---------- From: Karen Robinson Newsgroups: alt.support.childfree,alt.support.childfree.moderated Subject: Re: XP: Top 10 answers to 'When are you having kids'? SnowCat wrote: > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' Them: So, when are you going to have kids? Me: When it gets really, really, really cold. Them: Uh, you mean next winter? Me: No, I mean when Hell freezes over. Karen ---------- From: "Cristabel" SnowCat said: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > > Any websites either? "I've got all the children I ever wanted." Cristabel, who told her doctor "My family *is* complete." ---------- From: Judy SnowCat wrote: > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > My standard response is "When I come up with a good reason why I should ruin my life." 'Nuff said. -Judy -- Don't say lucky When you envy me my life Say birth control (from www.tumalo.com/haiku.htm) ---------- From: "Eve Forward-Rollins" "SnowCat" wrote in message news:3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org... > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > My response is a big, cheerful grin and an emphatic (but friendly) "Never!" followed by, if need be, cheerful "nope's" and similar short but friendly responses. "Don't you want kids?" "Nope!" "Don't you like kids?" "Nope!" "How can you not like kids??" "Easy!" "Isn't that selfish?" "Nope!" etc... the combination of total cheerful happiness and the unwillingness to be drawn into a debate about it seems to totally fluster these rude people and they usually end with something like, "Well, you'll change your mind..." "Never!" -E ---------- From: emc@iland.net_nospam SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' < "Never." And no qualifying discussion or commentary. An impertinent personal question doesn't deserve a complex answer. ---------- From: myrtlendaisy@webtv.net (Karlyn Brown) Snowcat wrote: I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > Never! When Hell freezes over When society isn't an abyssmal void. When twerps like you learn to mind their own business. I'm not! When do you plan on becoming incontinent? Since when was it your business? When my tubal / vasectomy reverses itself (for the snpped) Why is it so imporant to you? Why should I have to justify myself to you? ---------- From: drichfld@localhost.localdomain (David Richfield) >When my tubal / vasectomy reverses itself (for the snpped) No way! If my vasectomy (still to come) reverses itself, we (the wyff & I) will get the little shit killed before birth! ---------- From: Hilary In article <8vvlja$5kp$1@nnrp1.deja.com>, ocelot2@my-deja.com wrote: > "When hell freezes over" is my most immediate response... No way. I always answer "Never". After all, Hell *might* freeze over, but I will NEVER squirt out runts. -- A woman without a child is like a fish without a bicycle. ---------- From: "Carol Merriam" I once used "no -- we found out what causes them" on my sister-in-law once. Then, at the funeral parlour visitation after my mother died, some nosy old neighbour lady asked SIL if DH & I have kids. She said "no, they figured out what causes them." To which nosy old lady replies "really? what?" Tom "Tom" Harrington wrote in message ... >On the similar, perhaps less annoying, "Do you think you'll have kids?", >I prefer "No, they know what causes that now, and how to prevent it." ---------- From: sarcasmagoria@my-deja.com In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.'>> Them: "When are you having kids." You: "When hell freezes over or when you stop asking people rude, intrusive questions. Whichever comes first." Then, sit back and watch their heads explode. ---------- From: tph@pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington) In alt.support.childfree.moderated SnowCat wrote: > Well... since you asked... > "We did, but as you know the first one must be sacrificed to appease the > Goddess of the East." > "It's too hard to raise a child while on the run from the law." > "Well, first we have to clean up all the drugs and guns in the living > room..." > "We decided against it after seeing how yours turned out." > "Suuuurrre, we'd love to have kids. You got a couple million dollars > laying around to help raise them??" > "We're waiting for Microsoft to release the latest version." "I'd LOVE to have children, but it would violate the terms of my parole." ---------- From: "Wolf" SnowCat wrote in message <900vrq014hl@drn.newsguy.com>... >In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, I asked... >> >>I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old >>family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' >> >>Any websites either? >> > > >Ok ... was looking for some of the more original ones that have floated around >here ... lemme 'splain .... no, take too long, lemme sum up - in one of the >other ng's I frequent someone had mentioned their insensitive relatives asking >the dreaded question and was looking for a list of witty responses - one of the >good ones was "We ... we can't {hitch} have any" and then immediately burst into >tears and run away. ... my beloved Clanchief replied with the following. I >think I hurt myself trying not to scream with laughter at work. Names changed to >protect the innocent ( and the not so .....) > >the instigator didst bemoan inquiries into the state of her womb thusly: > >> 'someone' suggested I say that I'm waiting for the Kmart blue light >special... >> I wish I could have brought her and you to the party. Please do >share... I'll >> start a file. > >Well... since you asked... > >"We did, but as you know the first one must be sacrificed to appease the >Goddess of the East." > >"It's too hard to raise a child while on the run from the law." > >"Well, first we have to clean up all the drugs and guns in the living >room..." > >"We decided against it after seeing how yours turned out." > >"Suuuurrre, we'd love to have kids. You got a couple million dollars >laying around to help raise them??" > >"We're waiting for Microsoft to release the latest version." You beat me to that one! LOL Also: "The Pentium and the Celeron would get jealous." "The voices in my head told me not to." "But then I couldn'y have my gun and sword collection." "Why, I alreadly pay extra taxes to support _yours_." -Wolf ---------- From: WendyK In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > > Any websites either? I either use the tried & true "When Hell freezes over," or I'll look down my nose with my iciest experssion (particularly effective when I'm wearing my glasses), and say in my snottiest, most uptight tone, "I can't believe you'd ask me such a personal question." I've gotten the whining, "But I'm your friend/cousin/whatever," (perhpas trying to imply a closer relationship than there is?) and I respond to that with, "If I wanted to discuss it with you, I would." I may change that to, "If I felt close enough to you to discuss that with you, I would have by now." ---------- From: Pixie Dust SnowCat, this is one of my favorites: Situation: You and your significant other are at a typical family gathering. The issue of having children comes up. Clueless Family Member (With The Usual Arrogance): So...when are you going to have children? SnowCat (With Unusual Over-Exuberance): I don't know. When? And them look at them like you expect a real answer. Pixie Dust Proudly Child-Free Since The Age Of 23! ---------- From: Jo Anne Slaven Sara Hawkins wrote: > > "SnowCat" wrote in message > > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > SnowCat > > I step back with a horrified expression and say .."Kids?, as in goats?" > Sara..:) I just finished reading Maeve Binchy's latest book, _Scarlet Feather_, and there's a possible response in it that made me laugh out loud. Q. "When are you going to have kids?" A. "When are *you* going to see to your facial hair?" Jo Anne ---------- From: "Noelle" wrote in message news:8vvlja$5kp$1@nnrp1.deja.com... > "When hell freezes over" is my most immediate response... My 10-year old nephew asked me out of the blue last Thanksgiving when I was having kids. I said, let me put it this way. If you put little hats on those snowballs, they last a lot longer in hell. He didn't get it, but one of the adult relatives (childed) sitting nearby did, and snorted laughter into his hand. ---------- From: gabrielle SnowCat wrote: > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > > Any websites either? > > -- How about jumping out of your chair, looking in horror at your abdomen and screeching "Oh my Gawd! I'm PREGN@NT!?!?!" gabrielle ---------- From: arcane_rose@my-deja.com In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' Oh ye gawds, THIS question. Mr. Rose and I got a HUGE amount of time butting heads with the anti- Malthusian Forces of Darkness over our Thanksgiving-with-his family vacation last week. There were at least eight under-12 kids running around, including two of the most petulant, bratty 2 year olds this world has ever seen. Though one little boy, astonishingly, actually earned my highest praise for a person under 18 -- a genuinely GOOD kid. Put it this way, this 10-year-old lad was far more mature, interesting and pleasant company that Mr. Rose's brother (the one who's annoyed that his 13-years-younger brother is getting married first, and went out of his way to antagonize us.) Dontcha just LOVE family gatherings? We got asked this question by at least five times by at least four different people. Self-control checks at every turn! Ooooh, give me strength!!! Mr. Rose kept saying, "Ask us again in ten years," while putting a protective arm around me, since he knew how trashed my nerves were. Finally after the same cousin asked us yet AGAIN, he got that evil little twinkle in his eye, smiled broadly, and said: "When we can get a REALLY good price for one on EBay." A shocked silence followed, but THAT shut 'er up. (Keep in mind that we haven't even officially announced the engagement yet, and the breeders are ALREADY at us.) And of course we had to hear the old chestnut about how our children would inherit my "beautiful blonde hair." What they don't realize is that anybody with fifty bucks for the services of a competent colorist can have the same color hair as me for Keeristsake. I just wanted to pick up a bullhorn and announce: " THIS IS A DYE JOB. REPEAT, THIS IS A DYE JOB. IF I WANTED TO SEE THIS SHADE OF HAIR ON SOMEONE ELSE, IT WOULD BE NECESSARY TO GIVE THEM A FORCIBLE TINTING. THAT IS ALL, GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. " I hope everyone ELSE had fun over Thanksgiving. Cheers, Rose ---------- From: Tara D On Mon, 27 Nov 2000 22:02:51 CST, SnowCat wrote: >I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old >family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' What? And ruin my girlish figure? . Tara ---------- From: Jas Virginia stepped forth and spoke: > > For some reason, I still lack the guts to pop out with "Never" "hell > freezing over" type responses. When people ask if we have them, I say > "No, we have cats." Most people get the message. If they ask why, my > DH's favorite response is "We forgot?" or "Virginia is afraid she'll eat > her young." LOL! I like that one! I always use Rabbit's response "I can't bear children", and that flusters 'em into fluttering sympathy. "Oh, not to worry" say I, "It's voluntary." :-) That generally shuts 'em up while they try to work out exactly what it is I just told them. ---------- From: Rat & Swan Virginia wrote: > For some reason, I still lack the guts to pop out with "Never" "hell > freezing over" type responses. When people ask if we have them, I say > "No, we have cats." Most people get the message. If they ask why, my > DH's favorite response is "We forgot?" or "Virginia is afraid she'll eat > her young." > va:) Another way to Phreaque The Mundanes is to smile warmly and say "Oh, but we hAVE children! I'm surprised you didn't notice!" and then pantomime leading two children forward by their hands, "Pugsley, Wednesday, say 'Hi' to Aunt Nozine, Darlings." This is particularly effective if your Spousal Unit is in on it and reaches around behind herself drawing an invisible child forward again with the explanation "Pugsley uis very shy. Come on, Dear, say 'Hello'..." Insisting on an extra place or two for the "children" at dinnertime really spins their heads around. You can milk it for all its worth, like insisting the "kids" be included in the family photo session. Photograph an empty chair with the admonition, while snapping, "Wednesday, don't fidget! Pugsley, stop making that face!" Evil, but effective! Swan ---------- From: drichfld@localhost.localdomain (David Richfield) Status: N > >> I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old >> family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' Of course, Rita Rudner does it better: % Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? -- Rita Rudner % I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. --- Rita Rudner % My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. --- Rita Rudner % ---------- From: scott_z500@my-deja.com > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' 1. "Not everybody does that." 2. "Never." 3. "When pigs fly." 4. "When hell freezes over." 5. "We have 4 cats." 6. "We have had 4 kids already. They tasted good." (say while licking lips) 7. "I don't want to contribute to overpopulation." There are many variations to #5&6, such as: "Kids would annoy my cats to much." "Yes, we have had several kids which we sold to an organ farm" (or slave trader, etc.) Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy. ---------- From: SkyEyes In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' "When I learn how to cook them properly." ---------- From: Rat & Swan SnowCat wrote: > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' Uhhhh... didn't we do this once? Archives? Here's my responses.. "So when are you having kids?" Right after Hell freezes over. Right after YOU asgree to pay for and raise them for me. We're planning on doing it posthumously, if we're still in the mood. Sometime in 2153. April 2153. Can't. It's a violation of my parole to be around kids of any age. I would, but it's so expensive to raise them to slaughter-weight. WE can't. The cat is allergic. We already had kids. Now we have kid sandwiches, kid soup, kid salad, kid stew. We don't have sufficient pasturage for goats. If you'll forgive me for not answering that, I'll forgive you for having ASKED! Swan ---------- From: donnabelle72@my-deja.com In article <3A231F9F.B2DD1536@wench.org>, SnowCat wrote: > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' This is why I have a couple of breeding does (goats). Heh heh. I can usually answer, "Got a couple at home, thanks!" I like the rest of the responses, too, although most folks have given up on us. db:) ---------- From: lewneytwo@aol.comNoSpam (Lewneytwo) We have a few. "We are our own children, we cut out the middle man, we can admit that the toys are ours" or "Children would just break our toys" or "We just like to practice making babies, we don't actually want one" or "A kitty IS our child" ---------- From: Silently Mad <> On Mon, 27 Nov 2000 22:02:51 CST, SnowCat wrote: >I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old >family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' > >Any websites either? Some of ours: The classic and everlasting - About the same time hell freezes over. Why, are you on a schedule? When you sign that Will leaving everything you own to us. We already make enough noise and mess, we don't need help. We have computers, what would we want with kids? Think about it.. do you really want US making more? No reply. When they ask again ignore them further, when the ask if you've heard them say "I heard you, I'm just waiting for you to say something I haven't already given you an answer to." Why, did you run out of people to nag? (that one for hubby's grandmother) We're not. No, really, we're not. repeat ad nauseum. Silently Mad ---------- From: mroo philpott-smythe SnowCat wrote: > > I'm looking for some of the top of your head responses to the age old > family question of 'So when are you going to have kids.' 10. When hell freezes over. 9. Right after the hysterectomy/ovariectomy/BigSnippectomy. 8. Soon as world peace has been declared. 7. After the aliens stop kidnapping people in my neighborhood. 6. When the 27,700th body piercing is in. 5. Soon as the ovarian cancer is cured - assuming I still can, of course. 4. As soon as I get a guarantee that famine, poverty, starvation, disease, war, hunger, and [insert repulsiveness of choice] are permanently cured/ended. 3. When Ralph Nader wins the presidency. 2. When I've experienced all the weird perverted sex I could ever need. 1. Right after the Republican party comes out as flaming queens/dykes/transexuals.