Subject: THE FAQ v.64 (and some stuff) Explore More: Date: 02/19/1996 Author: Wayne Head Well,..it's been a while since I posted this (mainly because the FAQ is available on the web at: http://www.wright.edu/catsweb/cs/helpdesk/fjed.html I'm taking a new job in a couple of weeks so I don't know how long this will stay up (I give it a year or two ) - From Pope Bongophelius Zed I ****DISCLAIMER **** Each of us has our own view of God & Religion & you are entitled to it. but I personally think that anyone who follows Jed's ideas closely is is serious need of help. These people are most likely the example of what organized religions do to those who are a little slower than the rest of humanity, shoving their view of truth to these people. (personal opinion only), but anywho jed is just... ENTERTAINMENT!!. Just my $0.02 worth. That having been said. ******************On with the show************************** From the Wayneist Manifesto under Jed-Smock: ***********************The Brother Jed FAQ******************* Version 3.64 (You'll have to forgive some of my igorance, although I am a veteran Jed-Head, there are still many things I don't know of the man) Anyone should feel free to mail revisions or additions, and feel free to correct me when I am off target. I will go ahead & keep this file, adding to it as I learn more, and re-post it occasionally.....Any objections...? 1. Who is Brother Jed? Wow,...big order....Brother Jed is in fact, one George Edward Smock and "Jed" is based on his first names "GEorge EDward" == "GED" == "Jed." Since Brother Jed's father was also George Edward Smock, there was some confusion; thus the nickname. (Source: "Who Will Rise Up," p. 4) He is preacher, husband, father, and Many nasty nasty things that you can decide about for yourself. He goes from campus to campus spreading the supposed "Word of GOD!" Teaching us such things as: God hates: Homosexuals, anyone with long hair, females, anyone other than racist-christians, anyone who: drinks, smokes, does drugs, likes fast cars, engages in any oral/anal/prosthetic/sex, anyone who masturbates, anyone who wears shorts, and an endless slew of other things. Jed is author of a few books (not sure on those titles I'll check). Some that I'm aware of: "Who Will Rise Up" -- His biography "Grieve not the Spirit" "Walking In the Spirit" Jed is the current "Big cheese" of campus preachers, and others have followed in his footsteps & tried to imitate him. Scare tactics (casting 1st stones?) and insults spewed forth by jed sometimes provoke a fight, Jed forgets to "turn the other cheek"in these matters and has a lawyer on retainer for just such a lawsuit. (Jed never hits first) Just from watching this newsgroup you will learn a lot about Jed, but there is no substitute for seeing the man in action. 2. Who is Sister Cindy? Cindy Lasseter first heard Jed preach in December of 1977. Jed called her "the Disco Queen" because of her enthusiasm for dancing (she had competed in dance-a-thons, some up to 30 hours in length) at the University of Florida . Cindy used to hang out with friends, listening to Jed and Brother Max preach, considering it good entertainment. She was working for the school newspaper, and the next time Jed came to campus, she asked for an interview over dinner. Jed, being chivalric, offered to take her out ("First go home and put on some modest clothes.") After dinner and a revival meeting, Cindy asked for a kiss, but Jed insisted that "the next woman I kiss will be my bride on my wedding day," and noting Cindy's seductive intentions, took her back to her dorm room immediately. In the long and short of it, she got converted and started preaching herself, eventually joining "The Destroyers" and becoming Mrs. Jed Smock. (Source: "Who Will Rise Up?") Later having been wooed by Jeds'....uh,...Devine right, not sparing the rod led to children, 5 (all daughters) Oldest to youngest (I think) Evangeline Lindsey Brotherjed Martha Marie Brotherjed Charlotte Abigail Brotherjed Justina Mercy Brotherjed and the newest (born on the 4th of July Hence the name) Pricilla Liberty Brotherjed Ehrr,...Smock I mean. :) Do unto others eh? Cindy still maintains she is a virgin though. ( and will tell you that anyone can re-gain their virginity through GOD! ) Cindy has an incredible set of lungs, and could probably be heard well over an air raid siren (after a really good "Cindy Scream" you may spontaniously bear child...it's THAT loud) Cindy has the same lawyer. :) 3. Who are these other guys, Jim, Dan, Paul...etc..? Other Destroyers and affiliated campus preachers include: *"Mad" Max Lynch , former Indiana State U. professor, now preaches in the midwest, especially Indiana/Illinois. * "Holy" Hubert Lindsey , the grandfather of campus preachers, blind and in his 80s. * Bobby "BIBLE" , Californian born again virgin and vice-presidential candidate. Follows Jed on the California circuit, shows up at gay pride parades, executions and the like. * Sister Pat. Occasionally accompanies Jed, sometimes with her husband Mick. * Gary Catrell. Preaches at Penn State. * Leonard Allen. Preaches for Chi Alpha Ministry at U. Wisconsin. * David Tripp. Covers Ohio State University. * Glenn Dunning & Chuck Spinola . Cover U. Cal Berkeley. * Carl Giordano. Covers Texas. * Gary Birdsong. Takes North Carolina * Jim Gilles. Saved at a Van Halen concert, young Walton type. * Tom Carlisle. A promising newcomer. * Paul Stamm. From Ohio State. * Brother Jim "Wesley Crusher" Turchie - Currently touring w/Jed There are those who have seen Jed's ability to draw a crowd, gone to the ACME preacher school, and tried to re-create the Jed experience. Although there are many so called "Jed-wannabees" A few do stand out above the rest, and most are equally entertaining. The leading three Jedites in the OH, IN, KY Tri-State are Bro. Paul, Bro. Dan, and Bro. Jim Geils all drinking deep from the Preacher over acting courses, and are all followers and friends of Bro. Jed himself. Brother Jim "Bible Jim " Was quite the hell raiser at one time, sold drugs, had a KILLER rod, was a bike afficianato, and then what could possibly screw all that up???.....He found God at a Van Halen concert See: From runnin with the devil to walking with the lord the James Geils story. That alone makes me think the boy is ill in the head. (Personally I think God would hang out at a RUSH, Marillion or Spyro Gyra concert,.....ok.....maybe Glaze too :) Brother Paul has one of the more interesting theories on religion and the like,...you may want to ask him about this to get the full comic impact. He believes that Heaven is a point near a Pulsar in space and that the radiation comming from it is "Devine light" And Dan,...usually walks around with his little bucket (he stands on that) and his recycled jacket into a leather shoulder bag. I'm pretty sure Dan is fairly new at this and can be flustered. Oh,..he also has a jar of flourescent yellow stuff that he drinks like a madman when he's been here,....Hmmm screwdrivers?? From The Waynist Manifesto under Campus Preachers Section I: Heckling One of the best preacher heckling groups in the world is the now famous W.S.U. Preacher heckling team, due to their proximity to Bro Jed/Bro Jim/Bro Dan and St.Paul H.Q.s in fact a triangulation of the H.Q.s put's W.S.U. in the near center off to the left. At one point Bro. Jed was preaching at this campus, and due to one thing or another was lifted on high by about a dozen or so students and thrown into the moat surrounding Allyn Hall (about 3 ft deep) much to my suprise as I was assisting in the baptism of Jed, his shoe came off in my hand, and although I did not mean it to do so, upon trying to return it to him by tossing in the water it did bonketh him on the head. Another good area is the University of Florida, where Bro. Jed was accousted by a round of paper airplanes, now I'm sure he gets this everywhere he goes BUT these paper airplanes were on fire! Yow, they're HOT Man! Of course the universities next to the H.Q.s are good too, but they seem not to get the nice plether of preachers we do. Somewhere in the Wayneist Manifesto is a list of preachers that the Popehas had the fortune to talk to......... The Wayneist Manifesto Part II the guide to the preachers I have met. 1. Our own Bro.Jed , can be sighted by the circus like family rag-tagging along behind him, typical annoying rugrats, followed by Sister SINdy (cindy) a woman who's yelling of REPENT and EEEVIL could have and will continue to shatter glass eyes in the audience (be careful get plastic). Jeds main theme is that we are all doomed & completely and utterly evil to the core & even if we give ourselves to the lord, we suck so bad he may not want us anyway. Personal encounters: A: listened heckled, threw him in the moat, he left. B. Listened, heckled, got him to sign my pamphlet, stole his hat, gave it back, he left. C. listened, heckled, bonked him a few times with acorns, he left. D. Listened, Watched him lounge, He said "Hey you're that Bonofleus guy aren't you." And gave me a NEW signed copy of (my old copy was getting ragged) he left. 2.Bro.Dan - Obviously in competition with Bro.Jed but wouldn't admit it (trying to see who can sell more books I imagine) Hangs out with Bro.Jims Gang but IS NOT a part of it, Dan can be sighted by his 2nd hand trousers, blue baseball cap , recycled leather jacket into a shoulder bag (who knows what magic lurks inside?) rants & does a really good Elvis without realizing it, and is always sucking on a bottle of something flourescent yellow. (I aint touchin that one) Personal Encounters: A. Approached with my hair under my hat & pretended to agree with him actually heard him say "See,..you should all be more like this young man!" to wit I did whip off my hat and start singing "sit on my face & tell me that you love me" (Monty Python) The WSU team joined it & Hoorrah! it's a freeforall. B. Listened, heckled, got him to sign "Repent hippie or burn in hell forever" on one of his pamphlets for me. (The phrase was his idea.) C. Convinced the entire 150 some odd people to slowly walk away from him, till we got about 100 yards away & then we turned & rushed him, stopping about a foot from him. (That was one scared Sh*tless preacher), also pelted him with acorns that day. 3. Bro. Jim - I hate to say it but, as of late he's actually been better than Jed, of course he Does bring in relief pitchers (Paul & Todd) Looks like a reject from Wall street, and has Really great stories. Upon seeing Jim you will not notice he's a preacher (watch out). Suit, tie, jacket, briefcase, nice watch, no fanatic look to him, but OH-NO just wind him up. Jim is an Ex-drug user/dealer/motorhead/bycyclist/sexfiend/masturbator/gang banger/human. And is convinced that if you have long hair, are a woman, or are gay, you will burn forever (This is the guy we got on the carbon dating kick about.) Personal encounter: A. Listened, hung out with his sidekick, formed a [Image] circle around him & played sinner sinner God (duck duck goose) He was not amused. Always brings two sidekicks with him (In case he has to make somone scarce) is definately behind some brainwashing schemes. B. Signed my Bro.Jim pamphlet saying "Repent Pervert" (I asked if he had ever given oral sex to a female, he said "no" & asked me if I had, I said "yes & I think we both enjoyed it very much!" to wit the reply was "EYEEEEECCHHH! Dirty dirty !!" See also Todd, and Paul 4. Todd - Not Bro.Todd, just Todd Personal Encounter: A. Actually saw him break out & laugh at a couple of the things we said **NOT MINE** (Was a f**ker on a cross and jesus was his name O J_E_S_U_S_ J_E_S_U_S_ J_E_S_U_S_ and jesus was his name O) (I couldn't believe it when I saw him laugh, I didn't even laugh.) B. Is cool & shouldn't be hassled too much because he said the following words "You don't have to listen but I hope you do, I may be wrong but this is what I believe, I'm just doing what I think is right, & I'd appriciate if you were quiet for me, after all I was quiet when you ripped on Bro.Jim". Jim didn't seem to like that attitude (I don't know if Todd is still with Jim or not.) Personal Encounter: He actually sat in the grass with us and answered ALL our questions about what he believed without yelling or singing once, he talked to us he didn't yell at us. He treated us as equals, and although he was cool, he was still anti homo/long hair/womens lib so we parted on different ideals. Uh...looked semi muscular,..corporate type buzz & round glasses (normal looking) 5. Bro. Paul - (or as we called him St.Paul {as he and jim proclaimed they were both saints in the eyes of God}) Obviously Paul was/is a very young impressionable bible belt kid (see jhon on the real world II) and is completely brainwashed. (in fact I don't think there was much grey matter to begin with.) Resembles a cross between Wesley Crusher, Barney the Dinosaur, Mr Rodgers, Barney Fife, and Jimmy Swaggart. Wears Jim wannabe clothes & gets the evil eye from Bro.Dan (ex-lovers??) Just seeing the man is reason enough to laugh,...imagine the ultimate spaz,.. couldn't even get a job at McDonalds (TM) finds somone who'll actually talk to him & becomes an instant Jim follower (Btw they all claim to know & hang out w/Bro.Jed occasionally, I think they say this just to look cool) Gets Visably disturbed when (if he gets boring ) we chant for someone else, ie Dan Dan he's our man.....ect.. Personal encounter: A. Got him to sign my pamplet (just signed his name Sheeesh!) 6. Greywolf - American indian Shaman (or whatever, I've gotten out of touch w/my blackfoot roots lately) Was really cool, only talked to people who wanted to talk to him. Personal Encounter: A. Let me play his drum while he showed us a few dance steps (The odd thing is that he picked me out of everyone else, me being the percussionist) Hmmmm... Very educational I suggest you listen to him. 7. Akaif Shakahr (sp?) - A white african (one of the few on the side of the black africans) told us about some of the african beliefs & some of the struggle of that country against their oppressive government. (He was a major Trevor Rabin Fan see YES {also african}), and helped kill some of the "all whites in africa are evil " ideas. (although a large number would give that theory a run for it's money) Also very educational I suggest you listen to him also. Was very down on the African-American Movement saying that most africans would be proud to be able to call themselves americans. Go figure. 8.? - There was a very old long white haired bearded man that came on campus stood on our quad, drew a crowd, said something to the effect of "Behave yourselves" and left. If I ever find this man, I devote my religion to him. He and Mark Resienburg are my mentors. (that's another chapter) Back to the action! Usually these Jed-Wannabees collect younger religious minded people and pervert and twist their minds till they're asking you if you've ever masturbated before shaking your hand. I've found that people who are a little slow ( I don't want to use the word stupid if it's not their fault) are usually snatched up like vultures by these people at a young age & told the Jed version of what the truth is, and then these poor kids grow up believing this w/out the benefit of decent cognitive skills to question this madness, sorry I go off here & on the disclaimer but this just seems akin to rape to me...totaly altering somones mind before they believe they have a choice,...Anywho...... I'd like to add..I'm sure there are those who have been drawn in by the destroyers, picked up a valuable education, and made their own descisions in life. If nothing else I'd say they know their Bible better than most. ( even if their understanding of it is off kilter ) 4. How Does Jed get his funding? Private funding, grants, and some money from the sales of his books. I don't know if he got any money out of it but he also hosted a telethon. And he deals crack as well as selling kiddie porn .......ooops how did that get there. Typo^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 5. What Religion are these guys/girls? They *CLAIM* to be christians, and although I've seen some strict christian groups they are all mild in comparison.(I'm pretty sure the christian groups frown highly on Bro. Jed & his gang.) Some people have said that they are in fact, from the 4th reich movement, I personally find this easier to believe. 6. What do all these guys/girls have in common? They all seem to have the same basic beliefs, No homosexuals, long hair, drinking, sex, rock n roll, etc....but some go radical with No races other than whites, americans,..ect... They all have really catchy catch phrases like "Gloria the galloping Gonorehha Girl" and "Horney Whoremongers" and "FOR-NIE-KASHUN, HO-MO-SEXAL" and of course "HELL-FIYEYERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!" 7. What's this I hear about heckling as a sport? Most people consider these preachers to be outlandish, offensive, crass, bigotted, lame, ignorant, substandard and downright not nice, but for some reason the little wienerheads make us laugh. When people get together and face something as mind-bogglingly stupid as Jed and his minions they tend to make fun of their ways, thus preacher heckling. Sometimes entire groups of people devote their entire day to heckling preachers, sometimes skipping classes just to attend. Attendance for these events has and continues to reach triple digits (mayhaps more?) What I continue to be amazed by is the different stereotyped groups that hang together to heckle preachers and put their differences aside to do so together, I've seen the Country Western freaks laugh at the Punk kids ripping on Jed and even help them out, the Jocks and the Nerds laughing under the same tree on our quad. Friends for a little while in the face of a common stupidity........ Sometimes (and this keeps me awake at nights) I think this could all be part of his The master Jed plan,.....if it is.....he's a genius,...but I doubt anyone could pull off such an act,...but still,...no,..nevermind.. 8. How do I get ahold of the Destroyers / Jed ? George E. Smock, D.D. 922 W. Village Dr. Newark, OH 43055 9. How do I subscribe to Bobby BIBLE's "VIP: Virgin Pride newsletter? It's FREE! Write to: VIRGIN PRIDE P.O. Box 433 Norwalk, CA 90651-0433 10. When was that Rolling Stone article on Brother Jed published? David Handelman wrote a good article on the Destroyers for Rolling Stone: "College is Hell" 27 March 1986. 11. How can I get a copy of the interview with Brother Jed where he talks about his hippy dope-fiend days and why marijuana should be legalized? Send $2 to Whippersnapper Magazine 713 Grand Avenue #4 San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 and ask for the January, 1994 issue. 12. Who/what is the demon Gnirut? At one point, a.b-j readers suggested tormenting Jed at each campus he visited by some net-spread conspiracy. What caught on was having an a.b-j reader mention to him that "The Demon Gnirut is watching you,Brother Jed!" Gnirut is "Turing" spelled backward, Turing of course being the computer science demigod persecuted for his homosexuality. Gnirut is pronounced "nee-root." The practice hasn't really caught on, in part because Jed has friends on the net who forward news of such conspiracies to him. 13. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 100lbs a week. 14. Where can I see Jed (or a jed like being)? Usually Jed frequents college campi across the nation (I believe he is headquartered outside of Ohio State University right now) Although rumor has it he also shows up at parks, concerts and the odd shuttle launch. 15. Is there a Jed Web site Try: Http://WWW.PUNK.NET/HOME/DGROSS/JED.HTML Btw David Gross rocks! Oh and here of course. 16. Does anyone really take these guys seriously? Stupid but true yes,...there are those who believe these guys, and usually go about ruining everyone's good time by trying to argue the "given" bogus rantings. Sometimes these arguments are entertaining but for the most part they muss things up. Getting the religion majors out to play with Jed is also fun. 17. What is Wayneism & this Manifesto (shameless plug here :) Wayneism is a Cyber-Religion founded when the futility of Jed's Idea of what was right, hit one young man dead between the eyes & made him wonder if his anti-Jedist views were screwed up or if everyone thought as he did. Wayneism was born, I was that man, this is my religion. (as I said shameless plug) Sign up today become a member, have some fun, or don't. (it's all about choice) This FAQ was compiled by ME from personal dealings w/the man, the personal stories of others, and of course the books. ======================================= **Special overdue thanks to David Gross for help on this FAQ * T H A N K * Y O U * V E R Y * M U C H * ** And to Bill Davidson who helpd wif my herrible speling und grammar** * T H A N X * A * B U N C H * ======================================= Pope Bongophelius Zed I (Leader of the cyber-church of Wayneism) Wayne Head, Resident Looney & Longhair at WSU Chairman of BFC (Brute Force Cybernetics) and Percussionist for Fools Paradise & Glaze (Two EVIL lite progressive rock bands?) To become a Wayneist, or for more information mail to: Whead@bast.wright.edu (I try to respond to all.) .................. And now it's dark.................