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Domination of Eiler

2009 Tennessee Spring Blog (#18)

April - March 2009

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided at the top of the page.
Hello and welcome to the Domination of Eiler!

30 April 2009

Downtown 25-Saloon Initiative: 21
Nashville Occupation Brief
Recruiters have formally given up on finding the Domination's engineers a new job in Tennessee. More time for balcony patrol and saloon initiatives, before ultimately leaving town.

27 April 2009

Balcony Patrol
Pandemic, or the return of an old tradition. Or... both!

Yesterday the Dominator skipped church for the first time since... well, he'd showed up at church that day but they'd cancelled the service because they were having a blizzard. This time it was just a bad cold. But the TV was saying, Swine Flu! Be Proactive and Stay Home! Admittedly a good general principle, even without Swine Flu, especially when dealing with people one actually cares about.

This morning the Dominator can still shoot great gouts of phlegm from his nose. CNN analysts describe many symptoms of the Swine Flu, but phlegm is actually not one of them. Based on this analysis, the Domination of Eiler has no reason to believe any of its citizens is the first Swine Flu victim in Tennessee. But even a severe cold is a good reason to uphold the public health.

The Dominator kept a dental appointment, because health professionals can deal with infections. But he went more or less straight home for rest, ate groceries, and whittled sticks on the balcony.

The Domination of Eiler has a proud tradition of balcony patrol. In Massachusetts, the Balcony of Dominance-Douglas hosted many barbecues, including at least three for guests. It helped launch the Hall of Sticks (a.k.a. the Woodcarving Directorate of the Domination of Eiler). It even gave a chance to talk to the neighborhood kids, some of whom actually brought sticks in for whittling. Each balcony has its own special benefits.

Today the Balcony of Dominance-Nashville gave opportunity to whittle some sticks swiped from nuns and watch some neighbors move out. The Domination Guard was thus able to move its four-wheel assault vehicle to oblige the moving truck, by subtle command of the One Maker. But here in the compound we hope, moving out isn't a new tradition. Where would we all move to?

This particular balcony has peculiarities.

  • It faces west, and is overwhelmed by sun before 3 pm. This being the U.S. South, that makes it intolerably hot. However, one may place a jug of sun tea out at 1 pm and get an acceptable benefit from solar radiation.
  • Barbecues on this balcony are prohibited by the City/County of Nashville/Davidson (proud to be the nation's first city/county Gov). Electric grills are allowed outdoors, though. Oh, is electricity safer when it rains? And if the Domination of Eiler wants an electric cooker, it'll learn to cook indoors.
  • The Domination of Eiler of course resists all county-level rules as a matter of principle. The Dominator, as the rightful head of mankind, naturally has the Maker-given right to do this. But he has some personal reasons to do this also.
    • The Dominator comes from the Town of Speedway-Indiana, which is probably the first community to resist what the City/County of Indianapolis/Marion called "Unigov".
    • The Town of Douglas-Massachusetts which once hosted EilerBase laughs at county government. So does every community in Massachusetts. They often consider abolishing county government.
  • The Domination of Eiler now therefore abolishes the claims of every county Gov to suppress alcohol and barbecues. National Govs have already given these prohibitions up, so no abolition is needed against them. This rule will of course be enforced when the Domination comes to formal power.
  • But back to balcony patrol...

For most purposes, the Domination of Eiler prefers a northward-facing balcony. This was good enough throughout winter 2002 in Massachusetts. (Just scrape the snow away; the barbecue will warm things up!) But it ever works with what the One Maker grants.

25 April 2009

West End 25-Saloon Initiative: 6
The Siege of EilerBase Nashville
In the Domination of Eiler, "race war" is when you fight Race Day traffic.
Steam-Powered Galactus
During what normal people call real life, the Domination of Eiler has its own concerns.

Earlier this week, the Dominator saw road signs in his North Nashville-Tennessee neighborhood: "Road closed for Country Music Marathon, April 25, 6 am - 2 pm". Then at his apartment complex he saw the sign: "Due to road closures, office closed April 25." The office was at least kind enough to provide a marathon route map before it closed.

  • Miles 14 through 18 of the Nashville marathon race would completely surround EilerBase Nashville. Access in or out would be regulated by local police.
  • The nearby Maxwell House Hotel would provide blues musicians to serenade the runners throughout the Saturday morning, from an outdoor stage considerately placed across the street from the Dominator's private chambers.
  • 35,000 runners were expected to show up. Some of those might fairly be expected to take the "Half-Marathon" shortcut and skip North Nashville, but one would still guess 20,000 full marathon runners. That's about as many troops as either the Federals or Confederates brought to besiege Nashville.

The Domination of Eiler considered evacuating Nashville for the weekend, but decided against it. The Domination does not fear any Race Day, and Saturday morning road closures seldom impact its world domination plans. As for music, the Domination trusted to ear plugs.

So the Dominator stayed in place through the preceeding week, and carried on his new Nashville mission pattern. This often involves staving off cabin fever.

Urinals and the Skyline
Urinals actually make a useful addition to any skyline. See these other post-race attractions:
  • The Orange Wedge Refreshment Station
  • The Gel-Packet Refreshment Station
  • The Nashville Bicentennial Park
  • On Race Day morning the sonic shielding worked better than expected. The Dominator therefore woke at 8:30 as usual, considerably later than expected.

    • The race had started at 7 am, so by 8:30 the fast elements of the invading force were already passing Mile 14 for review from the Dominator's balcony. By 9 am those elements were zipping past Mile 18 a block away near the blues band, while massive reinforcements swarmed Mile 14.
    • Saturday morning then proceeded as usual for the Dominator, aside from occasionally stepping onto the balcony to review his besiegers on their increasingly slow march.
    • Shortly after noon the Domination Guard broke out for its usual Saturday afternoon mission: lunch. Slow runners were still on the streets; fast ones were already at lunch tables. But the Domination of Eiler broke through in one pub well away from the finish line, to support its Saloon Initiatives. The outdoor tables had people proudly wearing their running badges, but the interior was dominated by local poker players. The Dominator merged in with the inside.

    The Eiler patrol considered additional downtown coverage for this special day, but decided to leave it to the tourists. Instead retreated on North Nashville for local parks and shopping.

    • There the Bicentennial Park has (of course) the history of Tennessee since the Ice Age, in politically correct fashion. This is not to be confused with the Centennial Park, which has Earth Day concerts, a Parthenon, the origin point of the Natchez Trace, and today's marathon start line.
    • But North Nashville has the Nashville Farmers' Market. This sells healthy food that any yuppie would like - and has practically no yuppies. It also has no Nashville marathon runners, which is practically the same thing as yuppies, except marathon runners are sweatier.
    • The Dominator (being of lily-white Anglo-German origin) is minority-race at the market - as throughout North Nashville. But this makes a nice reversal, in comparison to the marathon runners and other Nashville tourists.

    Back at the gated compound which protects EilerBase Nashville from marathon runners and other riffraff, the resident entry gate had broken from overuse or attempt thereupon. Fortunately the Dominator has already proven his ability to slither under the gate if need be. A bicycle-based lifestyle with dining only as the need arises, is actually fairly reductive toward the waistline in its own way. Too bad this trick doesn't work for everyone - and that the office is closed for Nashville Race Day today.

    Finished the evening updating this fine journal at the neighborhood pub: the new Maxwell House Hotel. There was some marathon traffic there, but that faded out early. Nashville might actually be back to normal tonight, as early-morning marathon runners continue to fade. Mark Twain would probably even recognize the city, and be suitably amused. As is the Domination of Eiler.

    23 April 2009

    The Parthenon of Nashville Athena Pan-Tennesseos
    West End 25-Saloon Initiative: 5
    Nashville Parthenon Brief
    Nashville really must be the Athens of the South, because its West End has a scale-model Parthenon with a replica statue of Athena.

    21 April 2009

    Tennessee has two things in abundance: musicians and battlefields. Battlefield today.
    Battlefield Trench
    Tennessee still has battlefield trenches. See also:
  • Artillery Monument
  • Like U.S. General Rosecrans before it, the Domination of Eiler advanced upon the U.S. Civil War battlesite of Murfreesboro-Tennessee from the northwest, but got held up at the Stones River crossing.

    • On close approach the Domination's expeditionary force saw a sign saying, turn left for the Stones River battlefield. But the map said, turn right. So did a gas station attendant. Part of the confusion was, the gas station was surrounded by battlefield.
    • Much of the main battlefield resisted Domination; the Federal defense lines were mostly still open, but a tornado had gone through where the Confederates first attacked. That's actually kind of realistic.
    • The battlefield has a Visitor Center run by the U.S. National Park Service. Its exhibits teach these inspirational lessons: Initial success may belong to the force which attacks before breakfast, but final success goes to the force which declines to retreat.

    Like General Rosecrans before it, the Domination of Eiler made it past Stones River into Murfreesboro, but didn't conquer a lot after that.

    • Murfreesboro has restaurants and a state university, and is probably a nice place to live.
    • Murfreesboro also has a couple of commemorative plaques: "This is the geographic center of Tennessee" and "This was once the state capital of Tennessee".
    • But the main tourist attraction is the remnant of Fortress Rosecrans, built after the battle. Murfreesboro has made this the centerpiece of a bicycle trail. So let all conquerors be remembered.

    20 April 2009

    Downtown 25-Saloon Initiative: 20
    Nashville Musician Hall of Fame Brief
    The (Session) Musician Hall of Fame was discovered. Cheaper than the Country Music Hall of Fame, but not by much.

    18 April 2009

    West End 25-Saloon Initiative: 4
    Downtown 25-Saloon Initiative: 19
    Nashville Earth Day Brief
    Nashville's Earth Day (Observed) concerts plus two fronts of Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative, are barely enough to combat cabin fever when the Domination of Eiler is between jobs. It may be time for road trips soon.

    16 April 2009

    West End 25-Saloon Initiative: 3
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    Declared a separate Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative for the West End of Nashville, and added one to the existing tally there.

    15 April 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 17
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    - Job recruiters have started calling, so best have long lunches while still possible.
    - Meanwhile, blood tests show the Dominator to be in elite-status health. Life insurance agent says, whatever you're doing, keep it up!

    13 April 2009

    Return to the Hudson Valley
    The Domination of Eiler can strike anywhere. Today, New York state.
    Ride the Bunny Train!
    Ride the Bunny Train at the Danbury Railroad Museum.
    See the Life-Size FDR
    See the iron Roosevelts at the FDR Presidential Library in Hyde Park-New York. See also:
  • The Local Vanderbilt Mansion
  • Spent Easter weekend in Danbury-Connecticut observing the Eiler Doctrine, doing some local tourism, raising two dead sticks into lovely new resurrection bodies for hiking, and releasing them to raise funds for a church. Today, broke loose from associate-Eilers extraordinarily early, for one day of New York state tourism before return to EilerBase Nashville.

    The day was mostly consumed by FDR's hometown Hyde Park.

    With only one day to pacify the region, a firefighting museum and several interesting-looking historic homes further up the valley were bypassed. One suspects half of them weren't open Mondays anyway.

    Instead, the patrols snuck through Rensellaer-New York and reoccupied Colonie near the airport; same hotel as before, but new restaurants to conquer. Extraction tomorrow.

    8 April 2009

    Albany Mission Brief
    - Prearranged mission to eastern previously-conquered parts of the Domination of Eiler.
    - Airline travel ok, by airline standards.
    - Basic but comfortable barracks and neighborhood dinner in Colonie-New York.

    5 April 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 16
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    The next week has some major preparations,
    but for today let's just have Sunday dinner like always after church.

    3 April 2009

    The Last Act of the Alliance
    One big wrap luncheon - supported by the Domination of Eiler.

    The Domination of Eiler is proud to have contributed intelligence from its Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative, on the occasion of its North Nashville corporate sponsor's wrap luncheon.

    Today, much of the office was terminated - or at least reassigned. This employer was more eager than most; it let the contractors out at noon. Many rushed home to their families. But twenty-five people felt like a spontaneous long lunch.

    The Domination had made its own plans for closing ceremonies, but they assumed getting out of work at quitting time, with maybe ten of its friends, and thus supporting its neighborhood pub. But North Nashville is strange; the neighborhood pub doesn't open until 2 pm.

    So the Domination of Eiler submitted its great area knowledge of Nashville restaurants to the consideration of the local luncheon organizer, so as to avoid the judgment of Nashville itself.

    • Twenty-five people would have swarmed and overwhelmed any of the restaurants in North Nashville (well maybe there's one that could have handled it, but it's awfully fancy).
    • Twenty-five people would have been edged out of any Fancy Place in pretentious West-End Nashville.
    • Twenty-five commuters would have contended with parking lots downtown.
    • Fortunately the Gerst Haus in East Nashville is a big beer hall, convenient by highway, has free parking, and is usually ready for a spontaneous large lunchtime crowd.

    The Domination of Eiler supported this maneuver in person. It mostly drank iced tea so as to be social. But it did order a schooner of beer plus the Three Pig Knuckle dinner, to emphasize the wonder of good German cuisine. Two of those pork spectacles were taken home for later conquest (hey, it might be snack time later tonight - and tomorrow), but more importantly, they provided proper wonder at the time.

    If the Domination of Eiler has done nothing else lasting in the software engineering world since it came to Tennessee, it has at least made a major social occasion not collapse.

    2 April 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 15
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    Still on furlough. Scheduled some Tennessee dentistry.

    1 April 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 14
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    Still on furlough from work. Tended to insurance, updated resume,
    and overindulged in Web sites.

    30 March 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 13
    Ride the Rocket to the Ground
    It'll be kind of a relief when it lands.

    The Domination of Eiler invaded Nashville at the invitation of a corporate sponsor, with state government backing it. But now the state and the corporation have had a falling out, and the grand alliance is collapsing. That is to say, the Domination's engineering force can expect not to be employed in the near future. So can all of its fellow-travellers from Michigan, along with several new partners. The disadvantages are obvious, but there are some good points for everyone:

    • No summer in Nashville, at least not for these particular northerners. Nashville is lovely in the spring, but summer and the Southlands are two things that don't go well together.
    • Making this software work under these conditions, will be someone else's problem.

    But with apologies to the allies, there are some good points which apply only to the Domination of Eiler.

    • Of course, the Domination has contingency plans which enable it to work anywhere; otherwise, why be in Nashville? The plans assume six months down between contracts; the last interval wasn't even two.
    • The last month and a half in Nashville have been kind of like a paid vacation. Not always the best vacation, but still a new place to conquer, with other new conquests still to be made on all sides, during what seems to (at last) be abundant down time to come.
    • Nashville is as good a place as any to have an EilerBase for a few more months, until the current lease comes a bit closer to its end so as to be at least as cost-effective as a mid-range hotel.
    • If means of amusement run out, the Dominator can deploy his engineering force to make friends with the local Salvation Army thrift store. And it can work on a charity-service resume to display its credentials for this. Probably the resume will have four entries (Massachusetts church search committee, Illinois thrift store worker, Connecticut church web maintainer, Michigan neighborhood association secretary), which is more than a lot of business resumes have.

    Having nothing better to do for the moment, the Domination's occupation force will ride this particular rocket into the ground.

    • The corporate-ally is waffling about whether it has any use for its mercenaries, other than release them to serve its competitors. Until it decides, Domination and allied forces are on unpaid furlough.
    • The Dominator struck the Tennessee and Domination flags from his cubicle and marched out of the building to the tune of "O'Malley's Bar" as performed by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. The Conquering Cell Phone was in finest form for the morning, with songs like "No Point", "Nothing Else Matters", "O Death", and the Pink Floyd classic "One of These Days (I'm Going to Cut You Into Little Pieces)". Finest music from almost two years ago is back in rotation, and not a moment too soon.
    • A wrap luncheon was promptly observed at the Flying Saucer draft emporium. There the Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative passed its halfway point, with cheap Monday beer prices to boot.

    In the end, it will be a relief to leave Nashville. Outside of churches (many of which apparently serve breakfast to the homeless and enjoy having residents in their choirs), Nashville is kinder to tourists than to residents. Even inside the gated apartment compound, insurance agents say, lock your doors. And they should know.

    New allies in Nashville will mourn as the Domination's occupation force inevitably leaves town. Current allies in the rest of the Domination will rejoice as the Dominator finally makes his long-postponed grand tour - if new employers don't horn in first, that is. In short, it will probably be business as usual in the Domination of Eiler.

    11 March 2009

    True to form, the Domination is fitting in with some people - and offending others.

    This journal has already reported how the Dominator got mistaken for a homeless person. Since then, there've been a couple more incidents.

    Last week, the Dominator was walking through the woods in his employer-ally's industrial park, when aged yuppies came out of the nearest building and accosted him for suspicious behavior on private property. The Dominator's stylish neon yellow hoodie sweater that said "GET LOST..." probably didn't help.

    • In Nashville, industrial parks live side by side with fancy hotels, yuppie housing, a nunnery (!), cement plants, and slums. Reportedly some slum-dwellers come out to steal car stereos. The Dominator having no car stereo on hand, and the yuppies not having legal sanction, a simple scolding occurred.
    • The yuppies have a point, though. Since then, someone apparently went into the Domination's bike bag. The industrial park has a county clerk office, and attracts quite a few malefactors who have to pay traffic tickets.
    • Nothing of value was taken, because this problem was anticipated and nothing attractive was stored on the bike. Still, the bike now parks inside.

    Today, the allied line-of-command consulted with the Dominator on another matter. Stick-of-Paducah was evicted from the facility, for resembling a weapon.

    • The discussion could as well have been about anything. In past it's been about cubicle decorations, headphone volume, telephone ring tone, bandanas, bicycle parking, package shipment to the office, body odor on humid days, and only putting in two hours of overtime in one day. These all could yet be issues here.
    • Those are only one man's peculiarities. Others (here and/or at other projects) enjoy loud conversations, overenthusiastic e-mailing, burnt popcorn, stuffing the whole lunchbox in the fridge, and even paperball wars. Experience shows, the best survival strategy is to ignore these things when need be, and enjoy them when feasible. Unfortunately, apparently not all people can survive this way.
    • For today's discussion, the Domination of Eiler could in return have claimed harassment for physical disability. Chiropractors in Lansing-Michigan can vouch, the Dominator sometimes needs to walk with a stick.
    • Also, it's hard to understand how a 4-foot stick is itself more threatening than the 6-foot guy who wields it - or any number of concealed weapons which that guy may legally carry in Tennessee, as long as he's not inside a liquor store or the Statehouse. If a melee weapon ever should be useful in Nashville, the Domination's 5-foot Battlestaff of the Voldumar Woods would be much more suitable anyway.
    • Still the Domination of Eiler does not wish to threaten without cause, and is acquainted to the concept of "peace bonding" for personal items such as costume swords at conventions. It prefers to teach people not to fear, but it does not presume to define what should be feared. So, in this one case it submits. When a hiking stick is necessary (for instance, when walking from home on a rainy day), it will be stored where the bike usually goes.
    • Whenever software engineers share a facility with normal people, there's culture shock. Normal people usually complain about engineers' irreverent attitude toward rules in general. Soon the State of Tennessee will be inviting this small army of software engineers into its own facility. What's next?

    This all fits in with what the Domination knows about Nashville-Tennessee. More than anywhere else in the Domination of Eiler it's a land of haves and have-nots, and the haves are kind of paranoid. Under the conditions it's understandable; for instance, it's nice to live in a gated community here, even if it's designed for yuppies. But people even squabble over free parking spaces, even when they are in abundance. Oh, just walk a little farther. And the Domination can at least resolve to not squabble over who gets in the community gate if there's a line to get in.

    9 March 2009

    Nashville Occupation Brief
    Made contact with Internet via cheap Acer Linux-based computer.
    Thereby finally published last month's updates.
    Expensive OQO Windows-based computer is now in its third week of repair.

    7 March 2009

    Nashville Occupation Brief
    - Evacuated hotel to colonize the new EilerBase and the new neighborhood pub.
    - Turned on the air conditioner in observance of Play Pants Day.

    6 March 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 12
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    Corporate sponsor started nagging about progress of semi-productive work.
    Still snuck out of work and took possession of long-term EilerBase.

    3 March 2009

    Twenty-Five Saloon Initiative: 10
    Nashville Occupation Brief
    First semi-productive work for the corporate sponsor.