Legion of Net.Heroes
Clueless Lad in the Legion of Net.Heroes: Nudist Man The Kiwis The Great Catastrophe
Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass: Stay Dead! Don't Stay Dead! Not Dead!
The Devil Legion: (Satan Wants His Spine Back! SW10 LNH) Devil Missionaries from Planet Hell Devil Dog
Brought to you by the stories of Eilertech.com .


What Has Gone Before: (from Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending #9, by Andrew Perron)


The demonically-possessed cyborg duck known as Psychovant floomped into
existence holding one of the cosmic artifacts known as Kubrik's Kubes.
Now that he'd taken care of the important business of hedonism and
sarcasm, he could finally get down to...

Whatever it was the Council wanted him to do. Eh, he'd remember

He shook the Kube. Now why the hell had it put him down in some random
field? He was supposed to be in the Greater Espanola All-You-Can-Eat
Bouncing Beauty Boulangerie, with a Negra Modelo in one wing and one of
the aforementioned beauties in the other!

Then the Duck of Debauchery heard a whistling noise from overhead. He
looked up as a long, thin, cylindrical object blasted through the
atmosphere, plumes of steam coming off the overheated nosecone, until it
crashed with an echoing rumble, kicking up a long furrow in the grassy

Finally, something interesting! Psychovant flapped over to the mass of
cooling metal and eyed it speculatively. Maybe it'd be worth something
on the intergalactic scrap market...

With a WRUNCH!, a circle of metal exploded out from the crashed
spaceship. A shape dropped out - a black rabbit, mildly anthropomorphic,
with a cape and the letters "AR" on its chest. It rolled on the dirt and
grass, and came up in a defensive pose. Its eyes locked on Psychovant.

"Yeah, me! What's up, dork?" Boy, who was this joker? Psychovant had
never seen him before in his life!

...or had he?

The rabbit was saying something. "Psychovant the Duck. I am here to
bring you to justice."

"What, just you?" Psychovant quacked sarcastically. "I swear, ossifer, I
ain't done nothin'."

He smirked. "That's right. Deny it. Show your fear of the fastest and
most powerful crusader for law and order in the world - Atomic Rabbit!"

Psychovant fell over laughing. "Atomic Rabbit? Seriously, Atomic
Rabbit!? What, are you going to team up against me with Jet Age Pigeon
and McCarthyist Hamster?"

Atomic Rabbit put his hands on his hips. "I knew you would be
unrepentant, but making a joke of forgetting your victims - how low can
you sink!?"

The duck managed to stop guffawing long enough to push up on one wing.
"Ahhhh, that's rich... Y'know, I'd like to screw around more, but I
thought'cha should know - I got no idea what you're talking about."

Atomic Rabbit clenched his fists. For a moment, atomic fire crackled
around them. "RrrrrrrPSYCHOVANT!" He pointed at the duck. "The
Tooniverse bleeds, because of you! You and your tourism - your 'super
important expeditionary mission'! You wanted to see the three ancient
statues that sustain our world - The Rabbit, the Sentinel, and the
Barbarian. And you... and you..." He held a hand over his face, holding
back tears. "You... drew MOUSTACHES on them!"

When he looked up, Psychovant was munching a bag of popcorn. "Hey hey,
don't stop on my account! This is fine drama!"

Atomic Rabbit's eyes narrowed. Then he did something Psychovant didn't
expect - he threw back his head and laughed. "You're right! That's
exactly what it is!" The laughter got, Psychovant thought, just a li'l
crazed. "What you did wasn't just stupid and mean. You disrupted the
balance of Comedy and Drama!"

That explains a lot, Psychovant thought, but, for some reason, didn't

"The fundamental force of Comedy overran the world, changing and
disrupting life as we knew it! Life was turned into a series of wacky
shenanigans! It was... the Gagpocalypse." Atomic Rabbit shook his head,
apparently unaware of how silly he sounded. "A few of us... we took the
Drama into ourselves. To protect it. But we were warped as well." He
reached into his belt, pulled out a glowing carrot. "Once, my U-235
carrots gave me power. But now... they are slowly, dramatically,
killing me."

Jeez, even Psychovant had to admit that that was serious. Maybe he ought
to say he was sorry and--

Wait. He wasn't sorry! He was never sorry!

Something was off. All at once, the cyborg duck realized - he wasn't
being written by his creator!

He had to be careful - he knew how much over-the-top ridiculous
characters like Ambush Bug and Lobo got twisted around by being part of
a larger universe. Soon he'd be introspecting, and then angsting, and at
that point it would be all over except for the part where he got
rebooted with a committee-approved generically threatening design.

Well, he wasn't going to end up like Ultimate Deadpool! Psychovant
gripped the Kubrik's Kube. "That's a great story. I'll be sure to tell
it to the kids." He planted one webbed foot on the ground. "But now..."
He raised the Kube. "It's rabbit season."

And Atomic Rabbit grinned. "But that's where you're wrong." He opened
up his trusty belt buckle and pulled out a six-sided shape, glowing with
immanent power. "It's duck season."

Psychovant let out a cloud of profanity that turned the air blue. Oh,
great - this moron had his own Kubrik's Kube!

"The force that created our civilization, that raised us up from mere
animals - how appropriate to use it to stop the one who betrayed us!"
Atomic Rabbit pointed the Kube at Psychovant, and the irresistable force
pulled at his feathers.

Well, if this guy thought that just because he had a shiny toy, he could
take out the Scourge of Seventy-Six Salons, he had another think coming!
Power blasted out of his own Kube.

The cosmic forces at work twisted and curled in the shimmering air,
particles so exotic they could win half a dozen Nobel prizes spitting
from the force of the confrontation. Thoughts bled through the burning
ropes of light, memories, fictions, half-real dreams. Neither of the
contestants would be the first to break, urging the power to greater and
greater heights, overwhelming, blinding...

And suddenly the light was gone.

The cosmic power was gone.

The contestants in the battle of strength were gone.

The field was quiet and peaceful. A butterfly winged lazily through the
air, neither knowing nor caring what strange event had just taken place.

And at the point where the power had met most furiously, motes of blue-
green light streamed from a crack...



LNH/SW10: Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending #10: "Good Duck!"


A rabbit and a duck landed in a rhododendron garden. With two cubes. Seemingly inert, powerless cubes. But cubes none the less.

The animals were just a rabbit and a duck. They were a large black-furred rabbit and a large duck. But they were not a rabbit and a duck with super-animal powers. Or even hands to hold cubes with. They were just a rabbit and a duck. Among lots of rhododendrons. And two cubes.

And two monster bees, pollinating.


The duck was startled. It wanted to say, "Well, %@(% Me!" And it did say it!

The poor duck was once a cyborg demon duck. Its demon powers were gone. But it still had a cyborg speech implant!

The nearby rabbit heard the duck. It looked up. It looked back at itself. Then it squeaked in rabbit laughter, and rolled over and over.

The talking duck could still talk. This was more or less the last power it had. So it yelled at the rabbit. "Whaddaya you think is so %@&*amn funny?"

The rabbit just squeaked even louder, and pointed one paw at the duck and the other at the sky.

The two monster bees swooped down. One picked up the rabbit. The other picked up the duck.

The duck yelled, "Hey! The cubes!" But the bees didn't listen. They both flew out of the garden. Across a river. Toward buildings. Not tall buildings, but wide ones. Buildings for storing stuff.

The duck cursed again. "Aww, %$#@! They're monster bees and they have their own @%&!ing warehouse! And I got no Kube!"


This was no longer a super-duck, but it was still a very special duck. Besides its cyborg speech engine, it had a very special tracking device. Far, far away, someone was watching it. She picked up a phone and said, "Escalate."

The woman's boss was in charge of all sensors being tracked. He knew how special this duck was too. He said, "Escalate."

This man's boss wasn't really his boss. She was a consultant. But she cared about all animals, even if they had sensors. She said, "I'd better tell the Chancellor."

*Her boss wasn't really her boss. He was a Chancellor, which was hard work. She just wanted to help him. So she went to him and said, "Wyatt, the duck's on scope again. But he's different now. Better, I think. And he's not where he was supposed to be. He's back in Council worlds."

"Ah, but Kristi, he's supposed to be anywhere. He's a tracker. Let's hope we can deal with what he tracked..." Wyatt looked at a readout. "What the hell?? He's turned up there!"


"TW03... Turkworld!"

"Turk World?"

"Ah, yes, Kristi. On that world, the Turkish Empire is taking over. And we're allied with them, because they're the closest thing that world has to a stable government. Now let me check those sensors... Yes, those are the bees. But that rabbit..."

Kristi knew animals, including rabbits. She said, "That is no natural rabbit. It's like some nuclear-powered thing, even though it's shut down now."

"Hmmm..." Wyatt looked at computer screens. His voice rose in disbelief. "Atomic Bunny! That's what Psychovant found beyond! He brought it back, and it's depowered! And his internal software seems to have rebooted and taken control! And he's got the Monster Bees From Beyond under surveillance! I never thought I'd say this, but... Good Duck!"

Kristi looked at the sensors again. "You know those aren't really bees, right? More like a werewolf curse. Or were-bee, in this case."

"Well, if they buzz like bees, we get to treat them like bees."

"So now what?"

"I call our allies. The retrieval mission just became Council Priority One. Then we figure out what Atomic Bunny has to do with what's breaking the omniverse."


TO BE CONTINUED - in SW10, New Bosnia #2: The Land of Smoke and Pollen!


Author's Note:

This is what I get for trying to resolve other people's plotlines. Now I get to resolve my own. And now that I've finished plotting Powernaut 1969, I have some spare processing cycles to do this.

Psychovant the Duck may return to the LNH plotline, but for now he has left the building. Please check with me if you would like to drag him back. I won't object, but I can give you some travel guides to where you'll have to fetch him from.

Atomic Bunny / Atomic Rabbit is an old Charlton Comics character but is now public domain. Adrian J. McClure gets credit for tossing him into this plot line. Andrew Perron gets credit for where he's ended up. (*My idea was a biology lab in Power City 1955.) Monster Bees From Beyond were created by Wil Alambre, even if he didn't call them that. Psychovant the Duck, Kristi the Animal Girl, the Chancellor Wyatt, the Council of Ordered Realities, and all other characters in this fiction are copyright 2014, Eiler Technical Enterprises. Chancellor Wyatt, Kristi, and the Council of Ordered Realities are still Free For Use within this cascade.

Various characters in this fiction have of course been created by various people. But you may rely that Clueless Lad and Ensign Bodybag are copyright © 2012 by Eiler Technical Enterprises.