Legion of Net.Heroes
Clueless Lad in the Legion of Net.Heroes: Nudist Man The Kiwis The Great Catastrophe
Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass: Stay Dead! Don't Stay Dead! Not Dead!
The Devil Legion: (Satan Wants His Spine Back! SW10 LNH) Devil Missionaries from Planet Hell Devil Dog
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Don't Stay Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes

What Has Gone Before:

On their very first mission for the Legion of Net.Heroes, against a threat known as Beige Midnight, Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass died. Ensign Bodybag welcomed them to the Afterlife. They all saw Don't Stay Dead Man come for one of their teammates - and give him True Death. (www.eilertech.com/stories/lnh/stay_dead.txt )

This story takes place before Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #50.

Three dead heroes had their coffee break as usual one morning in the Afterlife. Well, it was like coffee at least.

Ensign Bodybag asked, "You still want to go back if you can?"

Poignant Death Lass said, "Yeah. It's just something about the way we died. I don't think it was the way I was meant to go."

Horrible Name Lad joined in. "Yeah. As much as I love it here in Happy Fun Death Land, I can't think of this as the end."

"Well, you never know. Today could be the day you get out... Well, speak of the devil." Ensign Bodybag pointed up.

The sky of the Afterlife had cracked open. A man-like figure was coming down - on a bicycle, along a magic trapeze wire that suddenly appeared. He wore red tights and a gray cloak.

Ensign Bodybag said to the cloaked figure, "Hey! Don't Stay Dead Man! Who you here for this time?"

Don't Stay Dead Man pointed two fingers - at Poignant Death Lass and Horrible Name Lad. Then he pointed at his two rear-wheel rider spokes.

Ensign Bodybag said, "Well then. Not True Death for you two... Saddle up! See you when you get back."

"I suppose it's inevitable," said Poignant Death Lass. "Especially if I fall off the damn high wire."

"Don't say Damn High Wire, say Highway to Dying Again!" Horrible Name Lad stood by one spoke, and held out his hand.

"Horrible, I've said it before, but I got to say it again. Don't you ever turn your power off?" Poignant Death Lass took Horrible Name Lad's hand. They mounted the rider spokes together.

"Nope, it's my Always-On Happy Power."

As Don't Stay Dead Man pedalled up the wire, Ensign Bodybag heard the two passengers quip... "Who you think they're taking us to? Maybe the Twentyverse?"

"Maybe the LNH Loser Squad!"

"Dammit, stop coming up with horrible names!"

"Can't do that..."

As the bicycle disappeared, Ensign Bodybag turned and looked behind. One small boy was watching with a smirk on his face.

The Ensign said, "Okay. You saw me lose my two best staff members. I think you're behind it, Gratuitous Coincidence Boy. But no hard feelings. You just got both their jobs!"

The boy said, "D'oh!"

Author's Notes:

Snort. I begin to see the attraction of LNH as a venue for silly stories - and for exploring character potential where one might least expect it. This story was instant.

I believe this to be enough for one episode. But look for a sequel - with two mysterious new applicants to the Legion! Could those be... Clueless Lad and Psychovant the Duck? Probably not. 8{D>

... One year on, we're still waiting for the finish of the story this leads into. But it was pointed out, I never did officially publish the lead-in. So here it is!


Horrible Name Lad (Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups Lad) and Poignant Death Lass (Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue Lass) were created by Arthur Spitzer, and are used by permission. I believe them to be Free For Use, which is fine by me, as soon as I write one more story with them. And I might as well admit, that story's ready too.

Ensign Bodybag, Don't Stay Dead Man, and now Gratuitous Coincidence Boy are original to me. They are Free For Use in all LNH-related venues.

So there.

(signed) Scott Eiler, 12 May 2012

Various characters in this fiction have of course been created by various people. But you may rely that Clueless Lad and Ensign Bodybag are copyright © 2012 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.