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Domination of Eiler

The Blog of Domination

"Blog" is short for "Web log". Which is to say, an online diary.

The Domination of Eiler usually doesn't need an ongoing web log; the weekly log takes care of that for the Core Territories, and the operation journals handle the outlying regions of the Domination.

However, there are special occasions where Domination conquests or other incidents inside the Core Territories are particularly worthy of note. For these occasions, the Domination has finally established a web log.

Like most blogs, the most recent episodes come first. Not quite like storytelling, eh?

April - February 2005

In This Episode:

11 March 2005

NARF Support of Coalition Partner Maneuvers in the Village Palatine, Illinois

Just last weekend, it was like spring. But winter's come back, to fill the full three months here in the Domination's Core Territories of Illinois. So, the Domination's mighty Near-Arctic Readiness Force has been seeing even more action than expected. And the NARF-Cycle carried the action today.

Tonight, the Domination's coalition partners assembled to honor one of their own. Happy Birthday, Yelena!

Assembly was in downtown Village of Palatine, Core Territories of Illinois, Domination of Eiler. Venue was Emmett's Tavern and Brewery, one of the wave of new Fancy Places invading this former working-class town. And the Dominator was in attendance, thanks to the NARF which provided bicycle transportation despite intermittent heavy snow.

The Dominator Emmett's was not so fancy as to give its patrons crayons, but it was fancy enough to have paper tablecloths suitable for drawing on. The Domination and its allies therefore exchanged the gift of caricatures.

After dinner, the coalition partners feared for the Domination force's safety. After all, the Domination force had to get back all the way back to EilerBase on a bicycle, along three miles of side roads with intermittent snow cover. The allies only had to get in their cars and brave the main highways filled with the same snow cover, plus Friday night drunks, with much more devastation at stake.

Roads, though mostly clear of snow, were coated with enough salt water to taste the spray. Nonetheless, Domination forces made it home safely (albeit drenched), all praise to the One Maker. But perhaps the coalition partners need the Dominator's Prayer tonight, more than the Domination forces do.

Dread Lord of the Domination, Give Power!

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6 March 2005

Cavalry Exercise in Busse Woods, Elk Grove, Illinois

The Domination of Eiler considers "spring" to be anything after the first February thaw. But now it's March, and it's sunny, and today the temperature jumped up 20 Fahrenheit degrees from the day before. It's finally a set of weather conditions that most people consider "spring".

To honor its citizens' tradition of "spring", the Domination Guard fast bicycle cavalry conducted one of its traditional exercises, in the Busse Woods of Elk Grove, Core Territories of Illinois, Domination of Eiler. The Domination had no time for the exercise... but with the weather this good, the Domination didn't want to ride its bike for fun, it had to.

As ever, the Domination thanks its loyal Sunday-afternoon bicycler, hiker, and beast-handler militia for participating in the exercise, in the role of obstacle-course randomly-activated dummies. Without the Domination militia, it would just be a boring exercise in power and speed. With the militia, a simple bike ride becomes valuable training in evasive maneuvers and control. And the Domination of Eiler is all about power and control.

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24 February 2005

Dom Says: Dufus Sez: Cavalry Conquest of Rosemont, Illinois
Featuring the Dominator's Li'l Pals, Dufus and Dom!

Domination forces carried out a long-planned bicycle cavalry conquest of Rosemont, Illinois, in spectacular fashion.

  • The operation came to pass in impromptu manner, when the Domination's coalition partner "Some Big Company" (hereafter referred to as "Some Big Company") declared a company outing and motivational seminar, in Rosemont - and then cancelled the Domination's main engineering effort with them, thereby radically upping the priority of seminars.
  • Rosemont has come to the Domination's attention, by being home to (1) a Domination/"Some Big Company" engineering facility, (2) a major convention center which "Some Big Company" occasionally uses, and (3) trivial access to Chicago O'Hare Airport. Therefore, the Domination felt a show of force in Rosemont was in order on this occasion.
  • The preferred vehicle of the Domination's force, is the bicycle. This helps keep the Domination in the public's mind - and impresses upon the Domination's citizens, the ability of the Domination Guard to exercise its power by means which the normal citizenry could never sustain.
    • The Domination is not alone in this thinking. Major corporations send volunteers to work charity events, and armed forces send stunt aircraft to air shows and major sports events, for this same reason... as this seminar would later reveal.
    • In accordance with this thinking, the Domination's mighty NARF-Cycle was chosen for this operation. NARF! POIT! EGAD!
  • The Domination has made previous raids upon Rosemont, but only via automobile. Traffic conditions there only allow an average velocity of 25 miles an hour. The Domination Guard can go that fast on a bicycle... which led to the concept of a bicycle operation there. Rosemont is 15 miles from Domination world headquarters, which makes it impractical for annexation into the Core Territories but still suitable for conquest.
  • Weather conditions were near-ideal for bicycle operations: partly cloudy, slightly below freezing, and minimal wind.
  • Traffic conditions were tolerable, except around certain parts of Illinois State Road 72 which are to be avoided. Other than that, most of the territory was conquered by means of back roads, bike trails, and sidewalks where necessary.

Domination Guard forces conquered all fifteen miles of obstacles, and arrived at the convention center in Rosemont in triumph, parking its NARF-Cycle in full view of the attendees, then marching in with its customary biker boots and Luftwaffe bomber-jacket.

Dufus Sez: I'll just dominate the highway... oops, there's a blockade at the toll plaza. Dammit!
Dom Says: My bike can dominate faster than this! NARF! POIT! EGAD!

The Dominator arrived stylishly late for the seminar, and was promptly ushered to the front of the audience. (Early arrivals, of course, sit in back.)

  • The seminar, as usual, was a mix of bland banquet food (better than usual, though), brief interludes of corporate-sponsored silliness, and hours of tedium.
    • At the height of the tedium, "Some Big Company" executives took pride in their projects for customer self-service - one of which they cancelled yesterday.
    • (Admittedly, one of the Coalition Partners reviewed this dispatch, and correctly notes that "Some Big Company" can satisfy that project by acquiring a certain other Sizeable Big Company which has such software already - if only the acquisition gets approved and the software comes online in time.)
  • Usually "Some Big Company" brings some satisfied customers to the seminar, to give a presentation. And all employees are honor-bound to listen to and respect them, even though they're boring.
    • But instead this year came one John Foley, a motivational speaker who combines massive military training (U.S. Navy "Blue Angels" stunt pilot leader) with an Up With People stage presence and a God Bless America multimedia show, all for a suitable honorarium. Golly!
    • The audience ate it up, which is pretty impressive considering how many of them came from overseas.
    • Unfortunately, the Dominator never got his chance to ask the presenter how well his motivational ideology translates from an elite unit to a massive bureaucracy. Which may be a problem, there in the Navy, even if not at "Some Big Company".

The Domination leadership is forced to admit, it doesn't get the point of motivational seminars. Isn't doing the will of the One Maker enough?

Dufus Sez: With my technique to raise my self-expectations, do comprehensive planning, make commitments, and follow through, anything is possible, and God Bless America.
Dom Says: I am the Fist of the One Maker! Dread Lord of the Domination, Give Power!

As usual, Domination forces counter-attacked the waves of tedium and propaganda - by creating a web page from scratch, using its own personal productivity equipment. Last year, the new page was the very first World Journal Monthly. This year, the new page is this new blog. Imagine if "Some Big Company" could have harnessed the Domination's productivity for this day.

While in Rosemont, Domination forces had some spare time and, for once, a bicycle. The entire neighborhood of the Donald A. Stephens Convention Center (apparently named after the current mayor of Rosemont, who seems not to be modest about it) was therefore subjugated. But the neighborhood provided no targets of note, at least not at 10:30 am when all the theatres and hotel bars are closed.

Many trophies were conquered during the seminar, including cute pom-poms to adorn the conquering NARF-Cycle. It's a good year for big company swag.

  • Pom-poms were in blue and white, to match the colors of the motivational marching band from Prospect High School .
  • Fortunately, "Some Big Company" and the Domination Guard also both use color schemes which are compatible with blue and white.

The highlight of the seminar is always when it lets out, allowing Domination and coalition partner forces to engage in free-lance team-building exercises. Allies have already been enlisted for this year's exercise. And if the allies ever get past the blockade at the coat check line, Domination forces will return triumphant as ever, all praise to the One Maker.

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