Jesus of Nazareth came up with many metaphors for the Kingdom of Heaven. The metaphors of Jesus are too many to reproduce. They took the form,"The Kingdom of Heaven is like..."

• (for example) Yeast, because you can't always see it, but it spreads through everything and changes it. (If you've ever made your own bread or beer, you'll understand that one. Back in his day, everyone did.)

People nowadays like to make their own metaphors for the Kingdom of Heaven. But they're not as good at it as Jesus was. I've heard these bad ones. They say, the Kingdom of Heaven is like...

• A railroad executive delaying the train, because if you know God, he'll do you some favors. (Whether or not it hurts someone else. Is God really a big meanie who will disrupt a transportation schedule - just because you ask him to? And is the Kingdom of Heaven really like a train - which you want to stop from departing?) From a motivational youth conference.
• Speaking of trains... A railroad switchman lowering a bridge and crushing his son, because the train that the rest of us are riding has to come over the bridge. (Boy, what a bad parent.) Secondhand from a Baptist pastor.
• Cortez burning his ships before invading the Aztec Empire, because there's no retreat. (Only slaying the infidels.) From a Christian music album.
• A roast beef dinner, because it tastes so good, everyone should have some. (Whether or not they're vegetarian.) From a sermon in church.
• A grocery store discount card, because Jesus gives you a better deal than his competitors. (But do the competitors even offer the same product as Jesus?) From a sermon in church.
• The bread that lives beyond the tomb! (This one sounds like a horror movie. Yes, Jesus is like bread, and he lives beyond the tomb... but Jesus never mixed his metaphors.) From a hymn.
• A Ferrari, not a kit car where you mix the parts and can put in a Camaro engine if you want. (So what's wrong with a Camaro engine? It'll get you where you're going too. Or do only the fancy vessels get into Heaven?) From a sermon in church.

Still... For every bad metaphor, there's a good metaphor. For every bad example of how the Kingdom of Heaven works, there's the way the Kingdom really works. The Bible is full of these ways. Let the people of God take comfort in this.