stylish walking stick instead. So many people walk across snowdrifts around here, the Domination has to wonder how they make it without a walking stick. The Domination has sold many sticks via its Woodcarving Directorate a.k.a. The Hall of Sticks.

Domination Stud Lap!

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14 February 2007

VD = Victory Day
The Domination of Lansing-Michigan begins in earnest.

Valentine's Day (a.k.a. Compulsory Date Night) is one of those holidays which the Domination of Eiler does not support, except on the extremely rare occasion when the Dominator gets the urge to pitch some woo. Otherwise, even if you have a prospective mate, there must be better nights to go on dates.

To avoid the Valentine's holiday today, the patrolling Domination force has holed up in a Chinese buffet restaurant. For young couples in love, even a trip to Hooters says "I Love You" more than a buffet dinner does.

But today in the Domination of Eiler, a celebratory dinner (instead of microwave tacos in the hotel room) is in order. After two days of waiting for paperwork, the Domination Guard engineering force has finally penetrated the stronghold of its new ally, "Earth Domination Society". Alliance now commences, which of course leads to more Domination of Eiler.

  • Dress code is far more casual than the interviewer admitted. If they've found a way to make computer programmers wear ties and cut off their ponytails, it isn't obvious at this facility. Compared with the stereotypical software engineer, even the Domination Guard marching through the compound in winter gear with Hat and Staff of Dominance is run-of-the-mill.
  • The job is run by matrix management. Which is to say, multiple lines of command. One commander sits in the next aisle over, but for medical reasons talks only via e-mail. The other commander sits in some other facility, probably on the other side of the continent, and has yet to notice that Domination has sent its forces to the area. In short, managerial resistance to the Domination of Eiler has yet to be encountered.
  • Last week, the Domination Guard engineering force was working at a thrift store, getting calluses on its hands, moving boxes for a living. This week, the Guard gets to sit at a computer all afternoon and listen to loud music on the headphones. The Dominator had forgotten how comfortable a programming job can be.
  • Programming jobs aren't just comfortable, they're lucrative. By end of day tomorrow, the Domination will have recouped its four days of trip expenses to that point.
    • After that, two hours of work each day will go toward subsidies to the Domination's subject governments, one for the Domination's own governmental expenses, two more toward living like a Dominator, and the rest into the war chest for total continental subjugation. Alaska and the Yukon won't be submitting in 2007, but the Domination of Eiler is coming for the rest of you!

The hotel room is also more congenial than originally thought. Or at least it looks better now that the sun's finally out.

  • Neighbors don't stay long. And there aren't many neighbors. Even the prospective drug dealers in the next room over may find a better room on weekends, now that they have a long-term neighbor. (Motel proprietor has now said, "They usually like the other side of that other building there.")
  • The snow blows in through the door. But this can be counteracted with garbage bags and duct tape, both of which are Domination equipment on this operation. The hotel management doesn't seem to mind.
  • The parking lot doesn't get plowed very well, but Domination armor has four-wheel drive and laughs at the snow.
  • The maid-staff doesn't usually change the linens. At best, when left on their own, they leave some clean stuff by the door. But experiments indicate, the maids work much better, if you tip them! Apparently they're not used to that here.

In short, nothing's been encountered that can prevent six months of continued Domination of Eiler in Lansing. All Hail the Domination!

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11 February 2007

South Lansing-Michigan
The Domination of Eiler establishes EilerBase-Lansing in difficult territory.

The Domination of Eiler has been unbound, even if only briefly. On this day, the Domination forces had no long-term housing. Therefore, technically "homeless". Let's not get into where the State of Illinois thinks the Dominator lives.

But Domination doctrine always requires an EilerBase, even if only temporary. Today, south Lansing-Michigan submits. So far. But the details require both pros and cons.



South Lansing-Michigan is much less fancy than (say) East Lansing-Michigan. East Lansing is a separate town, and home of Michigan State University. South Lansing is a neighborhood full of thrift stores.

South Lansing is convenient to new place of work, and its hotels are cheap. It has therefore been chosen for lodging.

Starting day at work has been delayed until at least Tuesday, due to a combination of drug testing analysis which takes over a week, and a policy of "guilty until proven innocent".

Actually, there is no con there. The extra day is sorely needed, to organize at the other end, and ensure the Domination shows up in stylish and well-ironed attire.

Too much stuff to fit in car. This caused an hour's delay for removal.

Oh well, more stuff for the thrift store.

Before evacuation of EilerBase-Palatine, landlady required an extra parking sticker be retrieved from storage. This caused another hour's delay.

Once the sticker was retrieved, the full security deposit was returned on the spot, without quibbling over floor stains and such. First time ever in Domination history.

Some useful electronics couldn't be easily found among the departing goods. Might have been inadvertently put in dumpster, along with old backpack. Impossible to tell, though, due to much old masonry also disposed by other residents.

The stuff turned up in luggage when unpacking the next day.

Delays caused late arrival at associate-EilerBase Kalamazoo.

There is some relaxation in interacting with the associate larval-Eilers for only one hour, before their parents send them off to bed.

The Conquering Cell Phone has been increasingly quirky lately. On the way to Kalamazoo, it started giving itself hard reboots every five seconds.

Due to increasing quirkiness of cell phone, the Domination Guard engineering force is now experienced in restoring its data from backups. This was completed before leaving Kalamazoo.

Delay in leaving Kalamazoo, due to associate-Eilers being extra-heavily into church duty.

Lansing is only one hour from Kalamazoo, not 1.5 hours like the Domination Guard thought. Arrival in Lansing on schedule at 3 pm, traditional hotel checkin time.

Hotel "Econo Lodge" lost the reservation due to computer glitch.

Oh well, it's not like they didn't have the room. Sunday night in February in Michigan is not exactly a time of high demand.

Hotel has all the ambiance of the cheapest motel on the south side of a midwestern industrial town - because that's what it is.

Hotel room has all the necessary features to support long-term occupancy: refrigerator, microwave, 50+ channels of cable TV, and even a garbage disposal. Once all the utilities are thrown in, it's cheaper than an apartment in Palatine. And after the previous several days of evacuating a third-floor walkup apartment, the drive-to-your-door convenience was greatly appreciated.

Room is next to an interstate highway off-ramp. Nearby hotels are actually surrounded by highway and its off-ramps, so they're no better.

By the time it gets to the end of the off-ramp, the traffic's no louder than the in-room refrigerator. Domination sonic-shield earplugs are compensating. (Night's sleep turned out to be entirely comfortable.)

No coffee machine in the room. The lobby has free coffee, but no decaf.

For tonight, the Domination's travel supplies should suffice. For tomorrow, there are many thrift stores in the area, capable of selling coffee machines and other useful housekeeping goods.

Not all the electrical outlets are working.

That's why it's standard Domination practice to bring along extension cords with multiple outlets.

Hotel has high-speed Internet... but only if you bring your own wireless card. If you bring that, practically everywhere has Internet service.

That's why it's standard Domination practice to bring along a phone cord, and arrange for dial-up service.

Previous Domination Internet provider "Some Big Company" has refused to provide dial-up access, now that the Domination of Eiler no longer rents a phone line from them. was more than happy to fill the void and provide extra dial-up numbers. Setup to occur tomorrow.

Best restaurant in the area is probably "Applebee's".

Cheap dive "Barley's" is also available. Bar patrons were friendly, and gave recommendations on housing and churches.

  • New ally Uri says, go visit modern-style Riverside Church on Willoughby Road. Uri also operates apartment complexes, which could be incredibly useful. All praise to the One Maker.

Neighbors at motel like to get packages dropped off at their room after 10 pm. Pizza... or something more sinister? Coincidentally, travel agents report that cheap motels are popular spots for drug handoffs.

Oh well, at least the neighbors are quiet. Organized crime is reportedly often polite, so as not to attract undue attention.

In short, the campaign has more resistance than usual, but the Domination of Eiler is conquering none the less. And it is now established, the Domination can transfer its EilerBase at will, so as to bring Domination throughout North Eilerania. All Hail the Domination!

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3 February 2007

The Fimbulwinter of 2007
The dread Norse apocalyptic winter is upon us. Again. Just in time for relocating the EilerBase.

In 1979, in a "Thor" comic book, the Norse fate-goddesses were telling the trickster god Loki the conditions to bring about Ragnarok, the Nordic Apocalypse. #1 was to bring the incredible Fimbulwinter upon the Earth. Loki correctly said, "Done, these two winters past!" 1977 had the numbing cold, and everywhere from Chicago to Boston still tells stories about the Blizzard of '78.

This year, snow's not a major problem, but the numbing cold of 1977 has returned. The Domination Guard Near-Arctic Readiness Force today proved its ability to walk a mile through a wind chill of -22 degrees Fahrenheit. And it did that just for fun. The Dominator has the ability to channel his life force into a heat shield which, when enhanced by the proper gear, allows his forces to thrive under near-Arctic conditions.

Not so fun, the prospect of evacuating EilerBase Palatine and establishing EilerBase Lansing this time of year. EilerBase Palatine was established in 90-degree heat, which was no fun either. But the Weather Goddess has decreed, this move shall track snow all over everything. Which will probably annoy the landlady of EilerBase Palatine no end.

Dread Lord of the Domination, Give Power!

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