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Domination of Eiler

2008 Summer Fun Blog (#15)

July - June 2008

In This Episode:

What Is the Domination of Eiler?

Oh, just treat it like another pretentious web log.
At least until you get to know it better, citizen. This web log wants to conquer the world.
Educational links are provided.

20 July 2008

Central Michigan by Train
Return trip of the bus tour.

Having stayed in mid-price downtown Kalamazoo hotel (same as on bike tour), got a traditional make-your-own-waffle breakfast. Having arrived the night before and reconnoitered, easily found the local gym in basement of local Fancy Hotel. Having arrived by bus, parking was no problem (but it is free in public lots on Sunday, as discovered from walking around).

Fitness instructor is a certified Master (Mistress) Trainer and got class done two hours early. Truly a professional. This left three hours for grilled sandwich and 20-ounce curl exercises at Bell's Brewery Eccentric Cafe.

  • This is the sort of fine dining where if the lady next to you puts her foot on the bar top, and you say that means she has to dance on the bar now, she'll just say, "Done that." And her friends will say, "She has."
  • Two patrons Mike and Amy asked to be mentioned here for trying an ostrich burger. The Eiler patrol was promptly able to recommend, ask for medium instead of medium well. Ostrich meat tastes like cow meat, and can afford to be a bit red.

As regards the train...

  • Amtrak accepts American Auto Association member 10% discount, which is appreciated but kind of ironic.
  • Train actually on time for departure! Often the trains have to wait because something's stuck in the Rocky Mountains or something. And they may wait anywhere for no known reason. Just not tonight.
  • About twenty people boarded in Kalamazoo. Plenty of room on train still. And complimentary electrical plugs at window seats!
  • Trains of course take the scenic route, just like buses nowadays, and much like bicycles. Thereby revisited some bike tour territory.
  • One may buy a beer on the train. But now that Bell's Brewery has provided the afternoon's refreshment, Amtrak stocks of bottled Heineken are not a priority.

Mission requires only a taxicab five miles from inconvenient East Lansing terminal. Success is assured. But this leads to a mission assessment...

  • Car would require about $15 of gas each way. Bus and train each cost under $20 when properly booked.
  • As such, when things work perfectly (like today), public transit is to be recommended. When it doesn't (like yesterday), it's debatable but still worth looking into.
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19 July 2008

Central Michigan by Bus
Retracing the recent bike tour.

To teach group fitness classes, the Domination Guard engineering force has to take continuing-education classes occasionally. A halfway convenient one has been arranged in Kalamazoo-Michigan. This is close enough to Lansing that the Dominator can ride his bike there - although that takes three days. A car would take 90 minutes, but not be nearly as fun or Earth-friendly. Perhaps some intermediate option exists.

Toward that end, motorbus transit has been arranged from Lansing to Kalamazoo, and train transit back. Trains are more comfortable, but buses run more often. Each shall get its chance to serve.

So today it was discovered about buses of the present day:

  • Don't ask Greyhound for transit in Michigan; ask Indian Trails first because they have many more routes. Greyhound is likely to send you the wrong direction first, then make you transfer to Indian Trails anyway.
  • Buses are as likely to make excuses for lateness as airplanes are. Oh no, it's raining! That's 90 minutes right there, just like for planes. Today, added in an hour to avoid Greyhound and take the direct Indian Trails bus.
  • At least nowadays, buses may take the scenic route. If vehicles are compelled to go 55 miles per hour to save gas, and all the bus terminals are located miles from the highways, buses might as well avoid the highways.
  • Passengers were entirely congenial today, but don't expect quiet, childfree, or non-crowdedness. Do expect entire families travelling thousands of miles, though, because it's the cheapest way. And there are great stories to be heard. For instance, the Amish take buses too!

It's become late, so dinner and straight to bed tonight. Tomorrow's a big day.

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5 July 2008

Tipping Point
When the next Great Depression comes, how will we know that it's started?

Being a responsible imperial entity, the Domination of Eiler pays close attention to the world economic situation. It has therefore become apparent that humanity's world-system is falling apart. The only question is, how bad will it get?

  • United States radio commentators have started talking in terms of "misery index", which is percentage-inflation added to percentage-unemployment. Reportedly this index has reached values similar to 1980 - which indicates an upcoming fundamental change in U.S. leadership philosophy. But it's not even close to 1930. Unemployment might be 7% now, but it was 25% then.
  • Likewise, there are disasters every year, but these are not without precedent. This year it's flooding, but in the 1930s it was "Dust Bowl".
  • Many U.S. jurisdictions are finding they can't afford to maintain their infrastructures: pavement, power plants, food inspections, and so on.

Indeed, it's hard to think of anything that could go wrong which hasn't. The scary thing is, it's beginning to interrelate. Now that motor vehicles are being powered by ethanol and biofuels, the fuel shortages and the food shortages are interchangeable. But floods and lack of good food inspections are contributing to food shortages too.

Still, for now the lid is on.

  • Now that the U.S. dollar is cheap, exports are rising.
  • Now that refined petroleum is more expensive than milk, United States citizens are finally starting to use less petroleum, and that itself has started to limit its price.
  • Reportedly people are starting to change their lives accordingly. Buy less stuff, live closer to the things we need, etc. Go figure.

The main differences between now and the last Great Depression are (1) more people, and (2) nuclear weapons. That is to say, we're not as far along yet, but we're in the same sort of cycle, and the stakes are much higher.

In the opinion of the Domination of Eiler, the current world situation probably won't be the end of humanity, but it will lead to tribulation on a Biblical scale. The tipping point will be some sort of domino effect, like...

  • One more major Atlantic Ocean hurricane, resulting in...
  • One more major U.S. city devastated, while also occur...
  • Rolling power blackouts in that part of the country, plus...
  • Crop failures in more than just California and the U.S. Midwest, causing...
  • Food riots in U.S. cities, leading to...
  • Withdrawal of U.S. troops from overseas so the National Guard can patrol the cities, while...
  • The Ganges River runs dry due to lack of precipitation, and/or...
  • Tibetan protesters trigger a peasant rebellion in China, while...
  • Islamic militants get bored without U.S. troops to shoot at, and try something stupid in Kashmir, resulting in...
  • An nuclear international incident between Pakistan, India, and China, causing....
  • A world stock market crash, leading to...
  • 25% unemployment in the lucky parts of the world.

... Or something.

It's not obvious what to do about this. But traditional stereotypes of survivalism will fall apart, because the survivalist ranch compound will be consumed by wildfires at about the same time the crops fail.

Experts say, the survivalist of the future will be independently mobile. That at least the Domination of Eiler can lead the disaster preparedness exercises for. If it ever has to get out of Michigan without using petroleum, its most recent vacation shows it can make the state line in two or three days on bicycle, and eat dandelion greens along the way.

One supposes, technology might save us one more time. Some estimates say, nanotechnology will be functional within 30 years. Which is to say, much stronger materials, therefore much lighter vehicles, therefore much less fuel use. But where's the fuel coming from still?

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4 July 2008

U.S. Independence Day in the Domination of Eiler
If the people of the Domination want a holiday, so let it be.
Giant Chicken at the Statehouse
The solemn occasion of United States independence is honored with a giant inflatable chicken. See also:

  • The Mayor of Lansing
  • Mexicans Fly Their Flag Too
  • Ride Your Bike... Powered By Internal Combustion
  • Fireworks
  • Tuba Museum
    Tuba Charlie's Travelers Club International Restaurant and Tuba Museum.

    Never let it be said, the Domination of Eiler hates its nation-states; no good Emperor has ever hated his subject nations. Also, no righteous person of whatever religion has ever hated the holidays of another religion, as long as everyone gets the day off from work. And patriotism has practically always been the equivalent of religion. Christianity only took off when it started to allow the concept of joining in the government-sponsored rituals, back in the days of the Roman Empire.

    Today being a day off from work, the Dominator considered a road trip to the continental EilerDepot near Chicago. But those who would take that trip from Lansing-Michigan this weekend, will find themselves fighting eight hours of heavy traffic, paying heavy fuel prices, and huddling in whatever restaurants are open and whatever hotels aren't booked solid. Along the way, that basically means a Holiday Inn in Michigan City-Indiana. Michigan City has its own charm, but it's already been conquered.

    Those who would stay in Lansing will instead get beautiful weather, a parade by the Michigan Capitol, a pig roast at the best pub in Eiler Town, and maybe some fireworks later. So has it been done.

    • The parade lasted about an hour and was suitably silly. Next time, the Dominator will bring his own flag to wave, because the Mexicans in the parade did likewise.
    • Those in the audience who wanted them were given little United States flags to wave. The Dominator took one back to the Great Hall of Eiler, to stick on the mailbox so as to prove the Domination of Eiler doesn't hate its subject nation-states.
    • The pig roast (at Coscarelli's) was low-key, at least early. We don't mill about the parking lot and eat our pig meat on the bone like Vikings here; we go outside, let the professionals carve the pig into a sandwich, then go inside to eat it at a nice dark bar. Reportedly they paraded the pig head around the restaurant last night, though.
    • Abundant down time exists today. This translates into actually cleaning house for once, plus more than one nap.
    • Thus fortified, the Domination went to conquer fireworks uptown later. But first, tapas (a.k.a. "small servings of fancy food") at Tavern on the Square. A little food after a pig roast is a good thing. And it beats no food, which is what the Irish pub next door was serving. Beer without food is like explosions without fireworks: it's just bad. Just like a public park with locked urinals on fireworks night. This stuff is just inexplicable.
    • The rest of the weekend might hold a two-day bike trip to Grand Ledge. But on the other hand, the forces are all bike-tripped out after last week, and might just see some local attractions like Tuba Charlie's Travelers Club International Restaurant and Tuba Museum.

    All Hail the Domination!

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