RACCies of Champions! ... Author's Note and Introduction: Sunday 26 April 2015. While I was researching the awards, I saw plenty of other years with just a few bits of action and drama among the RACCie awards. If I am left to my own devices, I will eventually move back there. But I envision one more big RACCtacular spectacle next year, to establish just why the Powers That Be will expel drama from the RACCies. So, before that happens... Anyone out there want to start writing RACCies? 8{D> ... Audience Participation: Of course, no one other than me has taken on the writing. But as ever, the group will be invited to contribute. This time, each Writer gets asked for three things. 1. Any character, to go on an adventure. 2. Any character, as a presenter. 3. The most Cosmic Power or Character in one's stories, short of The Writers themselves. These will be The Powers That Be. (I can infer Lydia Devin, the RACCelestials, and the Cosmic Crowns. But some others might have to clue me in.) For SW10, #2 is the Engines of Reality. Those now reside *at* the RACCies. Ohhh, how convenient. As for #1, oh my, we get into a 1912-1999 war between Ares and the Hyper-Piper! - only the war is over, and the commanders do not seem to have control over nominees! They shall have to rely upon who gets selected first from SW10 in this process! (See below.) ... The War: Ares and the Hyper-Piper are ancient beings of different origins. Around 1910, they both saw an Earth about to explode within the century. The known history of those two is... * 1912: Ares successfully schemes to create the first modern hero, the Powernaut. He knows this Powernaut will be a hero and warrior on some grand scale, during a century of war. (Meanwhile the Hyper-Piper loses focus, especially in 1920s cabaret culture.) * 1969: By now the world is on its third Powernaut, who happens to be a pacifist. Meanwhile the world's warfare is *below* Balkan War levels, and mostly confined to the backwater of Indochina. So Ares loses focus. Meanwhile, the Hyper-Piper harvests hero-children including a future Powernaut. * 1987: The former hero-child Powernaut receives his power. * 1988: DuoPolarity 1. Engines of Reality arise, in a way which bends time. Cosmic forces try to gather the Engines, in the first DuoPolarity incident. It has two Ares, with a power imbalance between them. Each has gathered heroes. "Marvel Ares" is SW10 Ares. "DC Ares" is the Hyper-Piper! That's how powerful hyper-beings are, if they don't hold back. The Hyper-Piper *hates* militarists, but he's gleeful at imitating one. But he holds his Powernaut outside this conflict! * 1990: In an incident starting with an extradimensional Juggernaut, the Ares-champion Wyatt Ferguson neutralizes the Engines of Reality in his world. * 1992: The Death of the Powernaut! The Hyper-Piper's sponsored-Powernaut dies! The Powernaut's power disperses but does not disappear. * 1993: World Without a Powernaut! The Hyper-Piper feels the need for someone to step in for his Powernaut. This may be the Hypergaardian "Wendell". Meanwhile, three other people do likewise - and *they* have somehow tapped his power. * 1995: Maximum Extremity! Ares takes on the identity of Killzone the Killimator, and stages a crisis to attract heroes including all the Powernauts. The true Powernaut of that era comes back. * 1996: DuoPolarity 2. Engines of Reality arise, exactly as for 1988 because it's the exact same incident. The Powernaut is still aside, probably on some level of reality where President Dubya is not invading the Bahamas to root out Ellipsis. Either Ares or the Hyper-Piper may jump in the past here - or they may refrain for now, counting upon their own past selves. * 1999: Hyper-Pocalypse (Hung Be the Heavens in Black)! Ares gathers heroes for a grand contest. Lucianus Autonomus comes out of this as champion, and deputizes Vara Hosea and Wyatt Ferguson. Meanwhile (and narrated by), the Hyper-Piper takes his Powernaut through the layers of reality. Meanwhile, Ellipsis ignores it all and confronts the villain directly. Ultimately, three plots have to work together to save the Earth. * 2003: DuoPolarity 3. Engines of Reality arise again, as every eight years. Only other universes can chase those by then, though. It was basically Doctor Strange vs. Bugs Bunny, with Crusher Joe hiring Wyatt Ferguson to be the tiebreaker! The gods must have laughed. * 2007: A minor DuoPolarity incident, mostly important because the Earth's villains were plotting together to exploit it. * 2011: Wyatt Ferguson ends a war over the Engines, by bringing them to his homeworld - and then banishing them to the RACCies! *That* has gotten the gods' attention, especially since the Engines work best on four-year and eight-year cycles. And now it's 2015 in RACCie World. Ultimately, all the above just does not matter - except that Ultimate Power now resides within the RACCies! The claimants will just stand aside now... Might be worth a prelude. ... The Ceremony: The RACCelestials have gathered their Cosmic Powers to shut down the RACCies ceremonies forever, due to their excessive Drama Force and their amplification by A Power That Be! (The Engines of Reality will step up for this. They live here now.) The Cosmic Powers may live with a simple list of awards with some commentary, but the remainder is an affront to Reality. Only Our Adventurers can persuade the Cosmic Powers to let this year's ceremony go on. Our Cosmic Powers will agree on a Contest of Champions, and the RACCelestials have secretly picked one champion in each award for their team! (Remarkably like the SW10 ballot, only SW10's nominees are like Uncommitted Delegates. Should SW10 somehow need to sway the election, that's an option.) The outcomes are either Simple List RACCies, or RACCies with At Least Some Drama! This shall affect the future RACCies, until some Writer arise to challenge the new order. But meanwhile, this year's RACCies is a Contest of Champions! Each award is a contest! Not necessarily a fight, of course. (For instance, the Hyper-Piper would disdain to "fight" the Lady-Review.) But every nominee will be in each contest, and it'll come down to runners-up as usual. Contests will depend on the nominees. It might come down to "Wolverine burns a hole through Lobo with a convenient zap gun, then sticks his claws through and immobilizes him for five seconds"... but perhaps it can all work better than that. Especially with challenges like "Cook a tamale, starting with cornmeal." If all else fails, I'll randomize via Facebook checkin. "Drinking / Watching / Eating ..."! Or even better, by dream... "Landing a flying elevator so as to impress Joni Mitchell!" It seems to me, the RACCelestials will choose the best champions they can. Like Psychovant as Best Reviewer (heh), and Imperilus as Best Spewer! Heh, the rest should follow from my ballot... It's well known that my tastes run counter to those of RACC, but RACC probably desires that the awards continue. (The results confirm this! Team RACCelestial loses, 11-14!) In response, the Powers That Be are bringing forth the finest champions they can... Oh, crap, the RACCies are raising the Doom Bear! With some of the Cosmic Powers they've selected, they can totally do that! That affects *everything!* At least where SW10 can interfere... ... Adventurers will be volunteers. Adrian's sending Nerf Girl. Drew declared Captain Fucking Awesome, who was mistaken as a Presenter at one point. George P is sending Password Lord And His Amazing Friends Front Page Kami and King UID! (The Girl Who Saved the World Part 24) ... well, they won't be arguing morality, but they'll be making sure the Usenet sanctions the results! Only one may speak before the Powers, but that one may always have communion with his teammates! I will pick someone randomly to join the Adventurers. Perhaps with my one-sided die which says "Scum Death" - well, no, the other dice picked Toejam whom the world will retroactively need! Toejam is semi-retired to Wisconsin-SW10 where the Great Lakes are frozen forevermore. Besides, Scum Death might not be properly respectful of Many Layers of Higher Power. (Someday a story might have Scum Death, Scum Duck, Scum Bear, and Scum Spanker in it. If that gets rolling, Psychovant and the Terrible Three become Scum Death and his New Scum Syndicate! Unless Psychovant says "Get yer own gang", of course.) ... The Powers That Be are shaping up nicely. The RACCelestials are probably just watching. But in addition to Lydia Devin, the Engines of Reality (who are busy), and the Cosmic Crowns (who are conflicted)... - Adrian's sending Mother Time. That'll help with some time-warping. - Dee suggests The Serum, which in turn leads (with some time-warping) to The Life Force of Primordial Earth. That'll help with some Don't Stay Deading! - Drew has Chaos Theory. http://ununnilium.tumblr.com/post/90891599701/netheroes-so-ive-begun-a-trading-card-set ... Mysterious, mischevious, and self-identifies as a baby. That'll help with Don't Stay Deading for bringing back dead characters to accept awards, and especially for a *particular* character who resembles a teddy bear! ... I suppose I shall assign "Presenters" as usual, to comment on the contests. That's just fun... Oh, crap, how exactly did I do that last year? Fortunately its Notes tell me! I here reproduce them. ... As for the presenters, they will be conscripted randomly and haphazardly from the participants of RACC within the award period. The fair thing to do is, take any who amuses the Writer, shows up in posts within the past year, and is not a nominee - and *then* roll all awards they are made to present. I shall mark each Presenter "PROPOSED" or "CONFIRMED" when it's at least different from last year. To reroll the awards, Random.Org has the ideal resource! And I think I'm going to treat PROPOSED as CONFIRMED at this point. Also now DECLARED for extra presentations! - Scott: declare Nicholas, 'cause he *did* show up *and* he gives gifts. - DECLARED! (7) - Drew P: declares the Green Knight, inspirational green-dyed steel emerald-adorned robot leader of the future Legion of Young.Heroes, but speaks in good old 1990s style such as "Oh hell yeah". Non-gender, of course; prefers "they". - DECLARED! (15) - Tom: crikey, this is objectively Skin of Snake whom I have overlooked - PROPOSED! (13) - Dave: Henry Stanley Seagull! - CONFIRMED! (21) - Saxon: looks like Professor Penumbra - PROPOSED! (23) - Rob: Cynical Lass arises. The Professor EDM has already gotten in the ceremony before... - PROPOSED! (4) - Arthur: It's The Babies Won't Save Me Guy, because the RACCies Know All... CONFIRMED! (9) - Joachim: The Thespian as Don Juan, now known as The World's Most Interesting Man - CONFIRMED! (22) - Russ: it can only be FAQ Boy - CONFIRMED! (24) - Dee and Monique: I declare Doctor Abbeline, for he will soon find his Higher Power! - CONFIRMED! (16) - Adrian: He has brought forth The Dragon in the LNHQ20 Basement! -- DECLARED! (17) - Mitchell: Everyone's remaining silent from his universe since last year. This might be a job for the silent White Boomer, but someone probably needs to jumpstart this story. So I'm declaring Monica Jade (the Vixen) instead! - PROPOSED! (14) - Wil: RACCie Master's Choice! Brody Dharma, as of the end of 2015! He is confident of his future! - PROPOSED! (19) - Dee and Monique: heh, they should get a chance at this forum... Alistaire or Fiona are obviously the heroes, but some cop gets to present! - PROPOSED! (6) ** - George P: He has declared Morgan Lafayette as a presenter. - DECLARED! (5) - Deuce XM: for this period, we have to declare Jetbird Leone, 'cause the Black Mamba Kid is going for the awards! - PROPOSED! (10) - Ben R: ehh, that's where Bad Poetry Boy has entered, so he needs Emma Dash to present him - but she's busy too! PROPOSED! (20) - Michael F: Torpy the Torpedo's friend Sammy the Starfish! - PROPOSED! (1) - James M: He has nothing, and wishes to abstain forever! The Powernaut at Tumblr is the outreach program to him, and something (apparently unrelated) to do with Drew is a blocking thing! So, see Oscar the Grouch below... - wackdl14@gmail.com, Wack'd l: We shall track you down! (wackd@tumblr! Of course, the Powernaut@tumblr has charged in to try to make contact!) He is apparently best represented by Oscar the Grouch! And he may have to come in to the ceremony to represent James M plus some others... - PROPOSED! However, it might be mean to bring that in. Only Oscar is showing up anyway! (8) - darkeklaw@gmail.com: Apparently someone takes credit for a Saber post from 1998! (see, Oscar the Grouch) - protera@ohnosecond.com: wandered in by invitation of Drew, and is apparently ancient but missing from all records. Heh, don't ask me, this is kind of like where I work and there's all manner of stuff going on in the background. (see, Oscar the Grouch) ... heh. That's *still* nineteen presenters, which nearly matches the number of awards. Order is probably not important; I'll start by assigning presenters randomly to awards 1 through 25. I'll fill the other award slots by picking characters who appeared on random dates... whoops, that tends to slant the presentations toward my characters and Dee's. I think this year I might do what *sports* shows do, and reuse some commentators who actually got suggested! (leaving 2, 3, 11, 12, 18, and 25 among Nicholas, the Green Knight, Morgan Lafayette, and the Dragon! They each get at least one extra; Nicholas yields his second, and the Randomizer says the Dragon does too!) This not really being a ceremony, we'll be leaving the Master of Ceremonies out. Either the Cosmic Powers or their Chosen Reviewer (crap) will lead the commentary. ... Awards will be presented in the sequence Minor, Writer, Major this year (as usual), and otherwise in numerical order: 1. (MINOR) RACC14. FAVORITE REVIEW TITLE: Catalog of Earths, 2015 Update! Commentator: Sammy the Starfish! (who feeds other characters stuff they can rhyme with) The Powers That Be are counting on the winner of this category to be their insightful fulcrum in this pivotal matter... Oh, crap, they're stuck with Psychovant! - Team RACCelestial 1, Team Adventurer 0! 2. (MINOR) RACC17. BEST DISCUSSION: The Daily LNH Wiki Spotlight [Jul-Dec] - Winner! LNH v3??? [Jul] - Contender! Well, I'm here. What do you want me to do? [Aug] - Contender! - Team RACCelestial 2, Team Adventurer 0! 3. (MINOR) RACC18. FAVORITE RUNNING GAG: Drew's Ridiculous Wiki Entry Post Titles - ehh, what? And crap, this is the winner! Spanker 4 - crap! Psychovant is watching! And he's a runner-up! The pretense that we'll all be able to keep this up and won't inevitably sink into a morass of apathy and unfinished stories, ha ha haaaaa @.@ - Is Dark Kid Enthusiastic still around? But ideally I should pick a champion from 2015 stories *other* than the RACCies of 2014, because this one's a runner-up too! - Team RACCelestial 2, Team Adventurer 1! 4. (MINOR) THE DOCTOR STOMPER BRONZE BOOT FOR EXCELLENCE IN EXPOSITION: Commentator: Cynical Lass! Looniverse Chronicles #6 [LNH] - Winner! Nonfiction #5 [8FOLD] - Runner-Up! - Team RACCelestial 2, Team Adventurer 2! 5. (MINOR) THE "SPIDER SPINS!" LITTLE LULU WEB PAGE AWARD: Morgan Lafayette will be presenting. This must be a trivia contest, given the "web page" nature. The LNH Wiki - probably WikiBoy as usual, and he probably crashes through the trivia contest ... Winner! The rest are just contenders! Pipermail Eyrie Archive - ehh, we can all put on a musical, and we can all be the stars! Power Patrol: Historic Journals of the Powernaut - looks like Powernaut 1985! Ripping Off King Arthur - Learny Chainsawrf or Cyborg Doctor Deadbeat will have to carry this one - Team RACCelestial 3, Team Adventurer 2! 6. (WRITER) RACC1. FAVORITE WRITER: Crap, it's *almost* everyone except Andrew who is shy! I shall vote for him anyway! Maybe I'll send a vote Saxon's way too. Colin Stokes - Fn'ordh! - Winner! Tom Russell - Blue Boxer, or Nudist Man? - Runner-Up! George Phillies - probably the girl who's being investigated about the Namestone Rob Rogers - gotta be EDM Lite - Team RACCelestial 3, Team Adventurer 3! 7. (WRITER) RACC16. FAVORITE PERSON WHO HANGS OUT ON RACC: oh, crap, Nicholas is commenting! And the challenge is almost certainly, "Bring Your Siblings Out Of Hiding"! That could be another tie! Arthur Spitzer - Eggplant the Miracle Komodo Dragon - Winner! Drew Perron - I choose the bioengineered "Clever Girl" - Runner-Up Russ Allbery - FAQ Boy... still looking for his siblings! - Team RACCelestial 3, Team Adventurer 4! 8. (WRITER) RACC19. MOST IMPROVED AUTHOR: Commented by Oscar the Grouch from Twitter! I'll have to adapt the contest to whoever wins. But let's assume it's a scavenger hunt, for a Namestone or something... Oops, it's a poetry slam! Ben Rawluk - well, Bad Poetry Boy - Winner! Mike Friedman - Austin Allen. - Runner-Up! George Philles - represented by whichever character made it the farthest toward 31 Dec 2005, probably The Namestone's Possessor - Runner-Up! - Team RACCelestial 3, Team Adventurer 5! 9. (WRITER) RACC20. FAVORITE NEW WRITER: Commented by The Babies Won't Save Me Guy... who promptly gets sucked into darkness! The Cosmic Powers will have to stop the Ultimate Darkness from erupting out of this award to swallow the RACCies whole! And when they *do* stop it, President Trump will erupt out of *that*, do his usual spiel, and (in the absence of qualified contestants) claim the award! That is obviously not the will of the gods... It's going to count *against* Team RACCelestial! - Team RACCelestial 3, Team Adventurer 6! 10. (WRITER) THE RABBIT-BREEDER'S CUP: The Whatsisname Award! Mr. Farnsworth *and* his maid will both be busy... This is surely a *drinking* contest. Commented by Jetbird and the Kid's cranky client! Scott Eiler - Imperilus can represent me! (And, guess who wins!) Drew Perron - has chosen Gracemora from System Corruptors #33! - Runner-Up! Arthur Spitzer - the Chuggernaut might give Imperilus a challenge - Runner-Up! - Team RACCelestial 4, Team Adventurer 6! 11. (WRITER) THE JOHNNY SOKKO "COME BACK, GIANT ROBOT, COME BACK" LOVING CUP: This contest probably involves seven people, seven alluring video screens, and one button. Heh. Jennifer Whitson... who? It seems she's won! The others are just contenders, left behind! Mitchell Crouch Paul Hardy Lalo Martins - Team RACCelestial 4, Team Adventurer 7! 12. (MAJOR) RACC2. FAVORITE ONGOING SERIES: Dashing Tales [LNH] - obviously Bad Poetry Boy... Winner! Mighty Medley [8FOLD] - probably Knockout Mouse... Runner-Up! The Girl Who Saved The World [MISC] - the heroine is obviously in hiding Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 [LNH] - actually, Merissa makes sense Tales From Ohio Academy [SMC] - okay, there must be someone - Team RACCelestial 4, Team Adventurer 8! 13. (MAJOR) RACC3. FAVORITE MINI-SERIES: Commented by Skin of Snake, who might have something to say about lopsided fights. Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending [LNH] - ahem, this one probably smashes through... Winner! The others are merely contenders. De Profundis [MISC] - the nameless hero Powernaut 1984 (Power-Star Comics) [SW10] - crap, the Doom Bear is objectively the best representative! The RACCies can totally raise him! So, Psychovant will *not* have to time-travel to find him if he should want to build a Terrible Three! - Team RACCelestial 5, Team Adventurer 8! 14. (MAJOR) RACC4. FAVORITE ARC: Presented by Monica Jade, the Vixen! Empress of Pages (Mighty Medley #13-current) [8FOLD] - Fn'ordh is busy, so The Librarian will have to step in! - Winner! The others are merely contenders. Seven 'Gainst Thebes (Mighty Medley #2-current) [8FOLD] ... who's there other than Skin of Snake? A Suicide in Destiny City (Ripping Off King Arthur #214-239) [WWW] - ehh, was her name Alice? - Team RACCelestial 6, Team Adventurer 8! 15. (MAJOR) RACC5. FAVORITE SINGLE ISSUE: Commented by the Green Knight. Mighty Medley #16: "The Last Story" [8FOLD] - Julie Ann Justice - Winner! Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending #12, "Everything Ends" [LNH] - Runner-Up! Coherent Super Stories #37: "Louie and the CU-Ts" [ASH] - duh Death of Trophy Wife #6: "Ages of Ages" [LNHY] - Team RACCelestial 7, Team Adventurer 8! 16. (MAJOR) RACC6. FAVORITE HERO/PROTAGONIST: ironically, commented by Doctor Abbeline who got the "Get Out of Death Free" pass from his Higher Power, just for today! And the contest is probably "Blow Shit Up!" Bad-Poetry Boy - Winner-TIE! Merissa - Winner-TIE! Blue Boxer Professor Penumbra - Team RACCelestial 7, Team Adventurer 9! 17. (MAJOR) RACC7. FAVORITE VILLAIN/ANTAGONIST: Crap, it's Terrible Two Out Of Three Time! Commented by The Dragon in the LNHQ20 Basement! The Crossover Queen - Winner! The others are merely contenders. Hokey the Wonderseal Kid Nosferatu Marcus (Beyond the Fields) - Team RACCelestial 7, Team Adventurer 10! 18. (MAJOR) RACC8. FAVORITE SUPPORTING CHARACTER: Dr. Fay Tarif - Winner! Jamal's Goldfish - Runner-Up! Lydia Devin/The Goddess - Runner-Up! - Team RACCelestial 7, Team Adventurer 11! 19. (MAJOR) RACC9. FAVORITE NEW CHARACTER: Presented by Brody Dharma. Marco Ramirez/Bad-Poetry Boy - Winner! The others are merely contenders. Emma Dash Jamal's Goldfish Jessica Hernandez, The Greatest Cab Driver in Netropolis (and don't you forget it) - Team RACCelestial 8, Team Adventurer 11! 20. (MAJOR) RACC10. FAVORITE TEAM/GROUP: Looks like Emma Dash will be presenting. The Legion of Net.Heroes (Classic) - Winner! The Legion of Net.Horrors - Runner-Up! The Daylighters - Runner-Up! The Eighth Hive - Team RACCelestial 8, Team Adventurer 12! Team Adventurer has statistically locked up the RACCies of Champions! But Team RACCelestial vows to take it all the way to the convention, because Superdelegates, err, Even Higher Powers might vote their way! 21. (MAJOR) RACC11. FAVORITE PARODY/COMEDY: Commented by Henry Stanley Seagull who is obviously not a parody of anything! The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man [LNH] - Winner! The rest are merely contenders, though they all contended! Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 [LNH20] Conclave of Super-Villains: The Animated Series [ASH] Cover Gallery [LNH] Trux and Spite Grrrl Are Dead! [LNH/LNH20] - Team RACCelestial 8, Team Adventurer 13! 22. (MAJOR) RACC12. FAVORITE ACTION/ADVENTURE: commented by the action hero The Thespian (Substitute Godling) as Don Juan, the World's Most Interesting Man! Ares and the Hyper-Piper give two thumbs up! Death of Trophy Wife [LNHY] - Winner-TIE! EUROPA - Infirmary Omega [ASH] - Winner-TIE! The Girl Who Saved The World [MISC] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 [LNH] - Team RACCelestial 9, Team Adventurer 13! 23. (MAJOR) RACC13. FAVORITE DRAMA/ACRAPHOBE: Commented by the suitably dramatic Professor Penumbra. Dashing Tales [LNH] - Winner! The others are merely contenders. The Gallant Appearance of the Total Bastards [NTB] Journey Into [8FOLD] Mighty Medley [8FOLD] - Team RACCelestial 10, Team Adventurer 13! 24. (MAJOR) RACC15. FAVORITE STORY UNIVERSE: Hi, everyone! FAQ Boy will be commenting. Eightfold - Winner! Classic LNH - Runner-Up! The Girl Who Saved The World - Runner-Up! Godlingverse - Runner-Up! Net.Trenchcoat Brigade - Team RACCelestial 10, Team Adventurer 14! 25. (MAJOR) RACC21. FAVORITE NEW TITLE: Dashing Tales [LNH] - Winner-TIE! The Girl Who Saved the World [MISC] - Winner-TIE! Jetbird and the Kid [DIVA] The Truth About Fiction [TOF] - Team RACCelestial claims a point! Team RACCelestial 11, Team Adventurer 14! Now, will they sway the Even Higher Powers? Four RACCelestials look up at Four Writers... One shrug and three thumbs down! Team Adventurer has saved the RACCies!