Hospitality Law of the Domination of Eiler

There are some places on Earth which are so well-known for their hospitality, that if you come to their town and don't let someone put you up for the night, the townsfolk will hunt you down at your campsite and stone you to death. The Domination of Eiler is not one of those places, but it still has some standards for hospitality.

Gas stations are to offer a public restroom. Preferably one which no single patron can lock. Preferably without having to request from the attendant a key chained on to a honkin' large piece of wood.

Big stores (at least the ones that look like warehouses) are to offer restrooms. If one is to browse throughout a big store in a sanitary manner, one needs to find a place to pee as the need arises. It is especially annoying when the staff refer their customers to the nearest restaurant.

• The Domination Guard has actually served as cashier, so it knows the issues. Public restrooms do have an insurance liability. And people can hide in there, stuff packages down their shirts, and try to look inconspicuous. Oh well. Cost of doing business.
• In return, citizens are not to try to flush their shoplifted packages to safety, or otherwise abuse the bathroom.

Banks are to offer money-changing service (both domestic coinage and foreign currency) and notary-public service, whether you are already their customer or not. A fee for such service is understandable, but banks are not to simply refuse to do it. In return, citizens may consider using the bank's ATM, even if there's a fee.

Comic-book stores get much from the Domination of Eiler. From them, much is expected.

1. Their staff are expected to not look like the stereotypical Comic Book Guy. A stereotypical Aged Hippie Guy is okay, as long as he can still do his job.
2. They are expected to keep last month's comics in stock. The Dominator will never buy issue #2 of a comic book if he can't find issue #1 first.
3. The store is to actually look like a place where normal people like to shop, well-lit with wide aisles. Corollary: It's desired that when the store has open gaming, you shouldn't have to maneuver around the game tables to get to the merchandise.
4. If they ship you their comics, they are expected to get the address right the first time.
5. On the Domination holiday of Free Comic Book Day, the store is expected to cheerfully give you one issue of everything that's free. In response, the Domination's citizens are expected to not ask for that free Mickey Mouse comic if they're never going to read it.

Pubs get much from the Domination of Eiler. From them, much is expected.

1. Pubs are expected to provide both food and draft beer. If it won't serve dinner, it's not a pub, it's a social club for those who just want to drink . If it won't serve draft beer, then the beer is just an afterthought for them.
2. Draft beer is to be served in portions 16 ounces or larger, so as not to keep the bartender running back and forth for the Domination's especially thirsty patrons. If larger portions are available, they are to offer.
3. There may not always be a seat at the bar, but this is not to happen just because all the regulars cluster there and save seats for their friends. Such practice is considered an act of rebellion against the Domination of Eiler. Stinking up the only vacant seats with cigarettes is considerered to be rebellious also.
4. In return for good service, the patrons are expected to give a 20% tip. The Dominator does this on the total including tax. He typically gets great service from people who recognize him.
5. In return for a seat at the bar, patrons should be willing to move to another vacant seat if people want to smoke or bring their friends over. If no vacant seat, of course, it could be war.

Churches get much from the Domination of Eiler. From them, much is expected.

1. Children are not allowed to dominate the service. A separate area for children is required, hopefully more fun than what the grown-ups are usually doing.
2. The elderly and infirm are not allowed to dominate the service. Not every prayer should be about Edna's health concerns. (The Bishop-Principal of the Domination of Eiler has concerns about how most Christian churches actually seem to worship Santa Claus and pray to him to grant Earthly immortality.) And when a 45-year-old shows up to visit, he really shouldn't have to be the youngest in the choir or the Bible study.
3. The church is required not to be on the edge of extinction. When the Domination of Eiler seeks out the other faithful subjects of the Kingdom of Heaven, their concern needs to be outside their building, not on their plugged-up toilets, their flooded elevator shaft, or whether the pastor can bother to show up for service on time after doing some side job. In the Domination of Eiler, any service time before 10 am without other options, is considered a sign that the pastor has a side job and her church is on the edge of extinction.
4. Pastors are desired to observe brevity as a spiritual discipline. If there is a time for public speaking during the service, brevity is desired of the parishioners too. The Holy Word of God deserves one's best speaking, not just some stream of consciousness.
5. Not a major priority... but if people walk around with coffee or refreshments for themselves after the service, someone is required to say or publish where to find it.

   The first three rules for churches are here published in conjunction with the Cyber-Church of Jesus Christ Childfree. The Cyber-Church is filled with people who don't nicely fit in to churches filled with 20-something young people, parents, or the elderly. The Dominator and his Bishop-Principal actually like the idea of a church filled with 20-somethings, but an emphasis on the other stuff is considered to be an act of rebellion against the Domination of Eiler.

   In return for good service, the patrons are expected to not whine about how they can't find a church full of single women they can mate with. It would just be creepy if churches were expected to find mates for everyone who walked in.