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Domination of Eiler

2008 Autumn / Xmas Blog (#16)

December - October 2008

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided at the top of the page.
Hello and welcome to the Domination of Eiler!

31 December 2008

Waiting for the Shutdown
The end of the Domination of South Lansing-Michigan is coming.

The troops from the Final Conversion War are demobilizing. This marks the end of a long-standing alliance. In closing ceremonies, both factions of the alliance bestowed full honors upon each others' victorious forces.

To observe the occasion, the Domination of Eiler unveiled to its allies the glory of The Domination will therefore take the risk of people discovering that Eilertech is at least 75% silly. Early results indicate an immediate bump in traffic to the Domination's most popular web site, the Brazil Travelog. Or as the Domination of Eiler likes to call that now, the Hemispheric Offensive of 2005.

For obscure reasons not worth mentioning now, the Domination of Eiler based itself in Michigan throughout the alliance. It is now obvious, the demands of supporting a failing automotive industry plus the Dominator's extravagant lifestyle, have sucked Michigan dry of its economic well-being. For the good of the state of Michigan, it's therefore time to leave its shrivelled husk behind. Much like after university in 1983.

The evacuation was started without fanfare this afternoon. The first stage was retreat from the Domination-allied engineering compound, accomplished without incident via bicycle. The Dominator is finally Michigan-tough enough to ride to work after a snowstorm when the side roads still aren't clear. In Michigan this is standard practice, especially among those for whom automobiles are a luxury. And the Domination's mighty NARF-Cycle is capable enough to carry several bags of cargo one big mile from work back home, to the Great Hall of Eiler.

The evacuation plan is to spend one month closing down the regular Domination patrols of South Lansing-Michigan. A church, a gym, a neighborhood pub, a neighborhood association which used to meet at that pub, and a team of chiropractors will each have an interest. For the remainder of greater Lansing... good luck.

After that, the Domination of Eiler will retreat upon its Continental EilerDepot warehouse near Chicago-Illinois, so as to stow its gear, greet its local allies there, and prepare for work anywhere. Thereafter, if all goes well, a Kentucky offensive and a goodwill tour of New England will follow. After that, the long-awaited offensive against Alaska may finally happen. But judging from the past, some software consulting job will probably interfere.

Bulletins to follow, of course. But the Domination of Eiler has earned a wrap dinner at the neighborhood pub first. And the Dominator's main reaction is, "At last my life can start again!"

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13 December 2008

Pageant Time
The Domination of Eiler vs. the Final Conversion War vs. holiday pageants.
"It's cold, it's wet, it's miserable.... Watch this! We're going to defy the elements and have a good time anyway!" - A. G. McDowell

The Final Conversion War is technically over, because the data's all converted and actually being used now. But the corporate allies of the Domination of Eiler are still observing the season with consecutive seven-day work weeks. The Domination's mercenary force is taking advantage of this bizarre holiday practice, to earn lots of vacation pay in advance. And it's shown its ability to fix problems much faster than the fixes can be approved for implementation.

The Domination's local church allies have their own practice, more traditional but equally bizarre in its own way... Once every 10 years or so, the Domination discovers a church which writes its own pageant. A well-meaning member of the congregation rewrites the Christmas or Easter story as a musical with inventive new roles, and the choir is automatically enrolled. South Lansing-Michigan has one such church.

In this year's pageant, there's a role for turtledoves who sing the Savior a lullaby. This role is particularly ironic, because aside from the sheep off in the fields, turtledoves are the only animals mentioned in the Bible's version of the Christmas story. Mary and Joseph took the doves to the Temple in Jerusalem for blood sacrifice (Luke 2:22-24).

The Domination of Eiler is of two minds about inventive pageantry. Its Bishop-Principal cautions all who would add to the Biblical record, not to add judgment upon themselves per Revelation 22:18. But the Domination Guard choral force signed on for extra duty, as the cute sheep who gave the Savior his wool for use as a baby blanket.

In all fairness, the Domination is itself not entirely innocent of adding to the Bible record. For entertainment purpose, in 2004 it constructed a fictional scenario wherein Jesus of Nazareth was so pure and blameless, he didn't plan his own death to the extent commonly supposed.

  • The idea came to the Dominator in a dream, so one might say it came from the Kingdom of Heaven.
  • The plot concept went where the dreams all go: the ongoing Superhuman World stories. That year's story line had escalated so far, the Crucifixion became a side effect of a war between the world's most powerful mutant and the United Nations.
  • Theologically the question may be posed: how innocent are you if you die for mankind's sins, but suicide is a sin and you plan for people to kill you? Surely this has been debated by professional theologians before. The Domination of Eiler trusts they have a suitable answer, and does not propose to dispute it with any alternate explanation.
  • As for the superhuman elements of the story, they are of course not intended to be taken as Gospel, and should not detract from any Bible-based theology.

Having an active fiction writer on staff, the Domination could actually scrape together a Christmas pageant based on its own stories. St. Nicholas would not appear, because he's only shown up for Mother's Day (2003) and Thanksgiving (2006) so far. But the Christmas holiday stories have guest-starred Mary of Nazareth (2000), Bugs Bunny (2003), and the British Army in Iraq (2005).

Of course, every pageant needs a wholesome conclusion which reveals The True Meaning of the Holiday. The Domination has one of these written already also, as part of its Xmas Blog.

The only thing missing is music. The Domination of Eiler has a vast musical library to fill this void. To help in selection, its computers today provided some music at random:

  • Open by King Missile, as an overture. "Open the door to your heart and your mind; there are so many places to go."
  • The Lady in Red by Uriah Heep, to go with the Mary scene. "Yet she the mother of all men, did counsel me so wisely then."
  • Fortune Presents Gifts Not According to the Book by Dead Can Dance, to accompany the Bugs Bunny scene. "When you expect whistles, it's flutes; when you expect flutes, it's whistles."
  • You Gotta Move by various blues artists including the Rolling Stones, to go with the British Army scene. This song actually showed up twice, if you count it on the campus radio on the way home from pageant practice. "When the Lord says ready, you gotta move!"
  • Some kind of grand finale is called for. Let's pick an old favorite, like Little Drummer Boy / Peace on Earth by Bing Crosby and David Bowie. "To see the Day of Glory, to see the day when men of good will live in peace..." In the Domination of Eiler, of course, the Day of Glory has already come. The problem remains, men not of good will.

The Domination of Eiler therefore claims pageant parity with all its rival powers. Let the disarmament talks start.

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14 November 2008

The Domination of Eiler vs. the Final Conversion War vs. epidemics.

The Final Conversion War is on schedule - and more. The advance of the Domination of Eiler mercenary force was scheduled for two weeks. Thanks to massive efficiency and automation, plus everything going right the first time (so far, including one big initial battle like unto Thermopylae, and no somebody-else's-problem battles like Salmacis), plus good marching music from Neil Young and Fishbone (like "We're On the Road to Never", "Servitude", and "Long May You Run"), conversion is practically done after two days.

But toward the end of the offensive, the Dominator was struck with contagion. The final conversion has been therefore proceeding without his personal involvement. As well it was trained to. The Dominator has trained his cyber-underling-progams for this campaign for 22 months. has recently declared its ability to track flu outbreaks better than the U.S. Center for Disease Control. Toward that end, the Domination of Eiler says (should either Google or the CDC care to track to this level), this particular contagion is just a bad cold. But it is still worthy of quarantine, so as not to infect cow-orkers or the general public.

  • Quarantine began Wednesday evening. Since then, the Domination of Eiler forces have survived on what can be eaten raw or cooked in a microwave oven or a coffee maker.
  • The forces haven't sweated in bed. So it must be a cold, not a flu. Starve a cold, feed a fever.
  • Since Thursday morning, no personal interaction at all. Not even from from local pubs which are a major nutrition source in the Domination of Eiler. Replaced this nutrition with soup and hot dogs. Fortuately in the Domination of Eiler we starve colds, not feed them with good meals from down the street.
  • No visits to local gym either. Replaced this with Fit TV. The instructor Gilad is never off the beat (unlike some local instructors), but he can't raise a sweat among trained Domination forces in his 30 minute time slot.

Even under quarantine conditions, the vigor of the Domination of Eiler is only slightly abated. Even while staying out from work and taking frequent naps, it cleaned house to a nearly unprecedented extent - and stained part of its landlord's deck so as to not have scrapable amounts of mold between the deck wood and the next eatable snow. Wow, time off from work!

Now it's Friday evening. Within the Domination forces, the contagion has proceeded to where it can only benefit from a massive dose of throat-soothing beverage which also dries out the human nasal system. That is to say, it's beer time. Like every Friday evening.

It is expected, Saturday and days thereafter will be as usual. On Monday, likely the Dominator will re-enter the Final Conversion War alongside a different division of the great king's troops, with all taint of contagion long gone, all praise to the One Maker.

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10 November 2008

Drink Before the War
The end of the peacekeeping mission in South Lansing-Michigan may finally be in sight - but there's still a month and a half of heavy action left.

The Time of the Darkflower is upon the District of Dominance. In other words, winter is coming. Measurable amounts of eatin' snow fell yesterday.

The Domination of Eiler custom is to plan for one last road trip in late November, before the roads freeze for the winter. But that's probably not happening this year, because the corporate-sponsored mission to South Lansing-Michigan is reaching its climax. The cyber-maneuvers involved therein are like assembling an army of two million men from a realm of many kings, to cross the Hellespont and burn Athens and Sparta. The Dominator's part in this event is like a mighty general, responsible for about half the cyber-data. The attack of the Eiler mercenary force starts in earnest tomorrow. It is the Final Conversion War.

After that, it might be the end of the contract. Yes, it's been theorized before (1 2), but when the job's actually done, the contract's usually done too.

So, the Domination has made time for dinner tonight at the neighborhood pub, and a drink before the war. May not get the road trip in, but can at least get the big dinner. Hi, everyone.

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8 November 2008

The Way of His Ascension
The recent U.S. Presidential election has been a lot like a passion play, Disney style.

U.S. President-Elect Obama has run for national office exactly twice. Both times, his strategy has been to appear squeaky clean, emanate warm fuzzies, avoid having ever made a controversial decision, and wait for his opponents to self-destruct.

  • 2004, Illinois elections: Incumbent U.S. Senator Ryan (R, Illinois) is seen in a strip club and has to abort his campaign for reelection. The best replacement the Republican Party can find is a far right-wing commentator from New Hampshire. Obama wins that election by 60 percentage points. Toward the end, he spends his time helping other candidates out, and his own campaign ads sound like Lion King pride marches.
  • 2008, Democratic primaries: The party redefines its rules so that (1) all votes against Barack Obama from Michigan and Florida (where he doesn't bother to campaign) are ignored, and (2) in other states, he gets delegates whether or not he wins. Analysts say, if the Democratic Party had operated under the same winner-take-all rules as most jurisdictions do in the general election, Hillary Clinton would have won the primaries.
  • 2008, general election: The Republican candidate is surprisingly competitive, until he selects his running mate as though he were campaigning against the Libertarian candidate instead of the Democratic candidate. In response, the Domination of Eiler buys an Obama T-shirt. Many citizens follow the Domination's lead.

Now it's over, almost anticlimactically. Everything's so Peace-and-Love right now, one has to wonder if the election was just an elaborate Passion Play staged for the world's benefit.

In any case, forces of world domination were obviously working in Mr. Obama's favor. The Domination of Eiler was one such force. It and its citizens were instrumental in this shift of power.

  • The Senator's homeland in Chicago falls within the Domination Core Territory of Illinois.
  • The jurisdictions which majority-voted for Senator Obama correspond quite closely to the U.S. main territory and western outposts of the Domination of Eiler.

People are afraid the new President will be assassinated by right-wing loonies, thus giving his nation an even more authentic taste of the JFK era. But one suspects it would take a bit more effort to do that than militiamen can pull off without powerful help. And the powers seem to have been backing the winner all along.

This is probably a reassuring thing for the world, with warm fuzzies thrown in as is Obama's specialty. In the Dominator's demographic (that is to say, educated geeks who spend too much time using computers), most people join the world in celebrating the prospect of a United States government which acts like a good citizen of the world. But the sentiment was scary for a while.

  • In South Lansing-Michigan, candidate McCain had officially given up, but his lawn signs were still in almost as much evidence as Obama lawn signs. But near the main thoroughfare between the state Capitol and the low-income housing, the McCain signs got trampled down regularly. What, is an enemy opinion so dangerous?
  • One e-mail correspondent used the term "Resurrection Day" for the day of the shift in power. Wow, is America really coming back from the dead like Jesus did?
  • Another said it was lucky he got his first Alaska state quarter after Election Day, otherwise he would have thrown it out because enemies of the Blue States come from there. (The Dominator still has his Alaska quarter, though his Arizona quarter seems to have gone missing.)
  • Other correspondents vowed never to set foot in Kentucky or West Virginia, for the 30 minutes or so when those states had put John McCain ahead in the electoral college.
  • Some have even been idealizing any U.S. leader who's not the soon-to-be-ousted President. One theory is circulating that the only reason Bill Clinton didn't smash al-Qaeda is, he left his master stroke for his successors in the Gore Adminstration to execute.

One Maker help the new President when he turns out not to be perfect, as no President is. The Domination of Eiler reminds its citizens: The new President won't be perfect, but he won't be the end of the world either. At least not all by himself.

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31 October 2008

Halloween Friday 2008
Two cities worth of holiday fun.
The Costume
People say the Dominator's Halloween costume isn't scary enough. But children and Baptists liked it. See also:
  • No Costume is Complete Without Shoes
  • Gumby Flash
  • The Great Pumpkin Hall of Eiler
  • The Domination of Eiler Halloween Party is in progress as usual in Illinois this year. But the Dominator is still in Michigan and had to attend via cell phone. In case nobody heard all his part of the conversation:

    • Yes, the Dominator's sorry the newborn child couldn't get into the party venue and meet all his mom's friends. It is Domination of Eiler doctrine to not party with children, but newborns are usually pretty harmless. Still, it's impressive to hear of a bar that actually enforces a "no children" rule.
    • Yes, the current job is great. They want more work, but they pay for more work. Up to a new contractual limit of 40 hours a week, that is. But that still means if they want work on the day after Thanksgiving, they actually have to pay for it.
      • For the regular work week, the Domination of Eiler engineering staff is excellent at not working when not paid. Or as the current dictum puts it, "manage your work hours to maintain availability". For instance, while the customer is deciding what code changes they want next, the average workday usually has room for nap time.
      • The Domination's partner-gym has cooperatively made room for weekend work, by cancelling all Saturday noontime classes. Woe to you, wicked souls. Hope not ever to see the Dominator while he's still drinking coffee at 10 am.
      • The Dominator's sponsored-neighbor-org still wants to have a meeting one Saturday per month, particularly tomorrow morning. Might have to live without the Dominator tomorrow, though. (After-Action Report: Made the meeting! But went straight home for naps.)
    • Yes, the current job probably ends in December. This time for sure. Really.
    • No, the Dominator's not sure what he'll do if the current employer offers another two-year project. The Dominator's destiny-sense is tingling, and it's saying, it's time to go work Out There beyond the Domination Frontline somewhere.
      • Down time is not a problem. Indeed, it's well deserved. The job market still seems hyperactive, for those who can either be a software engineer or a cashier.
      • The Dominator's financial backers say, the financial independence declared at the Day of Glory is still possible. The Domination's assets do look smaller on paper this year. But since the funny money evaporated, 2008 dollars are worth more than 2007 dollars. And the Domination of Eiler did not have most of its investments in funny money.
    • Yes, the Dominator's coming back to Illinois, when the current job is over. His stuff's still there. But no, he's probably not staying, just passing through to wherever. Paducah-Kentucky is supposed to be nice...
    • Yes, the Dominator gave candy to the children of his neighborhood, just like last year. Being a responsible landholder of the city of Lansing and in residence at the time, he practically had to.
      • Candy season was almost exactly 6 to 8 pm.
      • The Domination bought enough candy to fill the volume of 12 cans of beer - as measured by putting the candy in a cooler. That's almost twice as much candy as was thought needed. But at the end, there was only one plate of leftovers.
      • This year, the champion inappropriate trick-or-treater was a normally-dressed 250+ pound man with a beard, sweating heavily, who took candy and then asked to borrow the phone. Uh, no.
      • Amazingly enough for a Friday night, the Dominator didn't drink any beer in the meantime. Made up for it later.
    • Yes, the Dominator went out to party afterward, at his favorite Michigan neighborhood pub. From there this dispatch comes. As usual. This pub is used to that. But lots of the people there know him.
      • Restaurant side kind of boring. The only other guy in costume, dressed as the Dominator in his "Gunslinger" aspect. But good to have food.
      • Sports pub side had no patrons in costume. But they have a costume contest! It might be time to go win it. The party portion of Michigan Halloween Friday started late, even later than the allies started in Illinois, despite a 1-hour time zone advantage. So the night's still young.

    ... But that's about it for the journal. You might say, the rest of the night is predictable.

    Meanwhile, in the Domination's fiction-blog, the Dominator's determined that the U.S. presidential election will be decided by a giant gorilla. It's time to start telling the world exactly how. And as ever, this barroom is the place to write the story. Not even the height of Halloween Friday in the District of Dominance can change that.

    • Especially because, costume contest called off due to lack of more than one contestant. Wusses all!
    • Most people (not just here) see the Golden Age Flash costume and say, "Flash Gordon!" Seeing as how there may be some shared pulp-fiction heritage which comic-book fans may not admit, it's long past time to argue. One might say, the proper code word for tonight is "Reticent" - which fits the stories.
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    26 October 2008

    The future is uncertain, but the Domination of Eiler remains constant.
    A Costume
    The Dominator's Halloween costume is more dignified than jelly beans, but only slightly.
    Another Costume
    The costume is also less obscure than Anne of Green Gables, but only slightly.

    Short term, Halloween plans are uncertain.

    • A costume has of course been prepared: the Golden Age Flash. The main challenge was to give him a winged helmet that doesn't make him look like Thor.
    • The costume got a trial run yesterday, to help convince the people of South Lansing that Baptists don't all hate Halloween.
      • In the Domination of Eiler, grown-ups put on costumes, come up your driveway, and give you treats! This is remarkably like how Santa takes the Domination's toys during the Domination holiday of Xmas, in a double mirror-holiday sort of way.
      • There weren't all that many grown Baptists willing to wear silly costumes and go out in public, though. Good thing the Domination of Eiler was there.
      • Plenty of Baptist children were in attendance, though. And even the presence of other people's candy made them hyperactive. The Dominator therefore skipped the "Stuff Yourself in the Basement" church wrap dinner, and instead went to his favorite restaurant and watched his Michigan State Spartans defeat their evil enemies the Michigan "U-of-M" Wolverines. Bragging rights were observed among pro-Wolverine elements of the Baptists the next day, of course.
      • East and Central Lansing are both pro-Spartan, but South Lansing is effectively neutral. People who went to school at U-of-M and work for the Michigan Gov need places to live, after all.
      • (Notre Dame fans have that same problem. Judging from previous patrols, they all live in West Lansing.)
    • The old allies from the previous employer are, on their own initiative, continuing the Domination of Eiler Halloween Party. The Dominator would naturally deploy the forces to support them, except the current employer is really eager to keep the troops nearby. Hey, as long as they're paying.
    • Should circumstances keep the Dominator at home, he will of course give out candy to all juveniles who apply at his door. (In the news this week: One town prohibits high schoolers from Trick or Treat. What, do they want them to beat up the grade schoolers for candy?) And he'll wear costume. Then he'll find some other place where grown-ups wear costumes on Halloween. Most any neighborhood bar should do. Or if not, they'll at least understand.
    • Should the Dominator be away from home, he appreciates having neighbors who are ex-military and members of the Neighborhood Watch. He trusts they'll have their shotguns loaded as usual.
    • It would be good to take the trip so as to ceremonially vote in United States elections and react properly to ads that say "Help Us Defeat Barack Obama". But thankfully, the Dominator's jurisdiction of record has successfully mailed him his absentee ballot.
      • The ballot came from Chicago, where the Domination slogan is "Vote Early and Often". Probably no ballot cast there will make a meaningful difference to affirm or defeat Senator Obama, but it's the thought that counts.

    Medium and long term, plans for January are uncertain. The employer is probably not paying then, at least not on this project.

    • This is now the 21st month of a 6-month contract. Data is still about 75% converted. 100% conversion is scheduled to start in November. It is suspected, victory will be declared arbitrarily. But no matter how the victory happens, or what happens after, it will be worth a celebration.
    • The Domination of Eiler has long planned a continental goodwill tour for the occasion. Alaska will not be submitting in January 2009, but the Gulf Coast might. Then maybe the old allies in New England, then finally Alaska.
    • The economic advisors say, this Domination plan is still feasible. But under current economic conditions, the Dominator might have to pimp out his mercenary engineering force quickly. Possibly even in South Lansing some more, if there's still work to be found there. But might get some amusement and a pay hike from working anywhere else.

    Coincidentally, the Baptist allies in South Lansing are having a Bible study about father Abraham, who got his reputation (aside from his strange religious ideas about a One Maker) by colonizing out from Babylon and leaving everything behind. One study question was, How would your friends react if you left town forever? The Dominator's answer was, We might find out in January. Just as towns in Illinois and Massachusetts have found out before now. In some respects, life in the Domination of Eiler is much more Biblically accurate than normal people prefer.

    This is yet another situation of conflicting goals which all lead to more Domination. All praise to the One Maker.

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    4 October 2008

    A Sort of Homecoming 2008
    Once again the alumni come visit, but the Dominator just keeps on living here.

    Once again it's homecoming weekend at the nearby Michigan State University, from which the Dominator graduated. The Domination of Eiler planned accordingly.

    • Friday night, Homecoming Parade in East Lansing. The Dominator instead went to the theatre in Lansing Old Town, which is like a neighborhood of Central Lansing though it has pretensions of being North Lansing.
      • The play was "Dog Sees God", a sort of Peanuts tribute, only the play starts with Snoopy having torn Woodstock to bits. All the Peanuts gang had teen angst. And let's not even get into poor Schoeder.
      • For those who don't prefer Linus as a teenage pothead who smoked his own blanket, the Domination of Eiler can commend its own fiction in which Linus is a mystic born in the 1950s and his blanket is an artifact that the likes of Thanos want to capture. For those who don't mind how the kids wind up, the play was okay - and even respectful.
      • Lansing Old Town had its Octoberfest that same night. $17 USD admission, buying three bottled beers plus exposure to a band. This was bypassed.
    • Saturday morning, alumni had parties by their cars in East Lansing. The Dominator instead turned up for neighborhood meeting at neighborhood pub in South Lansing and did assistant-secretary duties. The neighborhood association relies on the Domination of Eiler for web services.
    • Saturday noon, Homecoming game started. The Dominator had the pleasure of seeing the barmaid tell the city council member to shut up because game time was coming. Alone from the neighborhood organization, the Dominator stayed with his pub neighbors to see the home team win on TV.
    • Saturday evening, walked to the next neighborhood uptown (but still in South Lansing) for dinner and met the next neighbors - well, actually passing through from the game, but they knew South Lansing. The venue is built like a vault, which is entirely appropriate for that neighborhood, but it's entirely pleasant on the inside.
    • Henceforward, the average weekend resumes - assuming the employer doesn't send out any panic e-mail for weekend duty. So, church and Sunday dinner, of course; probably pizza which is cheap and readily available throughout Central and South Lansing.
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