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Domination of Eiler

The Blog of Domination #6

Other Blogs: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7.

"Blog" is short for "Web log". Which is to say, an online diary.

There are special occasions where Domination conquests or other incidents inside the Core Territories are particularly worthy of note. For these occasions, the Domination has finally established a web log.

Like most blogs, the most recent episodes come first. Not quite like storytelling, eh?

November - September 2006

Previous: August - June 2006 May - April 2006 March 2006 - October 2005 September - June 2005 May - February 2005

In This Episode:

23 November 2006

Thanksgiving in the Domination, 2006
The Domination of Eiler gives thanks with its loved ones... Domination but not Eilers.

This is the Domination of Eiler's first year in close alliance with the retail trade. This has already affected the Domination's holiday observances, starting with Halloween. This effect continues on through the next holiday, U.S. Thanksgiving Day.

As happens for many holidays, the Domination of Eiler has its own customs for Thanksgiving. As described last year, those customs include travel and freeloading of dinner. Sadly, this year the retail trade requires Domination assistance to cope with The Dreaded Day After Thanksgiving, so travel on that day is not feasible. This eliminates associate-Eiler installations which are the Domination's leading sources of free dinner.

But this creates a wonderful opportunity for the Dominator to spend the entire Thanksgiving holiday in the District of Dominance, with his true loved ones: comic books, web pages (particularly this one, citizen), and beer. The local comic book shop gives pictorial literature the night before, and the local brewpub is open for Thanksgiving dinner! So are the Brazilian place and the Japanese place at the big mall, but the brewpub is more American. Eileranian, that is.

The Domination of Eiler observed the holiday at the brewpub in 2003. The giblet gravy was excellent. And the fiction web page produced that day was particularly inspired (even if the Domination does say so itself). It featured Madonna, Jim Morrison, militiamen on parade, and a jellyfish from outer space. In support of the story, the Brotherhood of Evil Minions battle flag was designed that day. This developed into the Domination Flag.

Today, the Domination expects no less inspiration for its fiction-efforts. As background research this morning, it's already uncovered the shared cultural heritage of Odin, St. Nicholas, hallucinogenic mushrooms, and reindeer urine. When the story is ready, the Domination will be happy to share its new knowledge with all. Until then, any web search can reveal those same secrets.

But before that, the Domination of Eiler chooses to commune with its citizens on this fine holiday, both cybernetically and in person, with representative citizens on barstools. The One Maker bless us, every one.

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30 October 2006

Halloween Monday Observance
Plots for world domination are colliding today.

Today, the regular Monday patrols were abbreviated, because a couple of longstanding world domination plots are coming to fruition. These plots are colliding with each other, in such a way that the Domination almost sent a force into a major Chicago stock exchange dressed as Abraham Lincoln. But this just makes life in the Domination even more interesting.

The Yuppie Costume
The Domination's yuppie costume. Useful at the Chicago Board Options Exchange.
The Bat-Lincoln Costume
The Domination's Bat-Lincoln costume. Useful at the Halloween Party.
  • 9:30 am: Skip the gym and go to thrift store instead, so as to get some paid/productive work in for the day.
  • 11:30 am: Redeploy to EilerBase Palatine so as to dress up as a yuppie. Abe Lincoln costume left behind for later use.
  • 12:30 pm: Board the Domination Train into Chicago for job interview at Chicago Board Options Exchange. Train was nine minutes late, but Domination force doctrine allowed this much margin. Also discovered, "I came by train" is acceptable as an excuse for lateness.
  • 2 pm: Meet with recruiter and his corporate sponsors. Delicate negotiations ensue, aimed at submitting the local stock markets to the Domination of Eiler. Corporate representatives eager to talk. This is a good thing, but took some extra time.
  • 4 pm: Call recruiter via cellphone, but skip the post-meeting meeting with him. Instead deploy to the departure lounge nearest the Domination Train, for a brief session with one M.G.D. Tallboy. There address the thirst issues which result from two hours of talking.
  • 4:30 pm: Board the Domination Train to return to the District of Dominance. Considered inviting Mr. Tallboy's twin brother along, but thought better of it, because the day's only half over.
  • 5:30 pm: Deploy from train to EilerBase to assume Abe Lincoln disguise. Mustache once again shaved. Oh well, experimentation now proves it will grow back in seven days. The beard takes three, but the beard is stronger, due to stereotypical Indiana Amish / Mennonite ancestry.
  • 6 pm: Back to train station, where a taxi stands ready for the chance to convey the Dominator to the annual Halloween Party! Thankfully, the Dominator beats most of the allies to the venue, because they all have to work for a living too.
  • 7 pm: At The Party, revealed this year's terrifying Halloween truth. Abe Lincoln is not this year's Halloween costume; he's just the guy who puts on the costume. The costume is Bat-Lincoln - The Abe Knight Returns!
  • 9:30 pm: Party starts to wind down - in the customary manner of the Domination's allies, with a round of shots of Jim Beam whiskey!
  • 10 pm: Complimemtary round of Jim Beam whiskey for surviving patrons of The Party, from the hosting venue! They love Monday night patrons. Besides, the Domination of Eiler tips its waitstaff mightly. Besides, the venue has reason to declare its continued allegiance to the Domination; this is the fourth annual Party there.
  • 11 pm: Allies escort the Dominator and some allied forces to the Palatine train station, from where we make our separate ways. The Dominator can stagger home from there.
  • Remember: In the Domination of Eiler, we currently say "Thank God It's Monday!" Tuesday is now the Domination day of rest. Starting this Wednesday, everyone may make whatever requests... but this Halloween Tuesday has with great effort been set aside. All hail the One Maker who grants the Dominator one true day of rest each week.

Twelve people showed up at The Party. The Dominator is gratified.

  • The Domination Halloween Party has gotten thirty people some years. One might say, this is a "rebuilding" year.
  • The Dominator's old friends at "Some Big Company" are starting to forget him, and his new friends at the thrift store aren't major party creatures. Oh well, there's always next year to exploit all the Domination's new business contacts in the region.

Much gratitude to those who supported The Party this year. The Party has developed its own momentum, and seems likely to survive so long as the Domination gives any sort of support. The Domination of Eiler will always support a Halloween party, somewhere and somehow.

And to those people who may or may not wish to make alliance in the next day, if they feel like it, the Domination proclaims: We'll get back to you.

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21 October 2006

Halloween Preview Day and Mango Beer Night
The Domination of Eiler responds to all its citizens' need for party stuff.
Dressing Up as a U.S. President
The Domination Guard dressed in U.S. presidential costume for Halloween ceremonies at its thrift store garrison.

Today, the Illinois strip mall which hosts the Domination-ally "Sparrow's-Nest Thrift Store" had Halloween ceremonies. The Domination of Eiler honored these ceremonies, by dressing as the famous Illinois personality Abe Lincoln.

  • An authentic Abe Lincoln costume requires some shaving of mustache, from those who have it. The Dominator will accept this. Experimentation has shown, whenever the Dominator's facial hair is shaved, it is again recognizable as facial hair within three days.
  • The Domination forces served through the day as cashier and clerk, in best Abe Lincoln frontier tradition. Coincidentally, the thrift store has done record-setting business this day.
  • The Domination Halloween Party has now been arranged with the Domination's allied forces. This same costume stands ready for The Party - but the Domination has reserved another costume to put on top! So yes, there's a surprise for the allies still.

Tonight, the Domination of Eiler started a batch of homebrew. It honored a request from one of its India-local residents, by making mango-wheat beer.

  • Only fresh mangos were used, one mango per gallon, thanks to local provider "Valle's Produce" which has many international customers who love fresh mangos.
  • When the brewing was over, the Dominator dined upon mango-skin salad with mango-barley-hop dressing. In the Domination of Eiler, foodstuffs do not go to waste.

It is anticipated that both costume and beer will give benefit to the Domination of Eiler. All Hail the Domination!

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15 October 2006

The Grand Hotel Scumburg Submits to the Domination
An exhibit of John Lennon art and a Dinner of Dominance, at Scumburg's final commercial building.

The Village of Scumburg remains a major part of the District of Dominance. Scumburg is a fancy place, and it finally has a fancy hotel to match.

Until recently, the village had only one piece of available undeveloped land: a small bit of swampland near The Great Barrier Road (a.k.a. "Northwest Tollway" or "Interstate 90"), near enough to get all the highway noise but not so lucky as to ever be eligible for its own highway exit. The village authorities saved that swampland for years, hoping against hope that someone would build a convention center and grand hotel there. They finally talked a fancy hotel chain into doing just that. Aside from a few stray bits of bulldozed concrete parking lot, the Village of Scumburg is now 100% developed, and its final development is the Grand Hotel Scumburg (a.k.a. "Schaumburg Renaissance Hotel").

Since its opening a few months ago, the Grand Hotel Scumburg has mostly been host to a variety of cheap discount sales. But now it finally has a fancy patron... or, technically, matron. This weekend, Yoko Ono is sponsoring an charity exhibit of artwork by John Lennon! Free admission, but donations accepted at the door, and you can get a promotional poster for $10.

Today during its regular Sunday bicycle patrol of the Township Scumburg, the Domination Guard force stopped in to subdue the John Lennon exhibit and the Grand Hotel Scumburg.

  • John Lennon's drawings can best be described as "minimalist". As in, sketches two steps below any cartoon in your morning paper. The show has dozens of limited edition prints available, for prices between $500 and $20,000. For that price, you can be one of only 1000 or so people to own a "real" copy of the original art! The Domination estimated the exhibit to be worth $3, and it was right.
  • On the other hand, the cuisine in the Grand Hotel Scumburg is best described as "maximalist". You don't just buy a chicken sandwich there, you buy a chicken sandwich with pesto sauce and buffalo mozzarella cheese. Cheaper than copies of John Lennon artwork, and not unreasonable, but still pricier than nearby sports bars. And the good draft beers are $5.5 USD per pint.

Fortunately, the Grand Hotel Scumburg is one of the few places in North America/Eilerania to accept the American Express gift card. One such card worth $25 was conquered in the Domination raid on the Chicago theatre district. This helped blunt the impact of a $40 lunch on the Domination's budget, while getting rid of that otherwise nearly useless card.

And so the Grand Hotel Scumburg finally submitted to the Domination of Eiler.

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9 October 2006

Domination Intervention Among Aerobics Instructors
The Domination of Eiler advances on the fitness front in Palatine.

The Domination of Eiler continues to advance its interests on several fronts. Today, the fitness front submitted. The Domination Guard aerobics force is now officially on retainer to the Palatine Park District to lead the citizens in calisthentics. Regular Domination-led exercise starts in January - but it's being announced now! The Park District prints out its schedule months in advance.

Starting immediately, the Domination Guard gets to work out for free! The Domination has taken this opportunity to introduce itself to the students and aerobics instructors of the Park District. Its reputation for leading a nice hot sweaty workout precedes it. All Hail the Domination!

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8 October 2006

The District of Dominance Expands into the Township Elk
The Domination of Eiler advances on its southern bicycle front - and expands its alliances among Episcopalians.

Today, the Domination of Eiler once again proved its ability to garrison remote points by bicycle. This resulted in an enhancement of alliances.

Until recently, the Episcopal Diocese of Chicago had one little church for each of six townships in the northwest parts of the County Cook in the State-of-Illinois. This seems to be at least two churches too many. The church of the Township Hanover has already closed. One more church is closing, in either the Township Scumburg or the Township Elk. But the Diocese isn't saying which one yet.

... Enter the Domination of Eiler. The Episcopal churches in Scumburg and Elk have already huddled together for mutual support; they share a pastor. The Domination has already entered into alliance with the Scumburg church. Today, it sent its masculine choral force to the Elk church. The presence of a male in their choir was unprecendented within recent memory. And it was good politics to have some representation from Church A in Church B, when either Church A or B has to close.

This being a sunny day, the Domination fast-cavalry bicycle "Thunder-Child" supported this maneuver. This required 55 minutes of bike riding (including the pleasant "Busse-Woods Forest Preserve" to get to church, then 45 minutes to go buy comic books, then 25 to eat dinner, then 25 to get home. But that's okay; the vigor of the Domination of Eiler is sufficient to do all these things. All Hail the Domination!

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7 October 2006

Domination Intervention in Thrift Store Management
The Domination of Eiler advances on the thrift store front in Palatine.

The Domination Guard garrison at "Sparrow's-Nest Thrift Store" has grown in power and influence. Today it seized command of the store - and operated it through an especially busy Saturday!

This operation was made possible by a massive power vacuum among the thrift store line-of-command. The regular manager had just had emergency eye surgery and had to recover. All major alternates had important previous commitments, such as chili cook-offs. The Domination of Eiler was thus expediendly chosen to fill the vacuum.

Saturday, of course, is the busy day in the land of thrift stores. The store did $2000 of business today. For what it's worth, $1000 of daily business in a small retail store is enough to impress a Merrill Lynch stockbroker.

This happened despite shoplifters. In the land of thrift stores, electronic inventory control is just not a possibility. So, some customers like to casually wear more stuff out than they came in with. The Bishop-Principal of the Domination of Eiler warns such people: The One Maker has a special hell reserved for those who steal from charity.

Still, the store survived and thrived. All praise to the One Maker.

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29 September 2006

The Nexus of Palatine
The Domination of Eiler sinks in to permeate its new neighborhood - and exploit its power.

The Domination's Core Territory of Palatine is much more neighborhood-like than that of Scumburg. It's so much like a neighborhood, it's fundamentally interconnected. The main nexus of connection, of course, is the Domination's favorite thrift store.

  • The thrift store gives its extra wire hangers to one of the local dry cleaners. One of the clerks of that cleaner lives in the Dominator's apartment building. The wife of the apartment complex handyman shops at the thrift store.
  • Sometimes when the Domination Guard goes on patrol, it runs across the Kiwanis selling peanuts at intersections. When the Kiwanis want to do a public service fund raiser, they get people from the thrift store to sit out in front of the nearest hardware store and sell peanuts. Proceeds get delivered to the public service leader - who also runs the Domination's favorite local liquor store.
  • The Domination's favorite Palatine party venue "Idols" is host to local bands - one of which is favored by one of the thrift store volunteers. Who does massage therapy, cheap. Which the Domination of Eiler has commissioned, to support its neighborhood and enhance the health of the Domination Guard, to lift even more boxes at the thrift store.
  • The Domination Guard works out at the aerobics classes of the Palatine Park District, not at the snooty yuppie gym near the train station. Some of the management from the thrift store does likewise.
  • The local barroom and concert venue "Durty Nellie's" is within walking distance of the thrift store. The Dominator saw John Mayall in concert there. He's the old English blues guy who first hired Eric Clapton to record an album. (Or was he second, after the Yardbirds?)

The Domination of Eiler has already intervened in the affairs of the Palatine Park District. The Domination Guard led the aerobic exercises one morning as a substitute teacher, and was promptly offered an ongoing class in January! The Domination is starting to blossom in its new homeland.

It's obvious that Palatine contains a nexus of great interconnectedness, therefore of great power. The Domination of Eiler has now tapped into that power. The revenue here may be minor by corporate standards, but the work is straightforward and sincere. And it pays the bills. The Domination is naturally frugal, except when going to dinner and tipping the bartenders, because tipping the bartenders pays off.

The Domination of Eiler may yet choose to further invest its effort and resources into the Nexus of Palatine, to enhance its power and prestige within its District of Dominance. It may not be a lucrative life, compared with programming for one of the annoying major corporations. And it may not be an adventurous life, compared with driving to Alaska and then riding a bicycle back. But it would at least be interesting.

At least one psychological expert says, one should start a second life at the age of 45. The Domination of Eiler is exactly on schedule to do this.

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12 September 2006

Raid on the Chicago Theatre District
"Wicked" submits to the Domination.

Due to this year's drastic life change, the Domination of Eiler now gets Tuesdays off from work. This is ideal for going to the theatre in downtown Chicago; Tuesday crowds can buy one ticket for $75 or so (after copious service charges) and get a $25 gift card. Therefore, at 7:30 tonight the musical "Wicked" finally submits to the Domination.

  • The Domination Train provides convenient hourly service within four blocks of EilerBase Palatine. The 2:25 inbound train was chosen, to allow much time for dinner, coffee, and editing of adventure journals both real and imagined. (Operational music "South Side of the Sky".)
  • Local installation of Elephant and Castle Pub was randomly chosen for dinner, and provided lamb curry and Boddington's Pub Ale. Pricey at $6 a pint, but not outlandish by downtown Chicago standards. And it's one of the (seemingly) few draft beer places in the Loop.
  • Coffee and dessert at Lavazza coffee shop, within rocket-launcher distance of the Ford Oriental theatre where "Wicked" is playing. The Dominator's seat at the cafe's front window allowed him to view the theatre, the weather, and the passers-by, and recharge his portable computing equipment. Highly recommended... but they close at 6:30!
  • Nearby Atwood Cafe provided refuge from a thunderstorm, and a single 12-ounce bottle of German beer... for $7. Not recommended, unless you're a fancy businessperson staying on premises in the fancy hotel. Fancy people seem to like the place.

The Domination of Eiler is eager to find out what kind of musical comes from a novel about raunchy sex, transportation infrastructure, and power politics in Oz. Now the truth can be told: it's a pretty good musical. The raunchy sex is glossed over in 30 seconds; the transportation infrastructure is ignored. But the power politics remain, in a form you can mostly sing along with, to make Our Heroine truly (anti-)heroic.

Late return on the Domination Train. Through great effort, the Domination infantry force arrived just in time to watch the 10:30 train pull away. Fortunately there's an 11:30 departure, and even a 12:30 if need be. And the terminal bar is open until 11 pm, or later if it's filled with Cubs fans who can't stay all 11 innings. But Cubs won! And late night train riders sensibly stretch out and take their shoes off.

Life is good.

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