Domination of Eiler: Home The Declaration of Domination The Dominator
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The Near-Arctic Readiness Force
of the Domination of Eiler
The Domination of Eiler frequently has to cope with wintry conditions. It is Domination policy to maintain its regular operations in the Core Territories under these conditions.
Such operations are entrusted to a special Domination unit: the Near-Arctic Readiness Force, or NARF. The NARF is capable of conducting cavalry operations in wind chills of -12 degrees Fahrenheit.
The NARF's motto is, "Near-Arctic Readiness Force - Powerful Over Icy Terrain - Energy, Growth, And Domination!", or "NARF - POIT - EGAD!" for short.
- The similarity of this motto to the phrase "Narf - Poit - Egad!" as found in Pinky and the Brain cartoons, is coincidental.
The NARF is staffed with an elite troop of the Domination Guard, which has spent its entire life wintering in New England and the Great Lakes region of North America... the heartland of the Domination of Eiler, and the home of North America's heaviest regular snowfalls. The NARF has survived several blizzards, including the infamous Massachusetts April Fools Blizzard of 1997.
The NARF contributes greatly to the prestige of the Domination and the contentment of its citizens.
- NARF armor is four-wheel-drive, and has always coped with snow without major casualty to itself. The main obstacle to Domination wintertime operations is not weather conditions, it's interference from rival forces.
- NARF infantry is armed with insulated boots and hiking sticks with ice grips, and can hike across snow and ice. This allows the Domination armored carrier to use remote parking, thereby avoiding contention with rival militias for limited parking space at "Some Big Company" facility.
- NARF cavalry is armed with a mountain bike and Domination-grade warm clothing, and regularly engages in winter operations of 12 miles round trip, thus sparing the Domination Core Territory citizens the impact of a full armored patrol.
- Domination cavalry maneuvers regularly encounter protest, from irregular armored forces which misguidedly claim the Dominator's right over the Domination's roads, without allowing for maneuver by other citizens.
- In response, the Domination advises its citizens: If you see Domination forces on bicycle, consider yourselves lucky. Domination armor is much more fearsome, obstructive, and devastating.
- Still, NARF cavalry maneuvers are impressive enough to witness. Domination citizens regularly see the awe-inspiring sight of the NARF bicycle parked atop a two-foot snowdrift.
The Domination of Eiler can now release these operational photographs of NARF cavalry maneuvers.
The mighty NARF bicycle rests upon Snow Fortress Eiler, which dominates the approach to one of the Domination's engineering facilities.
The Dom-Signal looks down upon the NARF bicycle and Snow Fortress Eiler.
After all major snowfalls, the NARF maintains a bicycle garrison at Snow Fortress Eiler, which dominates the approach to the main engineering facility of the Eiler coalition partner "Some Big Company" in Illinois.
- "Some Big Company" staff assisted in the building of Snow Fortress Eiler, by assembling a dominating amount of snow in the usual parking place of the Domination Guard's bicycle mount.
- The Domination Guard engineering force then went into action, to build snow stairs and a sturdy walkway for Domination use in parking the NARF bicycle.
This all occurs under the watchful gaze of a Dom-Signal, which the Domination Guard was able with great audacity to post within the "Some Big Company" facility.
- In the facility photograph, the Dom-Signal is expanded for emphasis, but it is clearly visible to those who pass beneath it. Hundreds of "Some Big Company" minions do that every day.
- The Dom-Signal has enlarged eyes, to emphasize the watchfulness of the Domination upon its citizens.
- The Dom-Signal is usually configured to be a smiley-face, to encourage contentment among the Domination's citizens and coalition partners.
- However, the Dom-Signal can be configured to frown. This is typically done to reflect adverse weather conditions. While the NARF has always ignored such hinderance, "Some Big Company" coalition partners are known to appreciate this reconfiguration.
- On occasion, the Domination's loyal militia take control of the Dom-Signal to make it frown. The motivations are unknown, but often coincide with "Some Big Company" forcing the Domination militia to work the weekend. The Domination always honors the militia's reconfigurations, for at least one business day.
- The resemblance of the Dom-Signal to the facial features of Gumby is coincidence.
The NARF-Cycle is actually famous for its conquests, even outside its daily patrols. This photo is courtesy of www.holy-innocents.org, the Episcopal Church of the Holy Innocents in Hoffman Estates, Illinois, Domination of Eiler.
Of course, the NARF conquers many things other than its daily commute. The NARF conquers wherever the Domination conquers.
In particular, the NARF has astounded some of its coalition partners, by parking the NARF-Cycle on a field of snow for Kingdom-of-Heaven obeisance. The NARF-Cycle has thereby shown itself as a valuable educator for at least these four Domination principles:
- The Domination of Eiler parks beneath the Kingdom of Heaven.
- The Domination bypasses man's restrictions, such as handicap parking.
- The Domination overcomes the weather.
- The Domination dominates with its own sheer muscular power, not fossil fuel whose usage supports corrupt nation-states such as Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, and the United States of America. The Domination, of course, laughs at the concept of nation-states.