Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass: Stay Dead! Don't Stay Dead! Not Dead!
The Devil Legion: (Satan Wants His Spine Back! SW10 LNH) Devil Missionaries from Planet Hell Devil Dog
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CLUELESS LAD TEAM-UP #3
Last Issue: The Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters building can manifest itself anywhere. One of its side entrances leads to a mine entrance in West Virginia. The Kiwis of the LNH HQ made it out the entrance as dragon fire shot out. One Kiwi watched Dimm Bulbus charge in and turn the responsible dragon into a human. Dimm is charging upward, to make sure nobody's trapped in a mine fire... Can Kiwis sigh? www.eilertech.com/stories/lnh/clueless2.txt
Meanwhile: The Great Catastrophe, a cat-like hero with the powers of previous heroes, has been deposited by unknown mystic forces in the LNH HQ lobby. The receptionist promptly gave him a huge pile of membership forms. (The Great Catastrophe #3)
Meanwhile: Two separate villainous forces have invaded Net.ropolis, home of the LNH. Among them they have the power of elder gods and a Spoon of Destiny. With that power, they've turned the city into an airborne island. (LNH Comics Presents #12, 13)
Legionnaires flooded out the LNH lobby door. The Great Catastrophe said, "Oh, it must be time to fight evil!"
January Jones, er, Emma Frost, er, January Frost had followed the Legion. She said, "No, not you. You'll have to fill out our liability forms first." (pointing at a huge pile of paperwork that Catastrophe had dodged - see The Great Catastrophe #3)
"Well, okay. But why aren't you going out to fight evil?"
"Because it's my job to defend headquarters!", she said with chest prominently thrust out.
"Well, all right! I'm all over that paperwork!" Next to The Great Catastrophe, his companion Vivian snorted.
Then a smug voice emerged from an intercom. "If I might interrupt your preliminary mating ritual, humans..."
January Frost snarled, "WHAT!?"
"Merely an observation. But to business. You'll be glad to know I've deduced how to read this building's defensive systems."
"What would possess you to think that makes me glad, rodent?
"Because that is the good news. The bad news is, those systems have been going offline, one floor at a time, floor by floor. Some effect is rising from below. It has now negated your lobby defenses."
Below, Dimm Bulbus climbed the stairwell. It must have been fifty stories. He'd stopped at every level, looking for survivors. Every level looked fine, but he knew that mine fires could jump mine levels.
He didn't know how long he'd taken; his watch moved an hour every time he thought to look. He just kept telling himself: Real firemen do this. I have to do it too.
One mine chicken was coming along with him. He figured it was good luck. Occasionally he'd say, "You okay, little guy?" The bird would lift a wingtip. Like Thumbs Up or something. And he'd chirp "Kiwi." Smart bird.
Dimm had finally gotten to what looked like an office level. At least it had a nice wooden door, not a steel fire door. He pushed through.
On the other side, he saw a man and two women in the lobby. The man had a short beard and long mustache, and wore a trenchcoat. One woman looked like a receptionist. The other woman wore a white business suit, with high heels. Dimm asked her, "You the boss?"
She tried to look sexy but authoritative. Whatever.
January Frost said to the intruder, "I ask the questions here. Perhaps you could tell me what's happening to our systems."
Dimm Bulbus was still a bit out of breath. He just said, "Mine fire."
"Your fire? You're setting fire to our systems?"
"Not me. Lady, you're on top of a mine. Ain't you heard of mine fires?"
"Oh. You're setting incendiary mines. All right, then." January spun to take the intruder down with a side kick.
One of her high heels got caught in the carpet! She fell sprawling, and grimaced as her ankle sprained. Dimm said, "Never did know how you ladies could walk in those shoes."
January turned to the man in the trenchcoat. "You! If you want to be a hero, now would be an especially good time. Could you perhaps take this man into custody?"
Then the trenchcoat itself said: "What are you waiting for? Go give this guy a smiting!"
Dimm said, "Uh, did your coat just talk?"
The man in the trenchcoat responded, "Yup."
Dimm: "No way!"
Trenchcoat: "Yes way, you moron! And I'll talk all day if I want to!"
Man in trenchcoat: "It will, too."
To Be Continued - in The Great Catastrophe #4!
- LNH-20 Kiwis created by Lalo Martins, inspired by Kid Kiwi's Kiwi Kommandos, created by Descrii Ian Porrell. Or so I hear.
- The Great Catastrophe created by James Mason.
- January Frost created by Tom Russell and Adrian J. McClure. Or so I hear.
- The nameless rodent slot is up for grabs.
- The Spoon of Destiny Saga Part 12 created by Adrian J. McClure.
- The Spoon of Destiny Saga Part 13 created by Martin Phipps.
- Clueless Lad created by Scott Eiler. Let's come out and say it: Clueless Lad is copyright 2012 by Eiler Technical Enterprises, but is available for public use within media related to the Legion of Net.Heroes without condition.
err, I had some more Author's Notes, but that was six months ago. Still, I'm glad I took some time off from Powernaut 1955 to write a combat scene of Clueless Lad vs. high heels.
Various characters in this fiction have of course been created by various people. But you may rely that Clueless Lad and Ensign Bodybag are copyright © 2012 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.