ferg Freedom Engineering Research Group
Newsletter, April 2005

From the Administrator-General

by Sureshkumar Prabatha

Hi, friends. I hope you notice our new look. The FERG has a lot of new talented professionals now! One of them created and edited our new newsletter. Thank you, Vince.

This is an exciting time for us. We all miss Wyatt and we honor his memory, but we honor his purpose in life too. And he lived for doing the job.

The job is certainly big enough. The FERG has been certified for monitoring the U.S. Superhuman Patrol Initiative. That alone is enough work for at least three FERGs. And we're still getting work in from all those other customers who knew Wyatt or heard of him.

But we won't forget all you people who came out to honor Wyatt when he went missing. We'll keep up all the Weird News stories that Wyatt loved. Also, you may expect more DominationFests.

I do not know where our road leads from here, but we would be honored to have you along for the ride.

(signed) Suresh

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FERG Links:

Powernaut - Discussion Board

FERG Archive - Wyatt's Stories

Newsletters: Previous Next

This Month: The Spirit of Ferg Lives On Life Goes On Without Wyatt Meet the FERG

Weird News:

IS THERE A HERO OF COLD? "Ultimate D" May Now Be "Ultimate Low C" - And This Explains a Lot of Recent Cold Spells (2 Apr)

CRIPPLED CHRISTIAN WOMAN WALKS AGAIN! Maybe Her Physical Therapy Finally Took Hold After 30 Years (4 Apr)

HINDU DEMIGODS PROCESS A JOKE LIST! One Builds a Computer, One Powers It, One Finds the Right Typeface for Scanning (6 Apr)

SALON FOR TIME TRAVELLERS! Man From 2000 Meets His Sister From 1985 (6 Apr)

7 + 7 = 3! But Only in Remote Parts of Asia, Where They Subtract the 1 Instead of Carrying It (12 Apr)

ANCIENT AFRICAN DAY OF THE SPIDER! Carthaginean Holiday Has Inspired Modern Heroes (12 Apr)

CENSORED MOVIE FIGHT SCENES REVEALED! Daredevil Movie Had Him Fighting Elektra All Day, In a River Bed and a Truck Bed! Now That's Psycho-Sexual (17 Apr)

GIANT CANDY CREATURES OBSERVED AT PARTY! They Resemble M&Ms; So Far They Haven't Been Eaten (20 Apr)

The Spirit of Ferg Lives On

by Vince Cortez

I came to the FERG this February, as one of the mourners. I laid a memorial marker for Wyatt in one of the town graveyards. And I got the sense, Wyatt was watching.

Since then, I've stayed on. I help moderate the Powernaut discussion board. And I edit this newsletter. Suresh is cool, but he needs some help.

I still get the sense, Wyatt is watching. It's chaotic-exciting enough here nowadays, I think he's happy with the show we're putting on.

Our staff's going everywhere, doing most everything. Here are some of the highlights.

THE FERG IS ON SPACE WATCH! The United Nations trusts the Freedom Engineering Research Group to staff its "Outwatch" against possible extraterrestrial menaces. (4 Apr)

THE FERG IS DEPUTIZED IN TEXAS! Due to its experience with weird menaces, the Freedom Engineering Research Group has been asked to help provide security on the movement of $22 million worth of antique bank equipment from West Texas. (8 Apr)

THE FERG VOLUNTEERS AT CHARITY THRIFT STORES! Most of the help that thrift stores need, is sorting the donations. And FERG volunteer Karl Scribner knew exactly what to do, when his store got a framed photograph of Osama bin Laden... and a mace. "Two things that go great together! But only one survived," he says. (9 Apr)

THE FERG IS IN THE SUPERHUMAN PATROL INITIATIVE! FERG employee Karl Scribner is the first contractor-agent assigned to monitor the new superhuman community patrols. See his story! (12 Apr)

NEW FERG HOSTEL NEAR THE MASSACHUSETTS BEACHES! The FERG's affiliated with a new inn, on a ocean cliff in Westport, Massachusetts. It gives yacht service as far as the Hudson Valley, and discounts for FERG customers! (12 Apr)

FERGSIE TWINS, GOODWILL AMBASSADORS! The FERG and the Town of Douglas, Massachusetts are jointly sponsoring the selection of four schoolchildren to be goodwill ambassadors for the town. Today the Fergsie Twins met Hannibal, Missouri's goodwill ambassasors "Tom and Becky", at the "Expose Yourself to Becky" party. (16 Apr)

THE FERG VS. EXTRADIMENSIONAL INVADERS! Superhumans from another Earth are on our world again. One is the infamous "Juggernaut"! And FERG staff is helping monitor them. (20 Apr)

THE FERG VS. THE HAUNTED HOUSE! FERG investigator Vince Cortez recently dealt with a haunted house. Vince said, his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was his best weapon. (25 Apr)

Life Goes On Without Wyatt

by Karl Scribner

Yeah, that's right. Life goes on without Wyatt Ferguson. And we're probably better off for it.

Don't get me wrong. The FERG is doing good stuff. Right now, it's walking that fine line between supporting the government, and supporting the masses. So far, both sides are happy. We'll see how long that lasts.

But if Wyatt were still around, he'd have $#@!ed things up somehow. He didn't exactly command mass loyalty, until after he was conveniently not there. And the government didn't like him much at all. They're mostly dealing with the FERG because this is where they have to go now for Suresh and his patented baseball suits. Not that they want to play ball (so to speak), but those suits can beat superhumans in a baseball game, and that's a great way to get business for battle suits.

If Wyatt Ferguson were still around, he'd be the 2000's version of the 1969 Tommy. Yeah, the rock and roll messiah, the Tommy from the Who. And if you never knew how that story ended... let's just say, he got what happens to messiahs in the Christian tradition, when those messiahs live. It's actually kind of convenient that Wyatt's not around.

So let's try to get along without him, shall we?

You'll be glad to know, here at the FERG we're working harder than ever, but we are getting along without Wyatt Ferguson. I can tell you some stories about that... and that's really why they gave me a column in the FergLetter.

My first mission for the FERG was to go to Newburgh, New York on April 11th, to monitor some applicants for the Superhuman Patrol Initiative. It's kind of ironic how Vice-President Steiger once wanted to ban superhumans, and now he has to settle for licensing them... but I digress.

My job as a monitor, is to make sure we're not just getting gangbangers. And apparently, the city of Newburgh had a problem with gangbangers. People are especially concerned about that, especially around those self-serve storage areas for some reason.

Well, this group of applicants seemed not to have that problem. They were all women, dressed for aerobics class. They must be some of those Body Up superhumans. I could swear I saw Wyatt Ferguson's sister there... but for the record, my vision is not always the best.

And I can say, this group of applicants went over the top. They made it through our testing - and through a real gangbanger attack! No, the government didn't schedule it... at least, not as far as I know.

But the government did want our report, two days later. And we didn't get all the training information until 4:30 that day. But I saw that coming, because that information comes past government scrutiny, after all. So I'd already yelled for help. And they sent Chang out. He's a wizard with information. The report got out, and we got dinner that night! (Well, I did. I think Chang lives on Fritos.)

I could tell you other stories. Like how I had the privilege of seeing Karin Bodil, from DuoPolarity of Boston, give a seminar in the Canadian Maritime Provinces. Or about the Wisconsin superhumans I monitored, who had their own lakefront highrise. Or the time the singer Vara Hosea came to visit the FERG Hotel East.

But I'm sure I've overrun my story allotment already, and my evil editor Evil Vince has already cropped some stuff. Oh, well, Thumbs Up for Evil, because that's what editors are for!

Meet the FERG!

We've got some staff biographies to share with you, in their own words. Mostly.

Sureshkumar Prabatha. Hi, friends. As u may have guessed, I come from India. Before I came to the FERG, I worked for DuoPolarity of Boston, actually DuoPolarity of Bangalore. Yes, I worked on those famous baseball suits. I came here to the FERG, because my family likes the FERG Hotel. It's much more laid back than living nearer Boston. Age: 32 years
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 205 lb.
Hair: Black (short)
Married, one son, age 4
Vince Cortez. I'm one of the FERG fandom. And they brought me on to help. I'm just proud to be here. Age: 25 years
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 155 lb.
Hair: Brown (long)
Karl Scribner. I'd tell you all my history, but it would fill up reams of web pages, and it usually puts people to sleep anyway. Suffice it to say, I've been around a while, and I have this pathological urge to help out where I'm needed. So here I am. Age: 44 years
Height: 6' 3"
Weight: 197 lb.
Hair: Grey (short, balding), beard and mustache
Matt Miller. I come from northern Indiana, from a farm near Nappanee. Yes, I grew up Amish. But I've had my chance to adapt to the outside world, because I'm an Amish actor. Nappanee puts on plays! I played the little boy when they first put on the Dr. Seuss musical! Now, I'm seeing more of the world, with the FERG. It's great to be here. Age: 19 years
Height: 5' 5"
Weight: 130 lb.
Hair: Blonde (short), beard, no mustache
Chang Xia. Hi, this is Vince. I'm filling this biography out for Chang. He hates paperwork.

Chang comes from Taiwan. Not the Republic of China, mind you; he's touchy about that. He's floated around Asia for a while, and he wound up here. He loves the tech work we do here, and he's a wizard at it. He's not very sociable, but he's great at what he does, and we're proud to have him.

Age: 28 years
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 175 lb.
Hair: Black (long)

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